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ELEVEN

SAVANNAH

I NEARLY JUMP out of the chair when Zeke appears in the doorway of his office. I was expecting him, but the way his presence seems to suck all the air out of the room still has me on my feet. “Hey.”

“Sit.” Zeke motions to his chair—the one I’ve been sitting in all week.

I do, but barely perch my ass on the edge. It’s fitting, since that’s how I feel. On the edge.

Of what, I don’t know, but it’s simmering under my skin, making it difficult to sit still and even harder to stay focused. “How did it go?”

Zeke lowers into one of the chairs on the opposite side of his desk, looking over the changes I made to the surface as he answers, “I’m pretty sure it was Mona who wanted to talk to me so I could confirm her suspicions.” He huffs out a laugh. “Seems like Pierce thought he could keep the errand he sent me on a secret.”

“I didn’t tell anyone.” I defend myself even though Zeke hasn’t accused me of anything. I like that he trusted me enough to tell me where he was. How it was going. And I want him to know I would never betray his confidence.

Zeke looks me over and I fight the urge to shift in my—his—seat. “I know.”

My mouth opens, then closes. Then I ask, “You do?”

The hard line of his lips softens as he leans back, relaxing into the seat. “We’re the keepers of each other’s secrets, aren’t we?”

A slow grin spreads across my face. “We are.”

I know my sister will do anything for me. Has tried her best to help me any way she can. But we’re so different and it makes it difficult for her to really understand how I’m feeling. Somehow, Zeke seems to get me, and that makes him so easy to be around. To the point that I seek him out, looking for more of what he offers.

Like an addict.

“What are your plans for the weekend?” Zeke is still in his relaxed pose, but something has shifted. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s there. Hanging in the air.

“Well.” I swallow, smoothing down one side of my hair as I try to collect my thoughts. “I was hoping to get my condo a little more together.” I hesitate, because now that Zeke is back, there’s something I’d really like to do, but I don’t want to monopolize his whole life. “And I was thinking about maybe going to look at cars.”

Zeke’s brows lift. “You want to drive?”

That’s a tricky question. “Not technically, but I also don’t want to keep riding in with Elise.” I lean forward, lowering my voice. “Have you ever been in a car with her?”

Zeke matches my position, bringing his big body closer so he can rest both forearms on the surface between us. “No. Because I value my life.”

My next inhale is permeated by the scent I tried so hard to replicate, and it fills me all the way to my toes, sinking into my cells and soothing them. “She’s terrifying.”

“If you can ride with her, you can do anything.” He leans back. “And that includes driving in winter in Alaska.”

My stomach clenches at the thought, but I don’t really have a choice. “The snow is part of it, but…” I trail off, not wanting to finish the admission.

“I know,” he says, voice soft. “It just takes time.”

“It’s been a year.” Way longer than I expected back when Sadie and Jamison rescued me. Honestly, I thought I’d take a couple months to come to terms with what happened, and then I’d move on. It’s not like this is the first traumatizing thing to happen to me in my life. “I didn’t think this would be so difficult.” I hesitate before making a confession I wouldn’t give anyone but him. “It’s much harder than losing my parents was.”

I hold my breath, sure he’s going to judge me. I wouldn’t blame him. I judge myself. How is my parents being executed by the bratva less awful than something I survived?

But Zeke’s expression doesn’t carry a trace of disgust. Only the same calm focus he always provides. “We will get you through this, Savannah.” His gaze holds mine. “I promise.”

I believe him. Much more than I believe myself. “Okay.”

“And the first step to getting you through it, is making sure you never have to get in a car with Elise again.” He smirks when I laugh. “Do you need help picking out a car?”

My stomach tightens at the prospect of seeing him this weekend. He was gone so long and I feel so freaking good when he’s with me. “I do.”

Could I do it myself? Probably. But Zeke knows what it’s like to drive around here. He’ll be able to help me pick out something I’ll feel safe in.

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m free this weekend.” Zeke stands. “You tell me when.”

“Tomorrow?” I sound eager. I am. “Maybe in the morning?”

“Tomorrow morning then.” He goes to the door. “I’ll pick you up at nine.”

My smile is so wide it almost hurts. “Perfect.”

Zeke turns to leave, but stops. Looking back my way, he tips his head to the items I arranged on his desk. “I like it.”

My overwide smile manages to get even broader. “I’m glad.”

He disappears from view and my smile slips a little. I know he’s tired. Probably sore too, even though I managed to get him to take pain medication. Stubborn man was going to suffer through. I don’t get why he would turn down relief, especially since he was planning to go to bed anyway. Hopefully that’s what he does now. And hopefully, Pierce doesn’t interrupt him again.

As much as I would have liked to spend more time with him, I have work to do before I leave for the day. Even with the interruption of Zeke’s arrival eating up a chunk of the workday, I buckle down and tackle the tasks Elise gave me, managing to get them all done. I’m just closing up my computer when she comes across the hall to collect me, lifting her brows as she ties on her coat. “How’d you do?”

“Good.” I slip on my own wool coat. “I got everything done.”

“You are a freaking life saver.” Elise lets out a relieved sigh. “I’m serious. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She leads me out into the hall. “Probably throw things.”

“That would just make a mess you’d have to clean up.” I sling my bag over one shoulder as we cut through the building to the parking garage.

“Ugh. True.” Elise waves at the guy manning the glassed-in office as we pass on our way to her car. “Speaking of cleaning up messes, how’s unpacking going?”

“Not awful, I guess.” I settle into the passenger seat. “It’s difficult because my new place is so different from the house I had before, so I’ve got to wrap my head around the way it could all fit together now.” I have plenty of things to fill my condo, but none of them seem to work the way they did, and it’s frying my brain a little. “I’m getting tired of moving the same thing five hundred different places to figure out where I want it.”

“If you need help, let me know.” Elise shoots me a grin as we pull out of the garage. “It’s only fair that I help you the way you’re helping me.”

I smile even though I know I’m about to almost lose my lunch. “Thanks.”

I’ve been so closed off over the past year that I haven’t spent much time with the people around me, and it’s one more thing I’m regretting. Elise is awesome and her can-do attitude is rubbing off on me.

I think.

“Anytime.” She whips around the side of the building so fast the tires struggle to find purchase. She’s quiet for a minute, then her eyes come my way. “Monday we have to find a new office for Zeke.”

“What?” I sit up straighter, barely even noticing as her foot hits the accelerator. “He has an office.”

Elise shrugs. “He said you can have it.”

“But I don’t actually work for Alaskan Security.” And I never intended to run Zeke out of his own office. I’m already taking up so much of his time. I shouldn’t take up his space too. “I can just work in the break room.”

“You think so, but everyone will drive you freaking crazy if you sit in there.” Elise purses her lips as she looks out the windshield, paying way more attention to the road than she normally does. “Maybe you guys could just share it. He travels a lot, so it’s not like he uses it every day.”

“But it’s still his office.” I don’t hate the idea of sharing, but that’s not really fair to him. He’s been here way longer than I have, plus he’s an actual employee at the company. I’m just some chick with nothing better to do.

Elise turns out of the office park located outside the gate in a maneuver that barely jostles me. “You’ve put more effort into that office in a week than he has in ten years, so I might argue it’s more your office than his.”

“That wasn’t why—” I catch myself, sealing my lips together just before I tell on myself. “That isn’t really relevant.”

Elise still doesn’t look my way. “Oh.”

“It was just stuff I found when I was unpacking. I couldn’t come up with a spot for it in my house, so I put it there.” The argument is weak. Probably because it’s not true. “I can easily move it.”

But I don’t want to. I like it where it is. I like that Zeke has a spot in his life that isn’t empty and unwelcoming. Especially now that I’ve seen the barren space he lives in. It’s too bad I can’t sneak some stuff in there too.

“I guess you two can decide what to do.” Elise peeks my way from the corner of her eye. “You could always share it.”

That’s an interesting possibility. It makes sense. Like Elise said, Zeke isn’t always in town, and I’m technically not even an employee. We probably wouldn’t even cross paths that often.

I’m still thinking it over when we pull up in front of Elise’s condo. She pauses in the short drive, giving me a smile as I collect my things. “Let me know if you need any help this weekend.”

“I will.” After offering her a wave, I trudge along the shoveled sidewalk and up the steps, letting myself in the front door.

I’ve just hung my coat in the closet when there’s a knock at my door. Even though no one can get into the neighborhood without passing through the gate barricading us in, I still peek through the peephole, just to be safe. My stomach clenches when I see it’s my sister standing on my doorstep.

After taking a deep breath, I open the door, offering a smile. “Hey.”

Sadie’s expression is unreadable. “Hi.”

I step back so she can come in, closing the door behind her. “What’s up?”

Her eyes move over the clutter stacked around the main floor. “I should probably ask you that.” She turns, her accusing gaze moving over me. “Where have you been all day?”

“The same place I’ve been every other day this week.” While I have kept the time I’ve been spending with Zeke from my twin, I haven’t been as secretive about the time I’ve been helping Elise. “I was at headquarters.”

Sadie’s brows pinch together, like she can’t wrap her head around what I just said. “Again?”

“Yes, again.” I brace one hand against the wall so I can lift a foot to unzip the boot on it. “Elise needs help and I need something to do.” I try not to sound irritated, but fail.

“If you wanted something to do, we could have found you a teaching job.” Sadie goes back to the plan she’s had for me since I officially moved to Alaska. “I’m sure you could sub until you’re ready to work full time again.”

“I don’t want to teach.” The words surprise me as much as they surprise her. I’ve avoided thinking about it, done all I could to pretend it wasn’t true.

But it is.

Sadie’s eyes go wide. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” A pang of sadness pokes through me. “I loved teaching, but it’s too much.” Too loud. Too congested. Too much interaction with people who would rely on me to give them what they need.

And that’s not something I can offer.

Sadie comes toward me, resting both hands on my shoulders. “It will get better. Soon you’ll be ready to get into the classroom again.” Her tone is pleading. Desperate. “I know you will.”

My throat tightens around a lump as I look over my sister’s face. I’ve waited for a year, thinking one day I would magically wake up and be the person I used to be. That if I just held out long enough, everything would go back to the way it was.

It seems I wasn’t the only one.

Sadie offers a smile. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.” She lifts her brows. “That’s why I came over, actually. Jamison and I have to go to Florida for a few weeks. It’ll give you lots of time to relax and enjoy the sun and warmer weather. I bet by the time we come back, you’ll feel like a new person.”

It takes me a minute to process what she said. Then it takes me another minute to digest it.

“I’m not going to Florida with you, Sadie.” I’m finally finding some footing in my life. Finally moving forward. I can’t stop all that, and I don’t want to.

My sister’s head bobs back in surprise. “What?” She huffs out a laugh. “If you’re worried about Elise, I can promise you, she’ll be just fine without you.”

The casual way she dismisses what I’m doing and the value it offers is like a punch in the gut. “I’m not going to Florida.”

“But…” She scoffs, like it never occurred to her that I wouldn’t follow along with the plans she’s made. “But if you stay here you’ll be alone.”

No. I won’t. But she doesn’t know that. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out.”

I can tell by the look on her face she’s about to argue with me, and I just don’t have it in me. So I open the door, holding it wide, hoping she’ll take the blatant hint I’m giving. “I have some work to do.”

Sadie’s lips flatten and she almost seems like she’s going to argue with me for a minute, but then she surprises me with a smile. “Yeah. Okay.” She crosses onto the porch, pausing to turn. “We can talk more in the morning.”

“Sure,” I say. I have no intention of discussing this tomorrow, or any other time really. I’m not going to Florida. It’s just not happening.