Page 1 of Control Freak

CHAPTER 1

Holden

I slipped into my bedroom,gut bubbling with excitement—and maybe a little indigestion from rushing through dinner.

I’d been eager to finish eating. Eager to get to what was next.

My gaze slid to my silver Chromebook, and my blood rushed south. I was practically Pavlov’s dog at this point. That way led to pleasure, and my dick knew it.

I took a breath and locked the bedroom door behind me. I wouldn’t forget ever again. Not after my asshole brother Axel had busted in on me without knocking three months ago.

Last week, when I’d excused myself to makebusiness callsafter dinner, he’d smirked and said, “Business must begooood.” I’d told him it would be better if he got the junkyard inventory log updated. He’d huffed and flipped me off, muttering about how I was bossy, but at least he’d kept his mouth shut about mybusiness callsafter that.

I woke up my sleeping laptop and hit the tab for the ShyGuy cam site. He had a show in a couple of hours, but he did his best to accommodate private sessions with me. Obviously, because Ipaid more money for those. I was just another customer to him. But the performer—his real name was Shiloh, he’d told me—understood why I needed this. I wasn’t just getting my rocks off for fun, like most of his fans. This was my only option.

He messaged me before I had to ask.

Ready when you are.

I hit the request for the cam session, and Shiloh accepted it. His image filled my screen. His dark hair swooped over his forehead, red highlights shimmering under his camera lighting. Long, dark lashes framed stunning green eyes, and his cheekbones belonged in a fashion magazine. His strong jaw, covered in a light layer of stubble, was too masculine for me to think of him aspretty, but gorgeous, sexy, and just about every other damn adjective applied.

“Hey, Holden, are you with me?” he asked, his voice a husky baritone that made goose bumps rush across my skin. It was warm, raspy, but not too deep.

“I’m here,” I said, because my camera was turned off. When we did these sessions, Shiloh was the one in the spotlight.

“Good. I’ve missed you.”

He raised a hand covered in rings, including a large cherry-red Ring Pop. He wrapped his lips around the candy.

I sucked in a breath, body reacting instantly to the thought of that mouth sucking something else. It was just a gimmick of his, but damn if it didn’t work on me every time.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it last week.”

Shiloh pulled the ring from his mouth with a lewd pop. Swiped his tongue over his lips, chasing the candy’s juice. “I didn’t say I missed you so that you would apologize. You have a life. But I like talking to you.” He winked. “Andnottalking to you.”

I chuckled. “I hope you don’t mind that I sometimes…”

I trailed off, unsure how to phrase my need for a connection that went beyond jerking off to a sexy guy on-screen. This might not be a real relationship for Shiloh, but it was the closest I could get. My body was a traitor that wouldn’t allow me to accept touch, even when I craved it more than anything. A gift from my shitty parents that I never wanted, and one that just kept giving.

“Whatever I can give you, I’m happy to do it,” Shiloh said, dropping the sensuous act. “You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Not only because you pay me,” Shiloh said. “We’re friends now.”

My throat tightened. “Yeah.”

I cared about Shiloh as a friend. As more than a friend, even. We did chat via DM off the clock quite a bit. He wasn’t only saying this because I paid him. But Ididpay him for this—the sexual stuff—and as much as I needed it, it hurt my pride.

Made me feel a little guilty too, for spending my money this way. I could be adding it to the college fund for Bailey. Ishouldbe.

But my brothers spent their money on beer, on tattoos, on nights out with their friends. I deserved something too, right?

“So, I don’t know about you,” Shiloh said, “but I’ve been so horny all day.”

I laughed.

“What? Not my smoothest transition?”