Page 54 of Control Freak

“This okay?” I asked. “I just…wanted to take care of you.”

“You’ve been taking very good care of me,” he said softly.

I met his gaze, and it was soft and full of an affection I didn’t know how to return, but I wanted to try. I swiped the cloth over his stomach, then down to his thigh. Part of me wanted to leave my cum to dry there. It was a weird, dirty impulse to have some part of me in contact with Shiloh.

I wiped it off and quickly took a step back.

“Thanks,” he said. “That was sweet of you.”

I cleared my throat. “Well, it seemed like the least I could do, given all you let me do to you.”

“You can have your way with me anytime,” Shiloh said with a wink.

“What if…”

“What if, what?” Shiloh asked, pushing up on his elbows.

The question felt too big to just blurt out. I shook my head. “Nothing. I should get in the shower.”

“Okay…”

I retreated to the bathroom and started the shower, turning the water as hot as it would go. I scrubbed down quickly. I was probably going to miss breakfast, and the guys would give me hell, but it was worth it.

Shiloh slept in my bed last night, and the world didn’t crash down on my head. He’d given me a sexual outlet I’d never had with anyone else. Could he help me even more? Could I let him?

When I got out of the shower, the room was steamy. I dried and wrapped the towel around my waist, knotting it in place, then wiped the mirror to clear it of fog.

The door opened, and I saw Shiloh’s reflection. He paused in the doorway, gaze roaming over my back. I tensed, hyperaware of the scars from severe whippings that broke my skin and made me bleed. I’d covered the cigarette burns on my arms with tattoos, but I couldn’t tolerate having my back touched. Not even for ink. I’d panicked every time I tried.

This was the first time Shiloh had gotten a good look. I should have been more careful to lock the door, but I’d been floating on a sex high.

I braced myself for sympathy or pity or well-meaning words of apology, even though it wasn’t Shiloh’s fault my parents were pieces of shit.

I got none of that. He lifted his gaze, meeting my eyes in the mirror.

“You’re one sexy man, Holden Cross,” Shiloh murmured appreciatively.

Relief swept through me. Shiloh saw my scars, but he still sawme.All too often, my trauma overshadowed who I was in people’s eyes. They saw a victim. They saw a survivor. I just wanted to be Holden Cross.

Shiloh continued his perusal, dropping his eyes to my ass, doing nothing to hide his attraction. There was a time a look like that would unnerve me. Make me want to run away before that person got too close and inevitably crossed a boundary. But Shiloh made me wish he could come closer.

Dr. Levy told me to talk to him, but it was easier said than done. What if I asked and he said no? Even scarier, what if he said yes?

My body heated just thinking of what we’d done together this morning. The look in his eyes was as close to a caress as I’d ever had. When I’d come, it’d been more powerful than any of our cam sessions.

When I jerked off alone, I was left hollow and aching for connection. Shiloh’s presence made all the difference. But it still wasn’t enough.

I wanted more of him. More closeness, more connection…

Touch.

“You’re sexier than I could ever hope to be,” I told him honestly. “You make me feel things…I didn’t think were even possible for me.”

His eyes locked with mine. “Same.”

“But I don’t know where this can go,” I said. “I’ve got so much baggage.”

“Is it the destination that really matters?” Shiloh said. “Or the journey?”