Page 58 of Degradation (The Brethren Lords #3)

“Listen to me.” He says gently, “I am getting you out. But it will not be easy. There are things at play, politics. A marriage such as yours cannot easily be put aside.”

I can’t help wondering if that’s true or simply an easy ‘get out of jail free card’ he’s using to shut me up.

“I will do anything.” I reply. “Anything you ask of me, anything our Grand Master asks…”

His finger shushes my words. His head shifts and I realise he’s looking to the door, to where it’s shut. Does he think Gunther is listening? Or is he concerned about the guards?

“It’s Devin.” I state.

“What?”

“The guard is Devin Blake. He won’t…” I fall silent as I realise that what I’m about to say might not be true.

I don’t know for certain that Devin is actually on my side.

He may have been kind to me one fucking time, he may have confessed things, treasonous things, things that would have us both executed and yet, he too could be playing his own game, his own manipulation.

And he was the one who took my eyes. He was the one who stole my sight.

“Blake?” Antonio repeats. “As in Magnus Blake’s brother?”

I nod.

His hand sweeps my hair back from my face and he lowers his voice so much, I know he doesn’t want even the flies to hear our words.

“This will end. Gunther will be sorted out. But I need you to be compliant, to do whatever he asks, to do whatever you have too, until it is over.”

Like I’m not doing that already.

“How long?” I ask, “How long will it take?”

He lets out a sigh. “I don’t know. A few weeks, maybe a month.”

“A month?” I hiss. I can’t survive that, not when every second here feels like an eternity already.

“Ssssh,” he says quickly.

“I can’t….”

He buries my face against his chest as if he doesn’t want to hear the words either.

I can smell that old familiar scent of him, the hint of tobacco, and cedarwood, and something that always felt too close to home for me to want to explore it further.

Exhaustion seems to take me, I lay there, pressed against him and for what feels like hours, we don’t speak, we don’t utter a word.

Antonio has more power than Gunther. Gunther maybe a Chapter Lord but Antonio has the ear of our Grand Master himself. If he says he can get me out, I have to trust him, I have to believe it.

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” I sound so pitiful as I ask that question, but it’s one that’s been repeating in my head over and over. Why didn’t he? Why did he let any of this happen in the first place? He’s meant to be my guardian. He’s meant to protect me.

He draws in what sounds like an angry breath of air. “Your mother is the reason.” He states.

“What?”

“Your mother pulled some strings, got me sent back to the US. Almost set off a full bloody civil war.”

My entire body reacts as he says those words. I thought she was on my side. I thought it was Pearce pushing this.

“Why?”

“Because she wanted to make sure nothing got in the way of you marrying Gunther. She wanted to ensure you became Chapter Lady.”

I can hear it, her words, I can hear what she said, how she all but promised me that Gunther was old, that he was sick, that he could be managed. I can hear that argument too, all those months ago, back in our house, when she’d made the same justifications to Antonio too.

He’d scoffed then. He’d mocked her. And I’d been too damn na?ve to realise the danger I was in.

I bite my lip, wondering if that concerned parent act she had going last time was just another rouse. We always felt like allies, like she had my back, like she was giving me all the tools I needed to survive in this world, even though she knew she wasn’t meant to.

“Will, will she try to stop you helping me?” I ask.

He doesn’t say anything and that tells me everything I need to know.

With his fingertips he brushes the long gloves back, seeing the bandages that are still hiding the evidence of what I tried only a few days before.

“Did you do this?” He says.

I gulp back, unable to confirm it. It’s not like he doesn’t know anyway.

“That’s not the answer.” He murmurs.

“You don’t know what I’ve gone through, what he’s done.” I hiss.

He reacts in a way I can’t see but he’s tracing the pattern that Devin made, the one he carved into my skin.

“Don’t do it again,” he says. “Trust me, trust that I can get you out.”

“And if you can’t?” I don’t want to ask that question and yet it slips out anyway.

He tenses for a moment, before pulling me in again, telling me to sleep, to get some rest. That he will make everything right, he will fix everything.

And God do I want to believe him. I need to.

I cling to his shirt, shutting my eyes, telling myself that Antonio is my saviour, Antonio will save me. I just need to hang on.

Sunrise comes too soon.

It streams in through the half-drawn curtains, warming my face enough to wake me.

I have a pounding headache and greater sense of dread than I think I’ve ever had. Whatever is going on, however this plays out, there will be serious consequences for all of us.

Antonio was as good as his word and he gets up from the floor, stretches with a groan, and acts like all this is perfectly normal behaviour.

He fixes his clothes in the gilded mirror before I hear his boots turning in my direction. “Remember what I said, Paitlyn. Remember.” He says, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I nod back, feeling both despair and hope mingling inside me.

“And whatever you do, don’t repeat a word of it to anyone. Not the maids, not the guards, and especially not your mother.”

I nod again. I won’t. I won’t say a word. It’s too great a risk to even consider it.

The doors slide open so quickly I recoil in surprise.

My husband takes a big step inside, like he expects to find Antonio fucking me still. Too bad, you bastard. Too fucking bad.

I clench my jaw, pulling the covers up to hide myself. I still have the gown on but underneath, I feel exposed. I feel every inch the cheap little whore he wants to make of me.

“Well?” Gunther asks and I can hear the smirk in his voice. “Did my wife play her part?”

Antonio doesn’t take his hand from me. It feels like he can feel how much I’m crumbling. But he also doesn’t reply to Gunther. He just turns and stalks out as if the very question is an insult to him.

I know Devin is there, I know he’s beyond the doors. I don’t want to think of what he must imagine happened. I don’t want to contemplate how he too must see me.

My tears start falling more and I bury my face, silently giving into my despair.