Page 65 of Control Freak

Gray and Emory were already there, collecting a pitcher and glasses. They’d driven over on Gray’s bike.

Axel was coming as soon as his sheriff picked him up. Bailey said he’d ride over with them too. So it was just us for now. And I couldn’t help noticing that Holden was vibrating with tension.

“Are you okay?” I asked as Holden pulled out a chair and waved me into it.

“Fine.” He moved away before I could say anything more, grabbing the table a few feet away and moving it to join this one so we’d have enough seats for our large group.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “You seem a little…”

“I’m fine,” he repeated, voice tight. “Let’s just have a good time. We’re here to celebrate.”

It felt a little premature to celebrate a job I hadn’t gotten yet. I’d left a message with Parker this afternoon telling him I’d like to apply, but I hadn’t heard anything back.

Even if I got the job, I wouldn’t make enough to move out anytime soon. Holden was okay with that, but what about Gray and Bailey? It was their house too. Of course, Gray had moved in his boyfriend, so maybe?—

But you’re not his boyfriend yet.

Yet. But I could be, couldn’t I? If Parker called, and I got the job. If I could impress the school administration enough to get a full-time teaching position again. If I didn’t fuck it up and ruin things with Holden…

But judging by his weird attitude tonight, maybe I already had.

Shouldn’t he be excited at the idea of touching? It had been his suggestion. This afternoon, I could tell he was a little nervous. That was okay. It was a big step. But now he looked so miserable, I wondered if we should call it off.

I wanted to get my hands on him, of course.Desperately. I’d never been in a position of wanting so intensely and being unable to touch.

But more than anything, I wanted Holden happy and comfortable too.

What if we couldn’t have both? I still cared about Holden. The hands-free sex was amazing. But would that be enough for the long term? Not just the fact I couldn’t have physical sex with him, but I couldn’t hug him, couldn’t kiss his cheek or lean against his side, or…

Hold his hand.

“We got drinks!” Emory announced, plunking a stack of glasses in the center of my table. Gray set down a pitcher of pale beer and another of soda.

“The special tonight is chicken-fried steak with skillet gravy,” he said. “I’m all about that. But here’s a menu.”

He slapped a laminated sheet in front of me that had a small selection of typical bar fare. While I scanned over the menu, Holden took a seat on the other side of the table, farther away than I’d have liked.

It was reasonable he’d want to ensure he had plenty of personal space. I tried not to take it personally, but it was hard. Tonight was supposed to bring us closer, not push us further apart.

Axel, Dalton, Bailey, and Flynn turned up as a big group, shifting the energy at the table with their easy grins. Dalton poured beer for everyone but Bailey, and Gray collected dinner orders to go put in at the bar. Ball Busters didn’t have any servers, apparently.

Bailey rubbed his hands together, looking gleeful. “Okay. Time for me to hit the pool tables.”

“Okay, but no hustling,” Holden said. “We’ve had enough problems with Leo.”

Axel sank lower in his chair, looking as if he were trying to hide from view. “No kidding. He gave me the stink eye when we came in. One more fight and he’ll probably ban me for life.”

“Aw, darlin’, you’re a good boy now,” Dalton teased. “I’m sure the sheriff’s boyfriend wouldneverdo anything to get kicked out of a bar.”

Axel smacked his arm. “Don’t forget who’s in charge, Sheriff.”

Dalton wound his hand in Axel’s long hair, tugged his head back, and kissed him soundly. “I never do. Behave, or I’ll have to arrest you.”

Emory snickered. “You sure told him, Axel.”

Axel flipped him the bird, his smile reminiscent of the cat that got the canary. Somehow, I didn’t think he was too bothered that Dalton had manhandled and threatened him. It had sounded more like a come-on than a true threat, anyway. Briefly, I pondered whether Dalton cuffed Axel when they got down and dirty.

“Aw, damn, there’s a group of frat boys over there that areripefor some hustling,” Bailey said. “Are you sure I can’t have some fun with them? Just think of the college funds I could raise.”