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CHAPTER FIVE

ALANNA

My world is spinning out of control. It shouldn’t be, but it is. All because Cy seems determined to step into my life like I was supposed to just be okay with it. To let him do it without so much as a fight.

I don’t think so.

Throughout the rest of the ride to the clubhouse, I think up what I’m going to say. How I’m going to say it along with how to do so without damaging the bond between Charlotte and him.

If we did have a tail, then it means it’s time for me to disappear. It sucks because I’ve worked so hard in the past years to keep a low profile to stay hidden. The last email I’d gotten from the encrypted email Davis sent, they were overseas, deployed for a year.

This sucks because it means even if I could ask them, I couldn’t.

I don’t want the club involved in this. It’s not their problem. It’s mine. Bringing them in would mean owing them in a way I cannot repay. I don’t mind taking the job working for Rebel, or Willow babysitting with the others chipping it. Those are things I can handle. I can still look in the mirror when faced with these things. Them doing anything more, and I won’t be able to.

They don’t need to know what I’ve been through. That Charlotte is my daughter. Nor do they need to know how it was my dad who forced himself on me, and I’ve not in all these years had sex with another man.

I hadn’t even kissed a man before. The only experience I have is that of what I endured with one who was supposed to protect me the most.

This doesn’t mean I don’t have thoughts or needs. I’ve thought plenty of times about Cy sexually. Each dream is always about him.

The other night, when he had me in his lap and was talking to me, I visualized that plenty of times in my head, only those times neither of us were clothed.

“We get inside, I’ll carry her.” Cy’s voice draws me out of my thoughts.

“You should’ve just taken me home.”

My heart starts racing and it’s all I can do to control my breathing. The last thing I need to do is let him in on just how much he affects me.

“Already told ya.” Cy grunts and maneuvers the truck into the parking area for the clubhouse, into a spot before shifting the truck into park.

He doesn’t wait around to say anything else.

I watch as he hops out, taking the keys with him, rounds the front of the truck, and comes directly to my door.

“Out you go, Short Stuff.”

Reaching across my lap, he presses the seatbelt buckle, releasing me from its grip. His hands come to my waist, and sure enough, I find myself out of the passenger seat and on my feet.

The cold chill is blocked momentarily by his larger body and the door.

“You’re early, brother,” Gunner calls out as Cy takes my hand and pulls me out of the way of him closing the door. “Thought I was swinging by to pick Lottie up later.”

“Some things came up,” Cy responds, letting my hand go in order to get Charlotte out of the back.

“What came up?” Gunner asks, coming closer, eyes coming to me and grins.

“Shit that Alanna and me need to discuss here.”

“There’s nothing to discuss,” I try once again as Cy pulls away from the truck, Charlotte knocked out, head on his shoulder, an arm around his neck.

Cy’s gaze comes to me, brow cocked. “You wanna get into this out here?”

“How about we not get into it at all,” I snap.

“I think I’m just gonna snag Lottie girl and take her inside. I’ll put her in your room,” Gunner remarks coming forward. Cy shuffles her over to his brother.

“Appreciate it, brother,” Cy states, not taking his eyes off me.

“Not a problem.” Gunner keeps his voice down, hand going right in the center of Charlotte’s back, and whispers, “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you inside out of the cold while Mommy and Daddy fight.”

If I weren’t clenching my teeth, I swear my jaw would’ve fallen to the floor.

“We’re not fighting,” I manage to say through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna snow again tonight.”

“It is?” I ask, my gaze shooting at Gunner as he keeps walking. I hadn’t seen anything about more snow.

“Yep, it’s why the party got canceled for tonight. Instead, the kids are all doing a sleepover here at the clubhouse. Cy might want to check the group text.”

“I’ll check it out later, I appreciate the heads up, though,” Cy calls, way too much in my space.

I should’ve moved away when I had the chance.

“You want to change your thoughts on sharing?” The way the question comes past his lips sends a shiver down my spine.

“No,” I barely manage to get the lie out.

Cy comes deeper into my space, his body blocking the wind chill, which I’m grateful for, but he also presses me into the side of the truck. “Think you and me, we’ve got some things we need to get straight between us, and that’s the fact I’m not going to put up with you lying to me anymore.”

“I’m not lying.”

I totally was, but he doesn’t know that. He can’t know if I am or not. The guy doesn’t even know anything about me other than where I work. What he thinks of Charlotte and me being sisters is all a lie. Everything about me is a lie.

“Don’t bullshit me, baby, it’ll only end with you in trouble, and you don’t want to be in any more than you already are. Now, since Gunner is taking Charlotte to put her in my room, you have two choices: we go to my office, or we go to your place. While we’re at your place, though, you and me, we’ll be packing a bag for both of you.”

He can’t be serious.

“Why do we need to pack a bag?”

“Because until I know what the fuck is going on, I’m locking you down to keep you from doing anything fuckin’ stupid, as I can see you’re gearing up to do.”

“No, I’m not.”

If lightning were to strike me down here and now, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’d totally been ready to pack up Charlotte and run.

“Yeah, you are, woman, and I’m not about to let you do it. This isn’t just Charlotte’s home, it’s her family, just as it’s yours. You can’t run from it.”

“Cy, you don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. Nor can you tell me where home is.” I press my hands into his chest, feeling the heat of his body warming through the chill starting to sink in. “Step back, Cy, and drop this. It’s none of your business.”

“Want me to prove to you that you are, in fact, my business?”

I didn’t think he could come any closer, but he does. Oh boy, does he get closer.

Hands at my hips grip me tightly, though not in a painful way. It’s just the right amount of pressure to catch a person’s attention.Cy uses his hands at my hips to lift me until I’ve no other choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. My hands go around his neck, and I hold on for dear life. Not that he’d ever drop me. That much I know for certain.

However, right now, we’re entering uncharted waters at nearly warp speed, and I don’t know how to handle it. Cy needs to back off before he becomes the very person to cause mayhem and destruction to my very carefully laid out way of living my life.

With him pressing me against the side of his truck, I can feel his body, all of him, that is , and the feeling causes an ache between my thighs I’m not used to. Anytime Cy’s been around me, there’s always been this . . . spark when I looked at him and he looked at me. He’s never actually touched me before the other day. Even the other day, he hadn’t ignited anything like this inside me.

Then again, I hadn’t felt his hardness as I can feel it now.

Oh boy, I am in trouble.

“Here’s what’s happening since you refuse to fuckin’ listen to me and want to fight about everything right now. We’re gonna go get y’all’s shit, while we’re there doing just that, we’re gonna have a talk. That talk being you telling me what the fuck is going on with you and why someone would be following us.”

Shifting away from his truck, Cy keeps hold of me while opening the passenger door. The minute it’s open, he plants me right in the seat and steps back, closing the door and sealing me away.

I watch him prowl around to the driver’s side and climb right in without any issues whatsoever.

“What about Charlotte?” I manage to ask, not wanting to leave her.

“She’ll be fine. No one is going to bother her and considering Gunner took her in, I’m pretty sure Zenia is in there with him,” he says and jerks his chin. “Besides, Willow’s car is also here. No one in this clubhouse is going to not be watching out for Lottie. She’s in good hands. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“I know she’s in good hands.” I knew. I’ve always known Charlotte was safe here within the walls of the club. In truth, she’s safer with the club than she is at home with me.

The thought is painful and hurts to even let come across my mind, but I know when the time comes for me to make a decision on what I’m going to do, I need to decide whether or not I’m going to leave her here with them under their protection, or if I’m going to take her with me.

Regardless of what I do, I first have to get away from Cy. Maybe if I give him the truth, tell him my story, he’ll leave me be. I mean, who wants a woman that the only experience she has is at the hands of her own father? I can’t give him what he wants from me, no matter how much I’d love to do that.

In the end, I’m my own destruction, and he’s not ever going to want someone with such a damaging past as mine.