Control Freak

I’m the bossy brother …

Controlling the world around me is the only way I feel safe. Childhood abuse has left me scarred inside and out. But control makes me feel strong. Unfortunately, I can’t control everything I want–including my body’s panic response to touch. It’s hard to share affection with my brothers, much less anyone else. I’ve all but given up on a romantic relationship. My only intimacy is with a camboy who can give me what I need without triggering my trauma. Shiloh is beautiful, warm, and sensitive. We’re not just camboy and client; we’re friends. It’s not everything...

I’m the bossy brother …

Controlling the world around me is the only way I feel safe. Childhood abuse has left me scarred inside and out. But control makes me feel strong. Unfortunately, I can’t control everything I want–including my body’s panic response to touch. It’s hard to share affection with my brothers, much less anyone else. I’ve all but given up on a romantic relationship. My only intimacy is with a camboy who can give me what I need without triggering my trauma. Shiloh is beautiful, warm, and sensitive. We’re not just camboy and client; we’re friends. It’s not everything I crave, but it’s more than I’ve ever had. Then I find out he’s in trouble—and I can’t stand by and watch him get hurt. I bring him home, pushing my boundaries to protect him. But once he’s in my safe space, so close and inviting, my temptation wars with preservation. Can I overcome my touch-aversion for a chance at real love—or will I just hurt us both?