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From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Trial!!!

I just saw the news about Ned’s evidence.

Oh, my god, it was incredible. Cool, calm facts about all the terrible things she told him to do.

It’s so confusing, knowing he covered up Holly’s murder and almost let her kill you, but now getting to watch him to do the right thing.

And I know it’s weird that I sort-of like him still.

I guess there’s something appealing about the folks who will do anything for the people they care about

Don’t worry, you are now firmly in that camp, in case you wondered.

How did Marcie take it, anyway? Was Philip there today, too? Was he on Ned’s side or Marcie’s? Can you please answer your goddamn phone?

I can’t even share my sad/mad excitement and horrible moments of guilt about this with anyone. I messaged Dad but this is obviously all still painful for him. They were his friends for decades. I can’t even imagine. But he still wants lunch once I’m back. A good sign.

Over here in Coney Island, my little brother is at least a little excited on my behalf, though obviously he’s still worried about his dad.

Frank is doing OK, by the way. He’s not out of the woods, and he’s going to have to change his lifestyle pretty profoundly, but they’re talking about discharging him tomorrow.

Mom is more positive but– weirdly– is kind of clingy.

Even with me. She keeps saying how glad she is I flew out to support them and how I should come more often.

I guess it’s understandable when you almost lose someone to a heart attack you never saw coming.

And maybe she’s thinking about what she’ll do if she really does lose Frank. How she’ll only have me and Ben.

But honestly, it’s the first time in years she’s seemed like an actual mom to me. I’m not sure if I like it or hate it.

The other weird thing that happened today was getting a message from Esther Thomas, who I thought I would never hear from again.

She sent me a link to an article about Aria Lauder, the real one.

Looks like Aria broke out of another stint in rehab, stole a car and then crashed it while incredibly high.

No injuries, but she came close to taking out a pedestrian.

Esther sent it with this single message that said, ‘She sounds worse than you xx.’ And it was maybe a dig, but in some ways I wondered if it might be a kind of olive branch.

Obviously, I have immediately replied because I have zero cool.

I’ve not had an answer yet, but I guess it doesn’t matter as long as she’s OK.

Of everyone in this I think I probably feel the most sorry for Esther.

I mean, I feel sorry for Kit as well, if I’m honest. What I did… it wasn’t right. It was bound to hurt him.

It sits badly with me, too, that Gael shut his dad up like he did.

And it worries me that there’s now a pretty hotshot lawyer out there who would happily see me dead.

Maybe two hotshot lawyers, depending on whether Kit sticks it out as a lawyer or really does pursue rugby as a career.

Is it wrong to still be rooting for him to do that?

You could tell me to stop talking about him.

Only you can’t, because you haven’t picked up your phone .

Anyway, I’m looking forward to getting back and seeing you.

And also to doing my bit in court. I’ve already been thinking about exactly what I’m going to wear (the D&G suit, obviously.

Because I look hot in it, and you’ve now agreed with that assessment so it’s a fact ).

Secondary to that, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m going to say.

Though I know I’ll get trained in how to say it.

But it’s kind of exciting, getting to be a witness instead of writing everything up.

And also good practice for when Ryan’s trial finally gets to court.

You’re still not answering, REID , which is unacceptable. I’ll just have to keep writing this stream of consciousness in an email instead.

I want to know, actually: has it felt to you like this is kind of…

justice for Tanya, too? I don’t know why it feels like that.

Maybe because we got to the real truth, and maybe because the university is taking responsibility for overlooking both Philip Sedgewick and Ryan Jaffett preying on vulnerable students.

Maybe partly that. But I guess also because every young woman with a promising future deserves to have their story told.

Anyway, that may all just be in my weird brain. I’ll ask Cordelia and she’ll tell me bluntly that it’s all displacement for my own feelings of failure.

But I’m looking forward to seeing her again, regardless. Almost as much as I’m looking forward to seeing you. Pick up your stupid phone so I can repeat all of this at insane speeds that way.

Anna

xxx