Page 74 of Darkness of Mine

So am I.

That’s what I want to say. I want her to claim me like she’s claiming Allie. I’ve not been able to see my mother as anything other than a stranger but in this moment I want more. I wanther.

I tilt my head back and stare at the ceiling till the stinging in my eyes fades away. I push aside the emotion and focus on the problem at hand.

Without our dad whispering in her ear, I don’t actually think Allie is a threat to our mother or grandparents. She only ever hurt people when he told her too and I’ve heard the way she talks about our mom. It isn’t obsessive in a dangerous way, it’s just that of a child wanting to know her mother. Even after everything Allie has done, I don’t have it in me to deny her that.

Decision made, we inform the officers guarding the house and Oz resets the parameters of Angelica’s tracking anklet. Shestill can’t leave the house without it alerting us and now, the officers assigned to my mother too.

I take Allie to one side before we leave, and instinct has me holding her hands like we used to when we were kids. “You can’t hurt them,” I tell her.

She nods. “I know. I won’t. If I start going dark and stabby, I’ll call you. I promise.”

The muscles in my shoulders unwind. Unlike me, Allie’s never broken a promise.

“Freya,” she says after I’ve pulled away, “I know I screwed up. I thought Zach was good but…” She bites her lip and trails off before meeting my gaze. “You’re always the one looking after me but if I can help, please let me. I want to make things right.”

I don’t have the heart to tell her there’s nothing she can do so I just nod and say goodbye, leaving her with our mother and grandparents.

Leaving her with family.

33

FREYA

My mind’s still all over the place when we get home.

Jack returned to the SCU offices, leaving me to ride back with the guys. I spent most of the journey staring out the window and trying to untangle the mess of feelings seeing my mother and meeting my grandparents had left behind.

I’d all but forgotten why I went off like I did in the first place until River’s hand circles my arm, stopping me from following the others into the kitchen.

His lips brush my ear. “Upstairs. Now.”

The threat he left me with earlier comes rushing back and for once I don’t want to fight him. His control settles over me like a blanket, a balm to my shattered mind.

He lets me go and I walk upstairs.

River’s arranged for the FBI jet to take us to L.A. first thing tomorrow, which means we have the whole evening for whatever he has planned. I wait for him in his room and he leaves me just long enough to squirm, recalling the feel of his ropes on my skin and wondering how exactly he plans to punish me.

I’m sitting at the end of his bed when the door opens and River enters.

His eyes track over me before he leans against the door and crosses his arms. “I had to end a call with Harley’s parents to chase after you.” His voice rumbles with disapproval that curls my toes.

I wince, guilt a gray fog inside my stomach, but if River had agreed to visit my mother this morning, I wouldn’t have needed to go to the lengths I did. “I’m not going to apologize.”

River’s eyes flare, the lines of his throat tensing. He wants to call me on my attitude, but he doesn’t, which means he’s still fighting his need to dominate.

I rise from the bed and walk over to him. Cupping his face in my palm, I make sure he really hears it when I say, “I’ve forgiven you, River. You don’t need to hold back.”

“I don’t, huh?” He leans into my palm, his hands dropping to curl around my hips.

I shake my head.

River’s tapered gaze analyzes me before he nods and taps my ass. “Go get changed, we’re going out.”

I frown but when I open my mouth his hand moves whip-fast, pinching my cheeks between his thumb and fingers. “Now’s really not a good time to question me, Freya.”

Going out isn’t exactly what I was expecting. I’m worried he’s still holding back but then he lowers his hand to settle around my throat.