Page 35

Chapter

Eighteen

Damn it.

Once again, Jake had been so close to getting Alannah out of this mess only to fall short at the last moment.

He had weapons, they had a means of transport, and yet it wasn't enough.

The damn motor had been destroyed by a bullet.

Feeling the weight of failure and defeat resting heavily on his shoulders, Jake looked over at Alannah who was watching him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“I’m sorry,” he told her, wishing she knew just how deeply. He was supposed to protect her. Why couldn’t he for once in his life actually follow through on that vow?

Crawling across the bottom of the boat, Alannah rested a hand on his knee. “Jake, you don’t have to be sorry. You literally saved my life. Again.”

“I keep failing you, sunshine.” Not allowing himself time to think about it and second-guess his instincts, Jake reached out a hand and palmed her cheek. “I always fail you.”

“How do you figure that? Because you couldn’t stop my parents from being the terrible human beings that they are?

That is not your fault. You were there for me.

Always. No questions asked. If I called, you came.

When I was sad, you cheered me up. When I needed advice, you gave it to me honestly, no beating around the bush, telling me what you thought I wanted to hear, or sugar-coating things.

When I started my business, you were my biggest cheerleader, making me believe in myself even when I doubted I had what it took to make it work. ”

Alannah shifted closer, and her other hand reached out to grab hold of his.

“When I’ve made bad choices in relationships, you’ve always helped me pick up the pieces.

When you thought I might be in danger because of the people after your family, you stayed away to protect me.

You saved me in the fire at my gym and again in my building’s parking lot.

It was because of you we weren't on my yacht when it blew up, and without you, I would have drowned in the ocean in the storm. You found this island, made us shelter, found us food and water, and kept us alive. And you saved us again right now, killing two people before they could hurt me. How can you possibly think you’ve failed me?

From where I'm standing, I'm basically the mess you somehow manage to keep alive and functioning.”

The smile she shot him and the teasing tone of her voice eased some of the weight crushing him down. While he wasn't sure he believed what she’d just said, it helped to know that she believed it.

“And, Jake, you gave me a precious gift on this island, you made me see that I wasn't broken, only banged up a little. You helped me smooth out those dented pieces and heal a little more of my childhood trauma. Thank you.”

Moving up onto her knees, she rested her hands on his shoulders, squeezed lightly, and then feathered her lips across his before rocking back onto her heels and shooting him that determined look that he recognized.

“Now, the Jake I know doesn’t give up that easily.

I know we’re both exhausted, worried, and scared, but we have a boat.

Who cares if it doesn’t have a motor? At least it’s seaworthy.

If we’d wound up building a raft it wouldn't have had a motor either. I say we grab ourselves some branches for oars and we get the heck out of here.”

She was right.

Giving up wasn't in his vocabulary.

These feelings of failing Alannah couldn’t be allowed to dictate the decisions he made.

Building a raft had been his intention if they weren't found by his brothers in a couple of days, and they would have had to use oars to row it away from the island.

This was a whole hell of a lot more stable and safer than anything he could have made, so they were definitely in a better position, even if they could have been in an even better one if the motor hadn't been damaged.

“Thank you,” he said, leaning in to brush a kiss to her lips. “You're right. This can still get us out of here, just a lot slower. Stay here, I’ll grab us some branches.”

“I can help.”

“You could, but I'd rather you stay here. Won't take me long,” he assured her.

Leaving both weapons with her in the boat, Jake jumped out and quickly swam the short distance back to shore.

No one had ever spoken about him the way Alannah just had.

Sure, plenty of women were impressed with his body and his military service, who might go so far as to call him a hero.

But they didn't speak in that same impassioned tone, like he wasn't just a hero but a superhero.

Was that how Alannah saw him?

Had she been saying those things just to break him out of his moment of panic, or did she really see him as the person in her life that she turned to to seek whatever it was she needed?

As he crossed the sand to the nearest trees and began to break off a couple of branches that were the approximate size of an oar, he realized he’d always thought he brought nothing but his promise of protection to their friendship.

She was the one who brought light, joy, happiness, energy, and a sense of balance.

Without her, he was sure he would have succumbed to the dark anger that raged inside him.

Looking back at the boat as he picked up the branches, he saw her watching him. When she noticed him looking, she waved at him, and even though he couldn’t properly see her face he knew she was smiling at him.

Warmth spread throughout him, and he was suddenly filled with the need to be closer to her, to have her by his side where she belonged.

Belonged.

Never had he thought of it that way. They were best friends, and they spent a lot of time together, but they’d also had separate lives in a lot of ways. He kept his romantic interludes to himself, and Alannah never shoved her boyfriends in his face.

Maybe that was because they had both felt something neither had dared to speak aloud.

Splashing through the water as quickly as he could, he tossed the branches into the boat, then planted his hands on the side and boosted himself in. By the time he was sitting in the boat, Alannah already had two of the four branches he’d brought with him in her hands.

“I'm glad you didn't act all silly and macho and only bring branches for you,” she said, shooting him one of her brilliant smiles.

Despite the fear still lodged firmly in his gut, he smiled back at her. “I didn't want to listen to you complain with no way to drown you out.”

For a second she just stared at him, her mouth hanging open in shock.

Then she snapped it closed and shot him another smile.

“I like this new side of you. You’ve always been my grumpy, but these last couple of days you’ve been different.

Making jokes and being all sexy.” Her cheeks blushed as she said that final word, but she didn't break the hold her gaze had on him. “I know it’s crazy because we’ve both been terrified about the future, and we’re both exhausted, but I like it.

I like seeing you learn to be more relaxed. ”

It was her.

She was the reason he felt lighter.

Something about connecting with her on a deeper level had unlocked some as yet unnamed emotions inside him.

“I’ll try to keep that in mind for when we get home,” he told her.

“When,” she said with a nod.

The last thing he wanted to do was burst her bubble and rid her of the enthusiasm she was feeling because she was going to need that energy. But he also couldn’t allow her to hold onto false hope.

“We’re going to do our best to get home, sunshine, but we still have a long road ahead of us.

Yes, we have the boat, and it’s going to help us a lot, but we won't be able to move all that fast across the ocean. We have no protection from the sun or the weather if another storm rolls in. We don’t have any food, and more importantly, we don’t have any water. ”

“You make it sound so hopeless.”

“Not hopeless, sunshine. Never hopeless. I just want us both to have realistic expectations. I also want you to know I won't give in to the fear again like I did earlier.” Jake knew he couldn’t afford to when Alannah’s life rested in his hands.

“Oh, Jake.” This time when she leaned over, she touched a tender kiss to his cheek.

“The whole world isn’t on your shoulders.

You're allowed to be human. Allowed to have emotions. Even allowed to panic once in a while. When you slip, I’ll be here to hold you up.

I might not be as big and as strong as you, but I can steady you and let you rest for a while. ”

Alannah was right.

She wasn't as big and as strong as him.

She was bigger and stronger.

Not physically, but emotionally.

Despite being treated badly by her parents all her life, Alannah still sought love and happiness, whereas growing up being made to feel like a burden had led to him closing himself off emotionally to everyone outside his family.

Had his determination to protect himself from potential pain cost him a chance at healing and happiness?

Or was that chance sitting beside him so determined to work with him as his partner regardless of the consequences?

And if Alannah was his chance, was he brave enough to reach out and take it?

October 21 st

2:14 A.M.

Part of her wished they were back on the island.

As Alannah lay on her back inside the small motorboat, staring up at the vast expanse of sky above her, she couldn’t help but think back to that night on her boat.

Back then, she’d felt so optimistic, she thought that she and Jake were safe, they’d left the threat behind, and everything felt fresh and exciting.

With her feelings for Jake already beginning to change, the wide sky above them, littered with a million sparkling stars, had felt like a wealth of possibilities.

With his body warm and strong beside hers as they sat under that blanket watching the sunset and the night sky come to life, everything had been perfect, and now …

Now they were once again lost at sea.