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THREE

SAVANNAH

HE’S KIDDING. HE’S got to be kidding.

Please let him be kidding.

I look over Zeke’s face, hoping to find some hint that he’s teasing me, even though I know he’s not. Zeke isn’t really the teasing type. He’s always serious. Always focused. It’s part of the reason I felt comfortable enough to approach him while I keep the rest of the men who work at Alaskan Security at arm’s length. They’re all extra kind to me because they know what I’ve been through, and I know they are committed to the women they’re with. But...

If I didn’t know all of those things, their overly friendly smiles, soft words, and somewhat forced laughter would make me feel like they were flirting with me even though they’re not. And allowing myself to be charmed by a man is what got me abducted, held hostage, and raped. Now, flirting and charm sends my stomach rolling.

But Zeke’s serious temperament is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it makes it easy to see he’s not flirting with me.

But it also means he is extremely serious about wanting me to scream.

I shake my head. “I’d rather not.”

A hint of empathy flickers across his stoic face. “I know. Breaking that seal is a slippery slope.” His steely blue eyes hold mine. “But keeping it in will rot you from the inside out, Savannah. Don’t let them do that to you.”

I swallow hard, my throat getting tight because I know I’ve already lost part of myself to the very rot he’s speaking of.

I used to be happy. Used to love my life. So many things brought me joy and peace. After narrowly escaping Russia with my sister and my life, I swore I would never take another day for granted.

But here I am. Hiding. Watching time go past me. And I want to be happy again. I want to find the joy I used to grip so tightly.

That’s the only reason I find myself taking a deep breath, hands clenching at my sides as I rock on my feet. Opening my mouth, I push out a yell. It’s not long. It’s not loud. But hopefully it’s enough to appease the man in front of me.

Zeke shakes his head before I’m even finished. “That’s not it. You know it’s not.”

I hold his eyes, because, once again, he’s right. Has somehow managed to see right through me.

It should irritate me. Irk me that he didn’t listen when I said I didn’t want to do this. Instead, it makes me feel better. Gives me hope. Makes me think he’ll keep me from getting in my own way. Stop me from stopping myself.

So, for a second time, I take a deep breath, clench my fists and yell. This one comes from my belly, turning guttural as it twists up and out, filling the silence of the gun range with only a little of my frustration and fear.

Zeke nods in approval. “Good.” He crosses his impossibly thick arms over his chest, eyes locked on mine. “Again.”

This time it’s easier, and the scream rips out of me, taking all the air in my lungs with it.

Zeke nods as I pull in another breath. “Excellent.” His tone is gentle. “Again.”

I’ve already got the air I need and I scream again, tipping my head back, aiming it at the vaulted ceiling, trying to force it into every corner of the oversized space. The sound flies free and I hear the pain. The suffering. The agony as it echoes around me.

My next breath fights to fill my lungs and I don’t wait for Zeke to tell me again, I just scream. But this time it turns into a sob. I can’t stop it. Can’t control my body as it’s consumed by each tortured wail that breaks free. Over and over again they pour out of me. Tearing loose until there’s nothing more to come out. Then I stumble forward, latching onto Zeke as I sag, weak and drained.

My cries continue as I cling to him. Not loud and long like before, but soft, hiccuppy sounds break free as I press my wet, tear-streaked face against the soft cotton of his shirt.

His big, broad body stiffens for just a second, but then his arms encircle me, warm palms gently smoothing along my spine.

I’ve hugged my sister. Been embraced by the other women who work at Alaskan Security on a few occasions over the past year. Every single time it felt like I was the one reassuring them that everything was okay.

That I was okay.

This is different. Zeke knows I’m not okay. He knows I came to him because I’m still afraid. Still affected.

And this time I’m the one being comforted. The one being soothed.

If that was all this moment offered it would be enough. More than. But being enfolded by his heat and his strength offers something I never expected to feel again.

Safe.

For the first time in a year, I feel completely, utterly safe. Safe to be nothing more than what I am. Safe to admit I’m still afraid. Still broken.

And safe because I know without a shadow of a doubt this man is ready, willing, and capable to help me fight every one of the ghosts that haunt me.

ELISE IS STRIDING out of her office, headed straight for the large break room across the hall when she sees me and stops short. Her brows jump up in surprise as she juggles a load of groceries. “Hey.” She glances behind me, leaning just a little like she needs to get a better look to see there’s no one behind me. “Where’s your sister?”

“Umm.” It was probably naive of me to assume no one would notice I was here on my own. “At home, I think?” Giving Elise room to wonder why I’m not there too seems like a bad idea, so I serve up a question of my own, hoping to distract her. “You look like you’ve got your hands full.” I step in, carefully taking one of the large shopping bags loading her down. “Is it restocking day?”

“It’s always restocking day.” She blows out a loud sigh. “I’ve never seen people eat so much food.”

I follow her into the large room where many of the employees who work at headquarters every day take their lunch breaks. With floor-to-ceiling windows and a decked-out kitchen, it’s way nicer than anywhere I’ve ever taken a lunch break.

Not that I minded the teachers’ lounge at the elementary school where I used to work. I loved it, actually. Enjoyed spending time chatting with my coworkers and living a regular life. After the childhood I had, I never took a single second of normalcy for granted. I thought the worst was behind me and was looking forward to everything life had in store.

Then I was abducted, held hostage, and had to pretend to be in love with my captor to save myself. And all the hope I had for my future went up in flames.

Elise hefts her remaining two bags onto the counter of the large island and digs in, unpacking bulk boxes of yogurt and family-size packages of string cheese. “What brings you here so early in the morning?”

I set my bags alongside hers and go to work pulling out bundles of pre-made peanut butter crackers and bags of chips. “I thought I’d probably be more useful here than I am sitting inside my house all day. New year, new me, right?”

It’s been my main activity for the past year. It was the only place I could breathe. The only place I didn’t spend every second looking over my shoulder. But life is passing me by. I’m missing everything while I stare at the walls. I can’t do it anymore.

“Well, if you want to be useful, I can sure as hell use the help.” Elise moves on to her second bag, pulling items out and stacking them into the cabinets and fridge. “I thought this job would get easier as I got into a groove and figured out a system to keep everything running smoothly. I guess technically it did…” She turns to face me, expression flat. “Then Pierce decided we needed another, more centralized location. And now I get to add helping him figure out how to make that happen and what it will take to get it up and running to my list of job duties.”

This is the first I’ve heard of a new location, but to be fair, I spend ninety-nine percent of my time at my condo, and the other one percent attached to my sister’s hip. I’m not really in the circle of knowledge around here. “Where is he thinking of putting the new location?”

“Only about five hundred different places.” Elise’s brows lift and her lips purse. “And I’m the one who gets to schedule all the realtor appointments.”

“Who will man it?” I ask, trying to sound only mildly interested. “Do you think he’ll send Rogue?”

Elise’s eyes come to my face, her usually serious expression softening. “Honestly, I don’t know who he’ll send. It’s most likely going to be either Rogue or Shadow.” She steps close, her voice gentle. “But no matter who he sends, you get to decide where you live. If you want to stay here, you stay here. If Jamison and Sadie go there and you want to stick with them, you go there too.”

I know a lot of people around here think Elise is a little harsh. A little abrasive. And maybe she is. But I appreciate her no- nonsense way of tackling life. I like that she won’t try to sugar coat things for me because of some sort of misplaced belief I’m breakable.

I’m not. If I was, I would be in a thousand pieces by now.

I smile, both at her words and at her willingness to offer them. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” She gives me a grin as she goes back to the groceries. “Because I fully plan to put you to work now that I know you’re bored.”

Really ? Part of the reason I’ve been hidden away so long was because I didn’t see where I could fit into a world like this. I’m not a badass like my sister. I don’t know how to break into computer shit like Harlow and Heidi. I can’t even do investigative work like Mona and Eva.

But I can totally help Elise manage the office. “I would love that.”

My response seems to surprise her. “Yeah?”

I nod, grabbing the box of snack-size trail mix and tearing into the flap. “Yeah.”