Page 21

CHAPTER TWENTY

ALANNA

Staring at nothing in particular, I try my best to control my breathing and get control of myself. I shouldn’t have gone off the way I did in front of everyone. It’s not like me to lose it.

It’s just so much. Everything is closing in on me, suffocating me in a way. I’m struggling just to catch my breath.

Between all of what I’m feeling for Cy, him saying everything that he does, my family finding me, my brothers showing here with all that’s happening, it’s just too much. I need to breathe. I need to be able to decompress. I swear I feel like I’m walking on eggshells more than I already was.

If I could go back to when it was just Charlotte and me, I would. I should. But visions of Cy pop in my head, him asking me to trust him, fill my ears, and I can’t.

Cy’s proven more than once I can trust him, and I do. I trust him, and in doing so, I’m giving in to him. Allowing him to take care of things, granted it’s becoming more challenging. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. To make things even more difficult, finding out that my mother is involved in the property, Rebel is doing everything she can to keep the land from being sold.

Now, with my brothers here, I know deep down that it’s all worse than I thought it was. Far worse. Not only do I have to worry about whether or not my dad finds me and, in turn, my daughter, I also have to worry about my mother getting her hands on my little girl. She never cared for me growing up. That is unless she was dictating what any of us were doing. She didn’t know what her own husband was doing to her daughter. She didn’t care he yelled and screamed at her sons. So long as everyone was falling in order to her wishes, that’s all she cared for.

I find myself leaving Cy’s room with no real destination in mind. It’s not like he’s going to let me leave the clubhouse. Without thinking, I walk into the main room of the clubhouse to find it nearly deserted. My brothers were still there, sitting with Bruiser and his wife.

The two of them had gotten married a couple weeks ago and had been gone. I didn’t even know they were back yet.

Gwyneth spots me first and gives me a small smile. “Hey, Alanna,” she calls in greeting.

“Hey,” I respond automatically.

All the men in the room turn their attention in my direction, and I swear it feels like I’m under the microscope with the number of eyes on me.

“You done with your hissy fit?” Davis asks, one brow cocked, arms on the table, his body twisted for him to look at me.

“I wasn’t having a hissy fit,” I protest and start to walk away once again. As much as I missed both my brothers, I was in no mood to deal with them at the moment. Plus, a part of me wanted to find Cy.

“Your boyfriend left with the rest of the club to go deal with the whole situation that pertains to the property,” Willis says, halting my steps.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” The word feels too juvenile for what I feel toward Cy. Which is nuts, considering I really didn’t know him know him. I know what I’ve allowed myself to learn.

“What would you call him then?” At Willis’s question, I spin to face him

I open my mouth to say something, but Bruiser gets there before me.

“Cy’s her man, and she’s his ol’ lady. Knowing my brother as I do, he ain’t gonna want you two ganging up on her, his woman. Doesn’t matter you share blood or not.”

Gwyneth shakes her head and moves away from Bruiser, all while patting his chest then his shoulder. “Did you want some coffee or anything, Alanna?”

“No thanks, I don’t need it.” What I wanted was for Cy to be here. To be able to talk to him again. It hurt to know he left without talking to me, but what could I say? Or do? What he left to do is important. I should’ve been with them, though. I shouldn’t have allowed my emotions to overwhelm me as they did.

“What about some hot chocolate?” Davis suggests coming out of his seat. Hands digging into a bag that he had on the back of it. “Brought you some that we found in Germany.” He looks to Bruiser. “Don’t worry, it’s sealed up. You don’t gotta worry about it being tampered with.” His gaze comes back to me. “Figured we couldn’t come see you without bringing you and Charlotte something.”

“Speaking of Charlotte, where is she?” Gwyneth asks.

“She’s with Willow in the back,” I tell her. “She was playing with Delilah.”

“Ahh, okay.” Gwyneth grins, nods, and looks to Bruiser. “You and I should go check on Willow.”

The way she says this, I don’t miss the message between the lines. It’s written on her face.

Bruiser shakes his head, grinning at his woman. “You go ahead, Princess. Can’t leave these two unattended when I told Cy I’d stick to them.”

“And you can’t keep an eye on them while giving them space to catch up with their sister?”

I look away from the couple and head toward the kitchen. I want to spend time with them, but I need to do something to keep my mind occupied. If I don’t, I’ll end up doing something I really shouldn’t. Like, let me mind going down the rabbit hole. Or worse, think up the best way I can handle everything on my own. I really should do that. Just get out of here and handle things myself. Why is trusting in Cy so dang hard? But I’m going to do it.

My daughter trusts him. Loves him even. I want her to have what he gives her in her life. She deserves him.

I barely get in the kitchen when I feel my brothers both bearing down on me, joining me along with Gwyneth and Bruiser. The rest of those who’d been in the other room stayed behind.

“Here’s the chocolate,” Davis says, sliding it onto the counter as I make my way around it.

“Thanks,” I mutter, though I don’t look up at him. Instead, I go about starting to put together everything for dinner. I figure with everyone else doing something, I can make dinner for them all. Show my appreciation for their help. Granted, I’m still unsure of how I feel about everything going on.

“Do you want any help, Alanna?” Gwyneth asks.

“If you want to chop up peppers and onions,” I tell her.

“Making chili?” Bruiser questions.

“Yeah,” I answer him, nodding and grabbing the siracha.

“Are you making Nona’s chili?” Willis pipes up, sounding somewhat surprised and hopeful all at once.

Nona had been the cook in our house. She’d been there most of my life and was the one who taught me to cook and bake. Her name was actually Rosa, but she always told us to call her Nona.

“It’s the only chili I know how to make.” I shrug, keeping to what I’m doing.

“Ah fuck,” Davis grunts. “I ain’t had her cookin’ since leaving home.”

It’s hard not to look at him as his words or the longing I hear within the tone.

“I haven’t had the chance to eat anything Alanna’s made, but I’ve heard from Rogue and Rebel that her cooking is the shit,” Bruiser remarks, taking one of the stools.

I can’t handle anything else. Doing my best to ignore them all, I busy myself with making chili. It’s the only thing I can do right now. It’s the only thing anyone is going to let me do. It’s also what I don’t really want to be doing. I’d much prefer to be doing something completely different. Like lying in Cy’s arms with him holding me close to his chest like the way I had woken up this morning.