Page 24 of Cowboy’s Last Stand (His to Protect #1)

“Because you’ll think of him anyway when I tell you about my nightmare. We might as well get it out up front.”

She took a deep breath. “OK.”

“This is a disturbing story. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Yes.”

“I was an EOD tech on my second tour.”

Natalie was unsettled by this news, though it wasn’t an unusual job in the military.

Being on the bomb squad was dangerous; being the bomb tech, even more so.

Everyone on the team had to take risks, but the tech was the person who actually dismantled the bomb.

Now she understood why Jason worked the way he did, with efficient movements and pure focus.

When he said he could fix anything, it wasn’t a boast. After tinkering with explosives for a living, tuning up cars and remodeling houses must seem like a piece of cake.

“I was good at it,” he said shortly. “I enjoyed the stress and challenge of the work.”

She believed him.

“I was overconfident.”

“I imagine that you’d have to be in that profession.”

His mouth made a sardonic twist. “It started out as a typical day on the job. I was sent to evaluate an explosive device. It was a car bomb on the edge of a residential street. I didn’t consider it a high threat.”

“Was it?”

“Yes. There was a second set of fuses leading to an underground cache. Not a car bomb, but a freaking bunker of explosives. We call it a back-to-back. It’s a strategy used by insurgents.

They plant one bomb, which explodes and causes significant damage.

When the residents return to the scene to search for survivors, along with medical teams and soldiers, the second bomb hits.

This one was designed to take out dozens of people, even entire blocks. ”

Her heart sank. “Go on.”

“I reassessed the threat and informed my team. They had to evacuate a much larger area than we’d planned, including a nearby mosque. It was chaotic. I should have retreated with them. Instead, I decided to go ahead and attempt dismantling.”

“Oh,” she whispered.

His forehead furrowed with regret. “I assumed the first bomb would trigger the second on a time-release because that’s how it’s usually set up.

It looked easy to defuse. I wanted to save the neighborhood from being destroyed and prevent possible deaths.

Assembling a second team with more support would take hours. I thought I could handle it.”

“What happened?”

“I made a mistake with the wiring and sped up the time-release instead of dismantling it. I knew immediately that I was in trouble. I couldn’t run because of my suit, but I tried anyway. I tripped and fell.”

Natalie clapped a hand over her mouth. She was familiar with the protective equipment bomb techs wore. The suit was bulky and heavy.

“I rolled over to crawl. My teammate came to help me against my orders.”

“Would you have died if he’d listened?”

This question gave him pause. “The incident report indicated a 90 percent mortality rate at the range I’d been in, so yes.

I probably would have died. He got me to a safer distance before the explosives detonated.

It was inside the mosque. The walls offered some protection, but the ceiling fell down on us.

” He touched the back of his skull again.

“I ended up with a broken leg and a traumatic brain injury. It took a long time to heal.”

“What… what happened to your teammate?”

Jason’s eyes became distant. “He didn’t make it.

I drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to move.

There was rubble on both sides of us, and he was on top of me.

I could hardly breathe. The comms didn’t work, so I couldn’t call for help.

The recovery efforts were slow. I wasn’t rescued for forty-eight hours. ”

Natalie stared at him with a mixture of sympathy and horror. No wonder he avoided enclosed spaces. He’d been buried in a collapsed building with a dead man. “I can’t imagine how excruciating that must have been for you.”

“It was worse for him.”

“You feel responsible.”

“I am responsible.”

“What would you have done in his place? Left your teammate?”

A muscle in his jaw flexed. “I was his superior. I gave him a direct order. He should have followed it. He had a family.”

“You have a family.”

“He had a wife and child.”

She acknowledged the importance of this difference; she’d lived it. She also recognized that his guilt was a motivating factor in his presence here. He wanted to help her because she was a military widow. “Have you spoken to them?”

His eyes shone with unshed tears in the muted light.

He cleared his throat but didn’t respond.

She rose from the front step and sat down next to him.

When she wrapped her arms around him, his body went taut.

Discomfort radiated from him, but he didn’t pull away from her.

Nor did he break down, though his shoulders shook with unexpressed emotion.

“They would be proud of his bravery,” she whispered.

He seemed unable to speak or cry. She brought his head to her chest and rubbed his back in soothing strokes.

She hoped he would stop torturing himself.

This was the secret he’d been keeping, the “wrongness” she sensed in him.

He’d been injured mentally and physically.

The traumatic experience had literally broken him.

He couldn’t forgive himself for the death of his comrade.

He’d walked for months without gaining any self-acceptance.

Although his eyes stayed dry, hers did not.

She had no trouble summoning tears lately.

She cried for him and for Mike, who’d been killed in action like Jason’s teammate.

Jason wrapped his arms around her snugly.

They stayed that way, finding solace in each other, until he drifted into a dreamless sleep.