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There were three of them already gathered at a table in busy King’s Bar when I rocked up (late, obviously).

My calf was now hurting a lot worse where the bike had landed on it– it seemed as though the rowing hadn’t been such a good idea– but a lot of ice had taken the swelling down some and I’d picked out a jumpsuit from the wardrobe that successfully covered it up.

I’d felt weird doing that alone, without messaging Cordelia first. But I’d also felt a sense of independence. I could learn this stuff, if slowly.

I watched for a reaction when I arrived, waiting to see if Kit had told them about my accident and whether any of them might be looking out for an injury. Though if they were, they were hiding it pretty well.

There was no sign of James tonight, which was a shame, and Esther had her most-dreaded exam the next day, so it was just Ryan and Kit and Sarah.

I was glad to see Sarah there. She’d been the one to actually talk about that night with Tanya, and Kit’s guilt. I hoped I could draw her out on the subject once she was drunk or high. Or both.

‘How’s the leg feeling?’ Kit asked as I sat down gingerly.

‘A little unhappy with me,’ I admitted. ‘But hey, it was a good row in the end.’ I turned to Sarah and Ryan to add, ‘Kit had the joy of witnessing me having a full-on meltdown on the river, did he tell you?’

Ryan looked between me and Kit. ‘What was the meltdown about? And what happened to your leg?’

He didn’t look quite happy. He didn’t sound happy, either. His voice was too tight, and it made me wonder if he knew something.

But when I said, ‘Oh, the leg was just me falling off my bike because someone clipped me,’ there wasn’t a particular reaction. ‘As to the meltdown, I basically hated rowing, myself, the water, boats and the whole concept of sport. It’s a fairly common occurrence.’

Ryan grinned at that. ‘How many times during the row did you quit sport forever?’

‘At least five,’ I said, laughing.

‘Some of us had the sense to quit it in first year,’ Sarah said, lifting her glass. ‘Novice term was enough.’

‘Oh, did you row?’ I asked her, genuinely surprised. She was totally not the build to be immediately recruited for rowing, but that said, I’ve known smaller women become hugely strong.

‘I learned quickly that it wasn’t for me,’ Sarah said. ‘Hours of sitting freezing in queues of traffic…’

I shook my head. ‘See, that’s a Cambridge problem. There are no queues at Columbia, and when it’s cold we row indoors. We’re seriously pathetic.’

‘Yeah, I was thinking exactly that,’ Ryan said, shaking his head. ‘Real rowers do it stationary in sub-zero.’

‘With weights, obviously,’ Kit chipped in. ‘Cambridge novices always carry at least a hundred kilos of weights, too. And they have to be blindfolded.’

‘Yeah, so this is sounding more like a fetish than a sport,’ I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

‘Why can’t things be both?’ Ryan asked. ‘Kit only does rugby because of the other guys in shorts.’

‘True, that,’ Kit agreed.

I couldn’t help laughing at all of this. And you know what I hated about that moment, Reid? It was the thought that I really liked these people. That, in any other situation, we could so easily be real friends.

It wasn’t the kind of thought I usually have when working. Most of the people I have to buddy up to are deeply into criminal activities or loathsomely elitist.

I tried not to let the fondness in. I’d come here for a reason and I knew that I needed to talk to Sarah while I had the chance.

I’d decided to be teetotal again tonight, both to keep supporting Ryan and in order to keep my head in the game.

I’d taken a bunch of co-codamol, too, and that was enough head-altering substances for me.

So when Kit and Sarah offered to go to the bar I asked for a tonic and bantered with Ryan for a little while in the background, thinking about how to approach Sarah.

But when the two of them returned and I tried to strike up a conversation I realised that Sarah was no longer keen on talking with me at all. She gave me snippy replies and there was something frosty and guarded in the way she was looking at me.

I found my pulse rate climbing. Why had this change happened? She’d been OK with me when I’d arrived.

But then she’d gone to the bar with Kit. Was it possible that he’d told her I couldn’t be trusted? Had he seen through me this afternoon?

Unless Sarah doesn’t trust me for her own reasons? I thought.

I realised only then that I didn’t know whether Sarah had been at the ball when Holly died. Whether she’d even known this group back then. She hadn’t appeared in their photos, and I knew she’d only been dating Kit for the last three months. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t been involved, did it?

What if she’d wanted in on the group for a long time? People could get obsessive. She could have been watching them all for ages. Could have seen Holly as an obstacle, for some reason.

I felt something close to guilt. I should have known more about this by now.

Cordelia’s angry exit at the Caledonian Club rushed back to me and I wondered whether I was letting Holly down.

Was it possible that in allowing my thoughts to slide too often towards Tanya, I was failing her? And failing Cordelia, too?

I’m not going to fail , I thought to myself as I looked between Kit, all cool smiles, and brittle, angry Sarah. There’s something going on between them all, and I’m going to figure out what it is.

Ryan, at least, seemed to be on good form. He jumped up to help with drinks and insisted on getting my round for me.

‘You’re injured,’ he told me, firmly. ‘You’re not carrying anything, and you’re not paying, either.’

I couldn’t help feeling relieved. As good value as student drinks were, I was starting to worry that the credit card was going to hit its limit. Every part of this cost money, and it was, frankly, astonishing watching this group spend as easily as breathing.

I decided that I should push the conversation in a direction that wasn’t selfish: the topic of who did and who didn’t have a car. That wasn’t about Tanya: it was about who might have wanted to warn me off. It was what I should be asking.

‘Anyone feel like driving me to London tomorrow?’ I asked, once Ryan had returned. ‘I need to show my coach and physio the damage and work out a plan, but after today I honestly can’t face the train and the tube.’

Ryan shook his head with a grin. ‘Americans. Always assuming people drive everywhere.’

‘I do not!’ I protested, slightly surprised that he was being harsh. ‘I’ve been cycling all year like I’m Scandinavian or something. But if anyone could let me pay them to drive me, it would be kind of helpful.’

Kit gave me a thoughtful look. ‘Let me see if I can get out of something.’

‘Oh, like, don’t move anything,’ I said, immediately. ‘I could just woman up and take the train.’

‘No, it’s cool,’ he said. ‘Just depends on how flexible this revision supervision is.’

I gave him a crooked smile. ‘Thanks. I guess James doesn’t have a vehicle, if that doesn’t work out?’

‘Save-the-planet Sedgewick?’ Ryan asked. ‘No way. He thinks owning a car is morally wrong.’

‘Oh.’ I gave a short laugh. ‘I mean, I guess he kind of has a point…’ And then I broke off, seeing a possible advantage. ‘Oh. That wasn’t… that wasn’t how his girlfriend died or something?’

‘No, nothing like that,’ Kit said after a momentary silence. ‘Holly… it was the May Ball. We were all there, but she– wandered off and– and drowned.’

I saw him look over at Ryan with what might have been an expression of concern but might also have been a brief reminder to keep his mouth shut.

He said they were all there , I thought. Including Sarah.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. And then, addressing Sarah directly, I said, ‘It must be really hard, losing a friend like that.’

Sarah gave a sniff and turned her head away. ‘Not me. When Kit says “we were all there” he means the Pitt Club crowd. The ones who count. I wasn’t friends with anyone back then, and I went to St John’s ball instead.’

Now that, Reid, was interesting. It sounded like there was something significant about membership of the Pitt Club after all.

Kit blinked and gave Sarah a squeezing hug. ‘I’m… what do you mean, the ones who count? I don’t like half the Pitt Club, and you count the mostest.’

The cuteness was unexpected, and it jarred with the situation as well as with Kit’s personality. Did Kit ever really, truly talk to his girlfriends like that?

Sarah didn’t visibly melt into his squeeze, but she did turn and give him a peck on the lips.

‘Hey, I’m with you,’ I told Sarah. ‘Non-Pitt Club member and proud. I hear they only let you in if you hate puppies, anyway.’

She gave me a half-smile, one that didn’t look at all happy.

‘Kittens,’ Kit said, deadpan. It was a shame. I was hoping he’d get offended and argue. ‘And they’ve relaxed the rule a bit.’ He glanced at Sarah. ‘You’re both too cool for the kitten-haters, you know.’

A little later Kit pulled a small tissue-paper packet out of his pocket and slid Ryan and Sarah each what I guessed must have been a tab of MDMA.

‘Pick-me-up time?’ he asked, quietly.

Ryan looked over at me, a clear question in his expression. Evidently he wasn’t willing to go totally off the party drugs to support me. But I hadn’t been teetotal at the wine tasting, either.

I gave him a nod and a smile, thinking that there were benefits to him being a little out of control. He’d taken it within seconds, so quickly it was hard to see it happen. And then he washed it down with what must have been another soda water.

Sarah took hers with a swift, almost angry movement.

I hoped it might loosen her inhibitions enough to get her talking about what was bothering her.

She might not have been there on the night Holly died, but something was clearly up.

All I needed was for her to get halfway to high and go to the bathroom alone so I could follow.