Page 21

Chapter

Eleven

Alannah’s totally unexpected words shocked him out of his fear for a moment.

Turning his attention from the sky to the woman beside him, Jake found she was still staring at the gathering clouds above.

Had he really heard her say what he thought he heard her say?

Surely, he must have misheard.

Surely .

Because there was no way what she’d said could possibly be true. While he’d never particularly liked thinking about it, even less in this moment, Alannah was a woman in her early thirties who’d had a few serious relationships.

Serious relationships meant sex, so no way could she really never have had an orgasm.

Unless …

They might be best friends, but they didn't discuss their sex lives with one another. Was it possible that Alannah was a virgin and he’d just never realized it?

“What the hell, Alannah?”

Tilting her head back down so she was looking at him, she blinked her eyes slowly as though only just realizing what she’d blurted out in her fear.

“Umm …” she dragged the word out and didn't add anything to it.

“Are you a virgin?” Jake was totally aware that not only was his question completely inappropriate, but now was not the time to be having this conversation. A storm was coming, the wind was picking up, the waves getting bigger, they had to get moving while they still could, and yet …

He couldn’t seem to let it go.

“Jake …” There was a clear warning in her tone. She wanted him to drop it, and he should, he just couldn’t.

“Are you?” he barked, not quite sure why it mattered so much.

“No,” she muttered, averting her gaze by turning her head away from him.

Nuh-uh.

No way was she hiding from him.

He was her best friend, he was supposed to be the one person she could confide in without fear of judgment.

Something he’d obviously failed at conveying.

Just because he could be gruff, didn't engage in conversation that he didn't personally deem necessary, could come across as being aloof and uncaring, didn't mean that any of those things applied to Alannah. He thought she knew that, but maybe she didn't.

“If you're not a virgin, then what did you mean?”

The wind continued to pick up, and with the way it whipped up the waves, sending them crashing across the surface of the ocean, it was getting harder to hear.

Although he suspected why he didn't catch Alannah’s response was more because she muttered it under her breath than because the weather was making it too difficult to hear her words.

“Look, can we just forget I blurted that out in a panic?”

Despite the pleading note to her voice, he shook his head. “No.”

“But, Jake?—”

“I said no, Alannah. Now tell me. How is it possible that a woman as drop-dead gorgeous as you, who has been in several serious relationships, who isn’t a virgin, is worried about dying without ever having an orgasm and not getting what the fuss is about?

Tell me. I want to understand,” he added, gentling his voice on those last words.

“It’s embarrassing, okay?”

“Sunshine, this is me. Your best friend. There isn’t anything you can't tell me.”

When she scoffed, he realized how stupid those words sounded when he said them aloud.

While he absolutely one hundred percent meant them, he’d never encouraged Alannah to treat him as her safe place, even as he vowed to be her protector.

Since he was a guy and she was a girl, he’d always assumed she took her talking needs to her other girl friends.

Now as he managed to catch how miserable she looked even in the darkness, he realized that had been a mistake.

Being betrayed by her own family in such a horrible way meant she had trust issues. He knew that, understood it. But since she had lots of friends and was always in some relationship or another, he usually worried more about her getting taken advantage of than her emotional needs.

Mistake.

Big one if the way she inched away from him, putting what distance she could between them was any indication.

“Talk to me, please?”

“I’ve just never orgasmed, okay? It’s no big deal, I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t even know why I did, it just came out. We have bigger problems than the fact that there’s something wrong with me and I'm terrible at sex.”

A growl rumbled through his chest before he even realized it. “If you didn't come during sex, that’s your partner’s fault, not yours.”

The small smile she gifted him was full of pain and not her usual sunshine.

“I’d believe that, but I can't come on my own either. Trust me, I’ve spent a small fortune on enough toys to know that it’s not the toys, and it’s not my partners’ fault, it’s all mine.

I guess I'm just defective.” She gave a humorless laugh that broke his heart, and he was filled with a determination to fix this for her somehow.

“I doubt you're defective. You just have to learn your body, what it likes and what makes it hum with desire and need.”

“Hum with desire and need?” Alannah gave another laugh, this one a little more genuine. “Who are you and what did you do with my grumpy best friend?”

Just because he wasn’t even close to being the most demonstrative guy around, he always made sure to attend to the needs of any lover he had.

Long term relationships had never been his thing, but if he was going to sleep with a woman, he was damn sure going to ensure it was good for her, that she didn't walk away thinking something was wrong with her like Alannah’s partners had done to her.

Before he could say anything more, there was a huge crash of thunder, and like someone had turned on the faucet, rain suddenly pounded down around them.

Following the roar of thunder, a crack of lightning lit up the night sky.

This was not good at all.

If a spark of lightning hit the water close to them, they’d be dead.

Electrocuted.

As if they needed another problem right now.

The temperature was dropping, they weren't dressed to be out in the water, and they had only one working life jacket. Between the wind, the rain, and the growing waves, swimming was going to be difficult, and keeping close to each other next to impossible.

Losing Alannah to the ocean was not an option.

But how was he going to ensure they didn't float away from one another?

He had no rope, nothing to tie them together, they could hold onto each other, but they weren't going to be any match for the storm, and the ocean could quite easily rip them apart.

They’d been tossed around too many times after they jumped and got caught in the explosion, then he’d been too focused on finding Alannah rather than trying to keep a direction in his head.

There were no prompts in the sky since the stars were covered by thick clouds, so he had no idea which way to swim to get them to the closest piece of land.

Failure wasn't an option.

Not when he had Alannah with him.

Twenty-eight years ago, he’d made her a promise, he’d vowed to protect her, and while it was quite obvious he’d failed several times over the years, this couldn’t be one of those times.

Now her life was at stake, he was responsible for her, he’d agreed with the yacht plan rather than going with the rest of his family to Delta Team, and he was the one who hadn't done a detailed enough sweep of the boat.

Alannah was in danger because of him.

So he had to fix this.

He had to figure out a plan.

“I'm scared, Jake,” Alannah’s voice somehow managed to rise above the storm raging around him, even though he knew she hadn't spoken particularly loudly, certainly hadn't been screaming to be heard.

But he heard her.

Saw her.

Knew her.

Better than anyone else did.

Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her close, needing one moment to just hold her, flood his senses with her feel and her smell, then he could compartmentalize and do what he had to do to get them out of there alive.

“I’m scared too, sunshine,” he admitted, allowing himself one second of weakness and vulnerability. “But I promise you this, Alannah. I will get you through this, I swear it.”

There was sadness in her eyes that he caught only because of a well-timed flash of lightning. “Us, grumpy. We have to get both of us through this.”

That was the plan, but in the end, if only one of them could survive it wasn't going to be him. It was going to be his sunshine.

October 18 th

5:50 A.M.

Swim.

Swim.

Swim.

Don’t stop.

Don’t give up.

Swim.

Swim.

Swim.

Don’t stop.

Don’t give up.

The words played on a constant loop in Alannah’s mind.

Alannah had zero idea how long it had been since she and Jake found the bomb and jumped off her yacht, but she knew it felt like a lifetime. It could have been minutes that had passed, it could have been hours.

Time had no meaning when it was dark, the rain pounded down around you, the waves did their very best to grab you and shove you under, and your entire body was working against you.

Exhausted didn't even begin to describe how she felt. She’d thought she knew what it felt like to have no energy, that’s how she’d felt in those days following the first fire. Empty, drained, barely able to function.

But this was different.

This was all-consuming.

This was barely functioning.

This was wondering how you were could possibly keep going.

It shouldn’t be possible. Her limbs felt like lead, she was so cold she shook uncontrollably as she swam, and pain painted her entire being.

Whether or not she had any actual injuries, Alannah wasn't really sure, but she knew she hurt, knew she couldn’t keep going like this indefinitely.

Then again, what choice did she have?

It was keep swimming or die.

Which was why the mantra continued in a loop.

Swim.

Swim.

Swim.

Don’t stop.

Don’t give up.

Swim.

Swim.

Swim.

Don’t stop.

Don’t give up.

She didn't want to give up, didn't want to die out there, didn't want to leave Jake all alone to face the horrors of being lost at sea in a storm.

But it was getting harder and harder to force herself to move.

It felt impossible.