Page 9

Harlow

Tuesday Afternoon

The First Floor

“ A re you angry at your father?” Dr. Bradley’s question had me ready to scream. Was he fucking serious?

How had this man made it through any sort of fucking schooling? He’d started with questions about the exorcism, my grandmother and how I wound up with her, and wanted every detail of the encounter.

What kind of therapist asked what the buyer did to me, if he touched me?

Sick fuck.

“Watch your language.” Gran’s voice echoed in the room, and I jumped. He was watching me curiously but didn’t call me on the way I curled in on myself at the sound.

A glance around the tiny office revealed we were alone... outside of the shadows hanging in my peripheral, reminding me that this session was doing more harm than good.

Just his line of questioning alone had more and more shadows popping in.

“Of fucking course I am. He tried to let his friend fuck me in exchange for money to solve his gambling debt. And guess what, he’d have done it again if it had been successful. He didn’t give a fuck about me. I have every damn right to hate him for that. I hope he’s spending eternity being tortured in hell for his sins.” I was close to screaming at this point, my voice shaking and angry.

“I’m detecting a lot of suppressed anger here,” he replied with wide eyes. His tone was disproving, like I was in the wrong.

He was a fucking nutcase and that was saying something coming from me. I couldn’t exactly see myself, but even I wasn’t good enough at hiding expressions to not show my utter disgust and disbelief at this man’s words.

“Oh, it’s not suppressed at all,” I promised him. “I’m not shy about it.”

“Perhaps we should move our focus to your life after him,” he hedged, nervously glancing at the clock.

“With my abusive, zealot grandmother?” I deadpanned. “The one who tied me up in a basement and lied to the bishop so I’d be forced to undergo an exorcism... for days… until I could escape? That one?”

He slammed his notebook shut and glared at me. Even as he feigned his anger, I could see the discomfort in the way he shifted in his chair. “I can’t help you if you are unwilling to be serious.”

Dr. Bradley stood up and power walked from the room, leaving me alone in one of the numerous counseling rooms on the first floor.

“If that man’s a psychiatrist, then I’m fucking sane,” I grumbled to myself. The cold feeling ran down my spine and I sighed at the interruption.

“You are not sane,” Monty countered, unhelpfully in my opinion. “But neither is he.”

The words had me glancing up at him. He was sprawled out on the desk, head propped on his hand, and one knee bent while the other outstretched. It was likely meant to be seductive, but he’d already piqued my interest.

“He’s not?” I asked, fishing for more information when he refused to keep going. “What do you know?”

“Nothing,” Monty promised. It was an obvious lie. His chuckle confirmed that and had me standing up and walking away.

“You know, I liked you better before I came here,” I said sadly. “Now you’re just an unhelpful dick.”

His quick response had my hand freezing just over the doorknob.

“Monster. Not dick. Though, I do have one of those, too, if you’d like to see it?” he promised, gesturing down. And like the idiot I was, I tracked the movement, letting out a choked gasp as his shadow-covered erection jutted from his body. His shadows had fallen away so I was forced to focus in on it.

My mouth went dry at the sheer size of him, and it took everything in me not to reach for him, to touch it, to let him fuck away the frustration this session caused. That knot would go a long way right now.

His massive cock grew at my attention, and if not for him speaking again, I’d likely have finally found the courage to act on my impulse.

“I also dealt with that little problem. Don’t worry, no one will touch you here again.”

I froze at his words, studying my monster to see if he was lying. It was impossible to tell. Then again, Monty never lied. Teased and spoke in circles sometimes? Yes. Lied outright. No.

At least as far as I knew.

“What did you do? Is he dead?”

“Sadly, no,” he said and it sounded as if he meant it. “I’d have loved to burn him alive, letting the flames gradually spread over his body as he screamed for mercy that wouldn’t come until he passed out from the pain of his flesh melting off.”

“Um, gross.” I laughed, though I couldn’t argue it would have been a relief for the man to be gone for good.

“I meant what I said, Harlow,” he whispered as he walked over and put his hands on my cheeks. Monty was always careful not to touch me often, if at all.

He felt oddly solid at the moment. Cold, but corporeal. A shiver ran down my spine, a mix of lust and confusion as his stormy scent washed over me.

“About what?” I asked, my voice unintentionally husky.

Having him this close made it hard to breathe. I’d missed him. He’d been my only friend and protector even before the hallucinations amped up.

His presence felt too vivid inside Dark Haven, too real to deny.

“That I’m no guardian angel. I can’t always be here to save you, but I will punish those who wrong you and intervene when I can. He’s been... warned.” His smirk clued me in to what his warning meant. Pain. But even with the excitement of the pain he’d caused, I could read the emotion in his words.

The sincerity there had my chest tightening. The impulse to hug him was too strong, and I pushed past his hold to wrap my arms around his body. It was the first time touching him this way, and it was comforting and I melted into it.

He felt pretty real and strong for being covered in bones. I squeezed tight before letting go. My monster didn’t stop me but I didn’t want to run him off either.

“Thank you, Monty. I’m glad to know it wasn’t because you didn’t care,” I managed to whisper.

My voice broke, but I needed to get those words out, to finally give voice to how I felt. Having him close by, helping me out of tight spots and listening to me when I needed it, meant everything to me.

Before I’d been medicated, the world was too chaotic and full of shadows to give him much thought other than relying on his presence. Now, with a mostly clear mind, I could see it for what it was.

I’d formed a friendship with my imaginary friend, and sure enough, I needed him in my life. Having him here felt like the world was right again, the scent of his embers and stormy rain, the feel of his cold, the taunt in his voice, it all called to me on a primal level.

“If you touch me like that I’ll be forced to show you what you mean to me, little human. You’re mine, think of that before you look at any other man,” he husked in my ear, the lustful promise sending a shiver through me.

An image I hadn’t considered before formed in my mind and my pussy throbbed with need at the thought of him fucking me… knotting me. Was it beyond friendship? Did I find him attractive?

He was a monster, maybe not even real ... it was wrong, right?

If this encounter taught me anything, it was that he felt real. Maybe that was enough.

“I’ll spear you on my cock until you babble my name like a fucking prayer. But you’d be at my mercy, suffering until I allowed you to find your release. Would you like that, little human?”

I fucking loved the picture he painted.

Monty moved closer as he seductively purred out his promise. A shadowy finger trailed down my cheek, and it felt like my skin was on fire for a moment, then soothed away to a soft sting.

A whimper escaped, and his low chuckle did nothing to calm my now raging lust. Then the door opened and he disappeared in a swirl of smoke, leaving me flushed with my chest heaving, and if I had balls, they would be blue.

“Hey, are you okay?” Hiro asked as he rushed forward. Thankfully, it was him of all people, and he seemed concerned, not realizing why I looked like a mess.

Would he smell the slick running down my thighs?

No worries, Hiro, just lusting after the monster in my head.

Instead of saying that, I defaulted to the weird session I’d just endured.

“Dr. Bradley is crazier than I am,” I said with a sigh, shaking out my body and grabbing my backpack. I’d been sent here after virtual class and had to bring it with me.

“He tries.” Hiro shrugged. “He’s better than Vane.”

He whispered the last part, and I found myself reaching for him, letting our fingers clasp around each other in solidarity.

For a moment I thought he was switching to Roman. I’ve noticed he freezes in place, eyes going vacant. It seemed this time he fought it and won.

Hiro might not have come out and said what had happened to him. But I had a feeling I knew, and it made me hate the doctor more.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Seeing him shake had me squeezing his hand harder and resisting the urge to pull him into a hug. I didn’t want to make it worse. Trauma was hard to face even in small doses.

“How long have you been here, Hiro?” I asked quietly.

We were walking down the hall with no real purpose in mind. But I was starved for touch enough that I didn’t want to pull away.

“Do you want to sneak outside?” he asked instead of answering. I nodded and he rushed to the security station.

“Hiro,” the old man greeted with a familiarity I hadn’t expected. This was not their first encounter.

“Can we be let out in the courtyard?” Hiro asked in a small voice.

“Sure, let me grab an orderly,” he said quickly. The man stepped away and returned a minute later. “Dale will meet you at the door.”

“Thanks,” Hiro said before dragging me that way.

“You and I have a very different idea of sneaking, Hiro,” I teased.

His returning smile was so cute that it made me realize I’d really needed someone like him around. It was funny, but they all seemed so normal to me now. Layne, Crew, Roman, Hiro, hell, even Drake, were all starting to grow on me.

We all shared the camaraderie of being trapped here and having the issues we did. I found myself wanting them to like me, to crave to get to know them, to form real connections.

I was just over a week in and settling in, but it was moments like this that made it not feel like the walls were closing in.

If only my mates and I could have a real future. We weren’t even allowed to experience heats here, let alone the freedom to be together.

Not to the extent most packs were.

“Drew doesn’t know, so it counts a little,” he defended as a tall orderly with gentle brown eyes and braids that reached his shoulders gestured him over. It was a rare kind face among all the assholes here in Dark Haven.

“There he is, how are you, Hiro?” he greeted with that same familiarity. “And you are?”

“Harlow,” I answered with a smile. If only the rest of the staff was kind and gentle like these guys. I didn’t even mind that he was checking our backpacks for weapons or anything dangerous before letting us out.

“Nice to meet you, let me know when you’re ready to head in,” he said as he pulled out his phone and led us outside. The moment we walked into the yard he closed the doors and settled on the bench just beside it.

“How can people like that work for Vane?” I wondered out loud as Hiro pulled me along. The touch was addictive and settled something in my soul.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem eager to let go either.

“Balance,” Hiro suggested quietly. “That’s one thing my grandmother always used to say. The world requires balance. A bad day will be followed soon by a great one. Pain will eventually be followed by relief. And here, the evil is countered with good.”

“She sounds wise,” I said. From the way his face was pinched with sadness, I had a feeling she meant a lot to him.

“She was,” he said without going further into his story. “Have you been out here yet?”

“Once. With Nurse Drew, actually. I needed air and she took a smoke break,” I explained. “I was just staring up at the gargoyles and wishing I was anywhere else.”

“I’ve done that a few times,” he said as his fingers squeezed mine briefly. “It’s hard not to feel so insignificant here. But if it’s any consolation, I’m glad you came.”

“Thanks,” I said. His words burrowed into my chest and settled there, the feeling of acceptance and friendship foreign but addicting.

It almost seems too good to be true, and I’d have questioned it from anyone else. Hiro wasn’t the type to lead me on, to lie just to tease me. Strangely enough, I trusted him.

We needed to talk about the mates aspect but I wasn’t in a rush for that. There was plenty of time for that.

“I feel better now than I have in a long time. At least I’m not quite so lost among the hallucinations.”

“That has to be scary,” he said in that quiet way of his.

“It was. My mind creates literal monsters. Not all are terrifying, in fact some have turned into a comfort blanket of sorts. Others have me jumping out of my skin. They’re terrifying and feel wrong. Imagine having shadow people surrounding you most of the time, closing in on you when shit gets hard,” I explained. I’d never really voiced what it was like living with the shadows, but it felt good to get out.

“Is that why you screamed at group therapy?” I appreciated his curiosity, it was free of judgment, instead it was like he cared enough to understand.

My entire life everyone wanted me to keep them to myself, to pray them away, but Hiro seemed to be asking so he could understand what I was dealing with everyday.

“Sort of,” I said simply. “What’s it like for you to live with Roman? Is it just you two?”

“It is now,” he admitted hesitantly. I could tell it wasn’t easy to talk about, and I appreciated he was willing to let me in, even if just a little. “There have been others over the years since... it happened, but I barely remember them now as strange as it sounds. He’s always been the strongest.”

“I’m glad you have him, it sounds kind of nice to have a protector with you,” I whispered. When he froze next to me, I turned to look at him, finding a dazed expression on his face. “What’s wrong? Did I say something stupid? I’m so sorry.”

“No, no,” he reassured me, snapping back to reality. “It’s just... no one ever acknowledged that he wasn’t something wrong , you know?”

It made me furious that anyone would say Roman was wrong, that Hiro was. Yet I understood, it was how I just felt telling him about my shadows.

We continued walking in silence for a few moments while I tried to find the right words that weren’t colored by my frustration at how the world viewed him. All I had to offer Hiro was empathy and understanding.

“I get that a lot, too,” I admitted. “I was raised by a gambling, absentee father then an abusive grandmother who thought I was possessed. It wasn’t like we asked for this, but we’re also not broken because of it.”

“We aren’t,” he agreed, and the smile on his face had my breath catching. Hiro was beautiful. It was a strange way to describe a guy, especially one taller than me. But he was.

His hair was soft and shiny, his eyes bright green and expressive, even his perfectly straight smile lit up his face to make it even more stunning. There was a shadow of facial hair on his chin but it didn’t take away from his overall softness.

I was lucky to have him, I just wished I knew how to express that. Navigating mates was hard, doing it in a setting like this was damn near impossible.

“Do you like stories?” he asked so abruptly it broke the moment between us.

“What?” I asked, confused. “Like bedtime stories?”

He reached in his backpack and pulled out a well-worn book. “It’s a collection of various mythology. It’s my nerdy specialty.” His smile faltered at my silence, and I could practically see him second-guessing himself.

“I’ve never really had a chance to dive into mythology. I spent a lot of years in a strict house, then on the streets. Sometimes homelessness is better than the ‘home’ you grew up in,” I admitted.

“I was homeless, too,” Hiro admitted. “Roman kept us alive and at the time we had more alters. The stress of it all brought more out to play, I think. That year was a blur. By the time we got picked up and sent to a state inpatient facility, I was barely functioning. It was just as hard to manage as being homeless. Despite Dark Haven’s faults, it saved me, too. When I came here I started proper medication, found friends, sort of... more importantly, I found myself.”

“Was it weird losing the other alters?” I asked. “Sad?”

He thought it over as he clutched the book. His hand was still in mine, so I stroked it with my thumb.

“Having DID means I spend a lot of time forgetting things and having time blocks. I knew there were more but we weren’t good at communicating like some are. If not for journals I’d be completely lost. So no, it’s not really sad, more like... a blank space that I can’t make full sense of.”

I could tell he was uncomfortable now, and the last thing I wanted was for him to pull away from me. We needed a major subject change, one that didn’t involve reliving our pasts.

“Will you read one to me?”

You’d have thought I asked him if he wanted Christmas to come early with the way he let out an excited laugh. Now he wasn’t just walking with me, he was running to lead me to the gazebo. We sat down on the bench, and I snuggled into his side as a breeze blew over us. He tensed slightly before relaxing and wrapping an arm around my shoulders, his free hand holding the book while I turned the pages. Neither one of us knew how to take the casual touches but we craved it.

I couldn’t tell you what the myth was about. His voice was low and soothing, and I let it wash over me as I considered all the shit that had happened over the last week and why I was letting myself get so comfortable here.

Yet I was powerless to stop it. For the first time, I was making real friends and finding myself. And that was almost worth the pain I’d fought through to make it to this very moment.

Dark Haven wasn’t perfect, but it was quickly becoming the first real home I’d ever had.

Even if it felt like I was being watched at all times… even now in this moment of peace.