Page 40 of Control Freak

“How is it different?” I asked, trying to ignore the flutters in my stomach. The hope that he would feel even a fraction of what I felt. It couldn’t go anywhere, anyway. We still couldn’t touch.

“I want you,” Shiloh said simply. “You’re not some faceless client. You’re Holden.”

My chest tightened. “You know I can’t…”

He nodded. “I know. But we could do this again, right? If it was good for you too? Itlookedlike you were enjoying it.”

I hesitated, not wanting to disappoint him, and a little embarrassed to admit the truth.

“You can say no,” Shiloh said quickly. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“I don’t really like watching you do cam shows for other people,” I said. “I haven’t been to one in a while because I can’t help but feel…”

“What?” Shiloh prompted gently.

“Jealous,” I admitted, a flash of embarrassment making me look away. “I know I don’t have any right, and it’s your job, and I’m just a client?—”

“I think we established already that you’re more than a client to me,” Shiloh said softly. “It’s okay to feel how you feel.”

I blew out a breath. “Thanks for understanding.”

“But I didn’t really mean a cam show when I asked if you’d want to do this again. I just meant us…doing this together. Like we did before on-screen.”

“Oh.” I swallowed hard. “Well, that…would be amazing. If— Only if you really want. I don’t want to take advantage.”

“Oh honey, if anyone is taking advantage, it’s me. Free room and board, and now sexual favors too. You’re spoiling me.”

I chuckled. “Hardly. I’m not easy to be around. I know that.”

Shiloh’s eyes softened. “You’re incredibly easy to be around. That’s why it’s so hard for people to remember your boundaries. But I will. I promise. We don’t have to touch.”

“I wish we could,” I said. “I’m working on it in therapy, but it’s hard.”

He nodded, looking serious. “I hope therapy works for you. You deserve that. But I don’t expect anything. You’re alreadygiving me so much, and if you don’t want to do this again, then?—”

“No, I do,” I said, cutting him off. “Fuck, Ireallydo.”

He laughed. “Okay, good. Me too.” His gaze drifted to my lips, making them tingle with the desire for a kiss, even if I knew it’d be catastrophic to try. His eyes lowered, tracing down the line of my throat and lingering on the sliver of chest still exposed by my open shirt.

He licked his lips. “You’re so gorgeous, Holden. I can’t believe you kept yourself hidden from me during all those private sessions.” His eyes met mine, a spark of mischief in them. “You’re going to have to make up for lost time.”

My stomach tightened, but with anticipation rather than nerves. I’d looked forward to our cam sessions, but this was different. Morerealsomehow, even when we weren’t touching.

I could smell him, feel the warmth of his breath between us.

I’d barely had a taste of real physical intimacy, and I already craved so much more. Shiloh might be happy to accept whatever I could give him, but Iwasn’tsatisfied. Not by a long shot.

CHAPTER 10

Shiloh

Holden kept lookingat me as if he’d seen me for the first time. Sidelong glances. Peeks from the corner of his eye. One long, direct stare that made my stomach dance like it hadn’t since I was nursing my first crush at thirteen.

“Do I have something on my face?” I finally teased, needing to break the tension building between us.

Holden dropped his gaze to the ham-and-swiss sandwich he was assembling. He was adding mustard and pickles to this one—not a winning combination in my humble opinion, but apparently, Bailey liked it—while I spread mayo over the remaining slices of bread for Holden, Gray, and me.

“I just like your face,” he murmured. “Here with me.”