Page 10

Harlow

Saturday Morning

Third Floor

S omething shifting on my bed had me bolting upright. My heart pounded in my chest as I frantically glanced around, expecting a monster to be attacking me again.

Instead, it was Layne, crouched on the end of my bed like a goblin.

“Morning. You sleep deep,” she commented before hopping down and flipping on my lights.

I groaned at the sharp sting and covered my head. “Layne, what the hell?” When she didn’t respond I pulled my cover down and blinked to adjust my eyes.

She was perched by the door, leaning against the wall with a wide, unapologetic grin.

“Breakfast time. It’s waffle day, bitch, get your ass up, the others won’t wake up,” she called. She wasn’t satisfied until I’d pulled myself out of bed and thrown my hair in a messy bun. I skipped changing out of my sweatpants and oversized shirt since she was watching me like a hawk. Knowing Layne, she wouldn’t have batted an eye at seeing me naked, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go down that road right now. I was too tired to deal with her commentary.

The hallway was quiet and dark when we walked out there. Layne hooked her arm through mine, humming a cheerful tune that sounded an awful lot like the Mario theme song.

“Breakfast?” Hiro’s hopeful voice echoed down the hall, and Layne stopped and turned, which also forced me to follow suit.

“Come on if you’re coming, I’m hungry,” she called back. He took her at her word and sprinted to catch up to us since she was already turning us back and hitting the elevator.

“Thanks,” he huffed out as he bent over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. “I really need to exercise more.”

“Waffle day waits for no one, Hiro,” Layne said as if she were imparting ancient wisdom on him. He bit back a smile and caught my eye, both of us trying not to laugh at how serious she was right now.

Knowing Layne, she’d take it personally, and I wasn’t trying to piss off the few friends I was making around here.

She rushed off the elevator the moment it opened.

“Is it usually this busy?” I asked as soon as she shoved open the cafeteria doors. The noise level had me wincing and seriously considering going back up to my room.

She narrowed her eyes on me as I took a step back.

A looming shadow appeared behind her, as if it were a champion of her frustration. My eyes widened and I took another step. My hallucinations had been so quiet lately I’d almost forgotten that I was crazy for a second.

Though my old counselor said I shouldn’t call myself that, but why not call a bird a bird? Sane people didn’t see something akin to a boogeyman on a regular basis.

“Don’t you dare, Harlow. This is a pivotal moment in our friendship. I don’t eat alone,” she growled. The complete personality change didn’t take me by surprise like it did at first, so I merely nodded and stepped into the room behind her, side-eyeing the figure that was watching me a little too closely.

My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it’d crack my ribcage open right here and now.

Hiro slid his hand in mine for solidarity, and I gave him a grateful smile, letting the gesture pull my gaze from the creepy asshole stalking us.

My eyes burned with unshed tears, hating that such a tiny gesture could mean so fucking much to me. The moment he touched me, it grounded me, the noise seemed quieter and my panic shrank to manageable levels. The figure was gone the moment I glanced back, and that was the only reason I walked farther into the cafeteria.

Now that I could breathe again, I could smell the sugary scent that was wafting through the dining room. The buffet line was filled with stacks of waffles and toppings.

Layne didn’t hesitate to rush forward and pile two plates high with waffles, adding more toppings than I’d ever seen one person eat.

The rest of the patients clearly knew how important her waffles were; they parted as she carried her precarious tray back to the table.

“Her ability to eat that amazes me.” Hiro chuckled as he started making his own waffles one-handed, so he didn’t have to let go of mine. It felt too good for me to want to be the one to break the touch so I didn’t. At least not until I had to pick up my tray.

Now that I wasn’t in a fog like the other times, I actually paid attention to the cafeteria around me as we walked to our table. Most of the cafeteria was like any college cafeteria, no supervision, but along the back wall was a separate dining area.

There was a half wall that separated them from the rest of us. The cafeteria workers brought their trays over and a guard stood outside of the entrance. Orderlies milled around the tables watching them closely.

“They’re high security. The dangerous ones,” Hiro said. “They’re on the fourth floor.”

“They’re all dangerous?” I questioned.

“Well, there are some that aren’t even allowed to come down here,” he admitted. “These are the ones on good behavior, I guess. We never get much on them, but Nurse Drew is a bit of a gossiper if you catch her in the right mood.”

I didn’t bother to say I thought that ship had sailed thanks to me zoning out on her cigarette break.

Layne had already eaten half of her food by the time we put our trays down. The way she danced in her seat had me cracking up.

“That good?” I questioned. She mumbled something I couldn’t understand around a bite before shoving another in.

“That means yes,” Hiro translated. He’d drizzled peanut butter and chocolate chips on his. I’d opted for strawberries and bananas and a side of syrup just in case.

My first bite was like heaven. They were still warm and fluffy, and I didn’t even realize a moan had slipped out until Layne snorted and Hiro blushed as he adjusted himself. The idea that Hiro found me attractive despite all my issues seemed far-fetched, but then again, here we all had issues. We were mates for a reason.

I found him attractive, and Roman, too, but it was complicated. Hiro was sweet and thoughtful, yet sexy. Roman was strong and protective, yet caring, and just as alluring as his counterpart. But I also craved Drake’s anger, it spoke to another side of me, that primal need to relieve my stress.

Then there was Monty.

After our last encounter, I’d been thinking about him differently. Before he was my protector, now he wasn’t so much a protector but a constant in my life. I needed that.

I needed him.

It was unexplainable, but I was protective over him even when he fucked up or said something stupid.

He was my monster.

Eating turned robotic after that. When I got too far into my thoughts it was like my body went on autopilot. In a way it was as if I were out of my body, watching me do things, but I felt oddly disconnected.

The heavy feeling of depression followed close behind, hitting me all at once. I wanted to fight it, keep my wits about me, but it was impossible. Even with medicine in my system it managed to find a way to take over, consume me from the inside.

I barely paid attention as we threw our trays on the return and made our way back to the elevator. Hiro casted me a few questioning looks, but I didn’t have the energy to explain.

“I have to go to security for something,” Layne said absently before hitting the first floor button and three for us. She gave a hasty wave that I didn’t bother to return. The elevator doors slid closed, but I didn’t notice Hiro moving until he slammed a hand on the stop button.

I blinked up at him, but he was moving my way, stepping into my space and looking down at me with a calculating gaze. The softness of Hiro was gone, this was his alter, the one who likely wouldn’t let me hide from answering him.

“Hello, Roman,” I greeted him as the scent of campfire and smoke hit me. I couldn't even appreciate it now. He narrowed his eyes at my hollow voice.

“What is this?” he demanded. It wasn’t unkind, but also left no room for argument.

“Depression, you heard of it?” I deadpanned. He didn’t react to my snark, keeping his gaze locked on mine waiting for more. Roman wasn’t getting anything else.

I didn’t owe him an explanation, he wasn’t my protector, he was Hiro’s.

“What triggered it?” It was the perfect question to startle me out of brat mode. The question might be strange to anyone who didn’t already deal with mental health themselves, but to me it meant he was paying attention. He knew I didn’t just drop into something so sudden without a reason.

Maybe I was reading far too much into it. But I liked being seen .

I looked away from him and to the floor. How could I explain the mess in my head to him?

“Harlow...” He trailed off as if he couldn’t find the right words to continue. The concern was mixed with frustration. I had a feeling many didn’t challenge him like I did.

“It’s fine, Roman. It happens to the best of us,” I said. “Meds help, but sometimes I end up here anyway.”

“Why won’t you say?” The way he spoke, so honest and blunt, was strange but also reassuring. His eyes were imploring, like he truly wanted to know, to understand... to help. I found that this time I couldn’t deny him an answer.

“It’s complicated, Roman. Life already is, but now... certain feelings are getting in the way.”

“How do you feel about Hiro?” he asked. Of course, he would assume I meant just Hiro.

“I like Hiro, I do. He’s really great, and I can’t make sense of what I feel exactly but it’s different. Attraction and friendship… we’re mates, I think. He makes me want to learn more about him, but he also makes me feel as normal as I can possibly feel. And it’s not just him...” I was rambling now but he kept pushing.

“Drake.” It wasn’t a question.

“And you.” My intention wasn’t to be so blunt but I found the words spilling out now that I’d started. He may not have realized, and yes, he was a bit harder to read and talk to than Hiro, but he was equally as attractive to me.

I liked that he was honest and blunt, there was no guessing with him. I also liked that he could see right through me and demand for me not to hide. I needed that in my life more than I’d ever realized.

“But I don’t know what to do about it or how to handle it, especially the mates part. My body doesn’t even feel like my own anymore.”

Roman didn’t seem startled by the words, but a small smile did grace his perfect lips. It was an unusual sight after his stoic expression.

Roman didn’t fill the space with false words. He pulled me into his arms and held me tight, my tears slipping free at the comforting embrace. The moments stretched on before a voice echoed through the elevator intercom.

“You will lose elevator privileges if you stop it again. Free up the elevator now or I’ll be forced to report it.”

Roman snorted but let go of me and hit the button. I bit back a smile as the elevator whirred back to life, climbing the floors. The depression was still there, but not quite as heavy as it had been at breakfast. It was odd to me that sharing with someone I trusted helped so much.

I wasn’t just touch-starved but kindness-starved as well. Even now I wondered what they wanted from me, why they even considered me at all.

Sure, they were friendly and held my hand, hugged me. But that didn’t mean they were interested in more. Mates didn’t always mean we would bond.

“I want nothing from you but friendship for now, Harlow,” Roman answered. “If it turns into something more, I’d love that, if not, that’s something we all would respect.”

“Shit, sorry, I meant that as a thought, not something I’d say out loud.” I winced.

The doors opened and I rushed out as if I could escape Roman and my embarrassment. He grabbed my wrist, spinning me so fast I almost crashed into his chest.

How did Roman seem bigger than Hiro? Because right now, he felt like a brick wall in front of me. An alpha.

It was impossible, right? Could alters be different designations?

He didn’t release me, holding me so close I was forced to look up into his green eyes. They lacked Hiro’s softness, and in this moment, I found the hard promise there important.

“This isn’t on a timeline, Harlow. I know you have a lot to heal from and this has to be secondary. You deserve to have that space. I’m not asking for your heart right now,” he promised. “But never doubt that you are worthy of our attention. You’re strong, confident, sexy, and we want to get to know you. Hiro and I both.”

“Really?” I hated how vulnerable I sounded, but his words hit every insecurity I was clinging to like a freaking toddler with his blanket. It was safer to think they didn’t like me. I couldn’t get hurt if I was too afraid to pursue it, right?

“Stop doubting yourself, Harlow,” he ordered. “You are enough. They were the ones who were lacking. Never forget that.”

He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead and walked away as if he hadn’t just shattered the walls I’d formed around myself years ago.