Page 20 of Cry Madness

My only problem is that Maddox plays the game better, and he plays it filthier.

Also, he’s relentless.

But that doesn’t deter me from my newly formed (and probably terrible) plan. But that’s not what scares me when I hit the gas and drive away. What has my heart beating wildly against my sternum as I speed down Main Street is that a part of me is a demented glutton for agony who enjoys Maddox’s attention. I prayed he’d have fought harder for me. Hoped each text I got, each call, and each knock at my door was him. Shutting him out of my life was a unique brand of torment…even though being around him was equally painful because it forced me to remember the night my dad died. To feel that night all over again, and again, and again, until I had to put distance between us to salvage my sanity.

But that never stopped me from wondering about the what-if.

What ifmy father hadn’t died that night?

What ifI’d stayed in Wonderland?

What ifI hadn’t pushed Maddox away?

Andwhat ifI dared to tear down the wall between us and let him back in?

What if…

SIX

“You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take more than nothing.”

—Hatter,Alice in Wonderland

My favorite words have always begun with M.

Mayhem.

Malicious.

Mischief.

But always, Malice topped them all.

My magnificent Malice.

I shouldn’t be here, but I’m known for making terrible decisions. Why stop now?

Four things to note: One, I kept the key I swiped from the Knightly’s key rack when I was a teenager. Two, Luther or Katherine should have changed this lock years ago, but they never did. Three, I’ve known the code to Tiger Lily’s security system since I was a kid. Four, not that it matters, because this door doesn’t have an alarm.

Luther feared that Alice, as a child, would set it off since she was always running in and out of the cellar. After she grew too old to play down there, her parents never added a sensor to this door. Their oversight is my gain.

I also have the code to the front gate, but I didn’t drive up, not tonight.

Tonight, I scaled the wall and crept up like a dirty thief.

With a balaclava firmly in place over my head and as quiet as a grave, I fit the old iron skeleton key into the rusted lock of the child-sized door at the back of the house. Am I dressed head to foot in black to blend with the shadows? Absolutely. Did I have to creep the three blocks from Folly House to Tiger Lily Manor? Sure did. And did I hop a six-foot spiked gate that surrounds the property? Got the snagged pants to prove it. Well worth the damage to these sweatpants. Even came down hard when I landed, nearly twisting an ankle and falling backward on my ass. Still worth it.

Wait.

Is it considered breaking and entering if I have a key?

Look at me, trying to be all reasonable as I give a gentle turn of my wrist. The mechanism of the antiquated metal grinds, and when I hear the satisfyingclick, I curl my lips in a mischievous grin. Then I push open the tiny wooden door, its eroded hinges creaking. But their protest dissipates on the night as I relish the thrill of being where I most certainly don’t belong.

Beads of sweat bleed into the fabric of the mask, with evil grinning skulls tattooed on the backs of my hands hidden beneath black leather gloves. Anticipation makes me lightheaded and my heart race for all the wrong reasons, but hey, I’ve acceptedthe absence of a conscience the day I killed a man without a shred of remorse or regret or even gratification. Slit his throat and walked away to go about my night.

I was seventeen years old—far too young to take a life, even younger to mourn the loss of whatever morality I might have had.

I don’t know why I’m like this, only that I was born…flawed, I guess. My brain was put together wrong, with a piece missing somewhere. Sure, I can pretend I’m ‘normal,’ but it’s bullshit. A façade to hide the monster that lives inside me.