Page 65 of Cry Madness
—The Dodo,Alice in Wonderland
Well…
So far, this morning has been eventful. Pleasantly eventful, I might add. Waking up to Maddox’s…um,attention…is a damn fine way to start the day. I don’t even care that the muscles in my legs (and vagina) are sore as hell. Still beats waking up alone, lonely, and miserable.
All that frantic energy, his arrogance, his sarcasm—all of it makes him…him. And I’ve missed that fuel powering my life. Adding a sprinkle of thrill to my days.
Above all, I missed having someone with whom I can be completely myself—flaws and all.
Are there aspects of Maddox I overlook? Absolutely. So what? I can ignore the fact that Maddox hurts people for a living. This reality doesn’t gnaw at my conscience. Perhaps becausehe doesn’t choose his victims at random, his targets deserve their comeuppance. If doing…what he does serves as a coping mechanism, a way to keep his mania at bay, then I won’t be the scissors that cut the threads holding his sanity together.
Am I an enabler? Perhaps, in a nuanced way. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter because I don’t give a single shit about societal norms. They mean nothing. We live in a chaotic world, and this is Wonderland. Here, everyone’s a bit mad, with the devil in the details of how bonkers a person is.
I spent the last three years running in the wrong direction. This, him—I give Maddox’s hand a gentle squeeze and see his lips lift in a smile—is where I should have run to when the pain became unbearable. Maddox would have helped me carry that burden, but I suffered alone and nearly drowned. I guess I think I needed to battle my way free of those turbulent waters alone…or succumb to the tide. Wish I could say I’m not still rolling in those choppy waves, but at least I’ve finally allowed myself to grab hold of a raft rather than keep treading it and expecting not to sink under the surface.
I slide a glance at Maddox, relaxed behind the wheel of the Dodge. I love that he still wears the top hat, but good Lord, it’s taken a beating over the years. Hopefully, he’ll let me replace it with something…not so weathered. He’s tapping his fingers along with the beat of Maxine Nightingale’s “Right Back Where We Started From” because one thing about this man is that he speaks to me through music. Always has, and I listen—truly listen—to the songs he likes and those he sends me.
They tell the story of us and speak the emotions he doesn’t know how to say.
“What?” he asks when he catches me staring at him.
“Nothing,” I reply with a shrug.
“Then why are you watching me? It’s creepy.”
I snort out a loud laugh. “Said the creeper.”
He has the audacity to feign insult. “That’s different.”
My brows shoot up at that shit. “Oh, really? How?”
My God, that mischievous grin does all sorts of wonderfully wicked things to me. “Because, Malice, it wasme, not you.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re too much.”
“So you keep saying, and yet, you took all of me perfectly fine before.”
The heat of a blush instantly ignites my entire face. “You didn’t play fair. You got me while I was sleeping.”
He snaps his fingers. “Gotta stay frosty around me.”
Nodding, I say, “Yeah, yeah. I forgot that golden rule.”
Maddox nods at the security guard when we roll up to Briar Rose’s main gate. By now, after three years, everyone on campus knows him, of course. He’s a larger-than-life presence everywhere he goes. Rather than parking near Bremen Hall, he takes a right and drives farther, pulling into a spot closer to Juniper Hall.
“Am I taking you back to Folly House, or…”
Cringing, I’m already shaking my head. “I wish,” I say on a groan. “Ivory had to have her gown altered, and she asked me to go with her to pick it up.”
Maddox’s disgust is actually palpable. “Good fucking God, I forgot your mother’s shitty-ass party is this weekend.”
Shocked, I ask, “How could you forget?”
“Perhaps because the only reason I’m going to this damn thing is because you are.”
“Aw, thank you.” I lean across the console and kiss him. “I appreciate your sacrifice.”
His aggravated grunt is hilarious. “As well you should. I haven’t gone to her stupidsoireein three years, but I’m breaking my no-show streak for you.”