Page 15 of Consummation (The Josh & Kat Trilogy #3)

We stare at each other for a long, angry beat.

Yet again, she’s obviously waiting for me to say something very specific.

But she can wait for-fucking-ever as far as I’m concerned.

She’s crossed a fucking line and I’m fucking done.

I ask her to marry me and she calls me a fuckwad?

Fuck this shit. She’s right. This is a horrible idea.

We’re obviously fundamentally incompatible.

God help me if I were to marry this batshit crazy woman and be stuck with her for eternity—I’d quite literally go insane.

“Well,” Kat says primly, filling the excruciating silence. “I just wanted to come out here and tell you about Colby. I didn’t intend to tell you about the pregnancy. Sorry. It just slipped out.”

I suppress an eye-roll.

Kat narrows her eyes, shooting daggers at me. “Let’s just take some time and regroup,” she says stiffly. “ Starting right now .”

I exhale with exasperation. “Have you told your family yet?”

“No. They’ve got enough to worry about with Colby. Probably won’t tell them for a few months—for however long I’m not showing.”

“Have you told Sarah?”

“No. She had her finals last week and now she’s in Greece, getting engaged to the man of her dreams—a guy who actually wants to marry her more than he wants to breathe, by the way.” She glares at me like I just flicked her in the forehead.

“Kat, let’s play the honesty-game here for one cotton-pickin’ minute, okay?” I grit out .

“Yes, please, good sir. I thought that’s what we were doing already, but I guess that was just me.”

God, she’s annoying. “Let’s talk about the pink elephant in the room, shall we?” I say.

“I have no idea what the pink elephant in the room is, Josh. I’m pregnant and you’re a dick. Those are pretty much the only pink elephants I see, and I just talked about both of them.”

I make a noise of frustration.

“But, please, good sir, enlighten me about the pink elephant you see in the room,” she continues.

“Would you stop with the ‘good sir’ crap? I don’t even understand the reference.”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

I close my eyes for a moment, once again asking God for patience, and when I feel ready to speak without wringing Kat’s pretty little neck, I open my eyes.

“The pink elephant is this: my family is worth a shit-ton of money. You don’t need to know exactly how much, but trust me, it’s more than you think.

Now I don’t think for one nanosecond you were trying to intentionally trick or trap me—okay?

But you definitely fucked up here, let’s call a spade a spade, and now you’re definitely coming out on top in The Game of Life.

Under the circumstances, it’s not outlandish for me to point out that through an honest mistake you’ll wind up doing quite well for yourself for the rest of your fucking life. ”

Well, that did it. I just lit the fuse on a gigantic stick of dynamite. She pops up out of her chair and wiggles her body around like she’s suddenly possessed by a demon.

I recoil in my seat, genuinely scared of her flailing movement. “Jesus, Kat,” I say. “Are you gonna barf on me or dive to the ground and start speaking in tongues?”

Kat abruptly leans into my face. “Go back to L.A. before I do grave bodily harm to you, Josh,” she seethes.

“Kat, you’re misunderstanding me. What I’m saying to you is that—”

“I know exactly what you’re saying to me.

And here’s what I’m saying to you in reply: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you arrogant little rich-boy-prick.

My answer to your romantic proposal of marriage is ‘no thank you.’ And not only that, in the interest of the honesty-game, I should also tell you that I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last goddamned man on earth.

” With that, she turns on her heel and marches away, just like she did after Reed’s party—just like she always does.

I follow her, rolling my eyes. Obviously, what I’ve said came out wrong.

Horribly wrong. I just meant that she’s pregnant and the best outcome for her would be marriage to the father of her child, especially when he can support her and the baby in ways she’s never even dreamed of.

She was out of her head about getting a million bucks for taking down The Club?

Well, how’s she gonna feel about snagging a husband who could buy her a million-dollar diamond necklace on a fucking whim?

“Kat, wait ,” I say.

But Kat keeps stomping away.

I follow her as far as I’m allowed to go, but there’s only so far a guy can chase a girl in this particular hospital when he’s not a part of her fucking family .

Kat bursts through the swinging doors leading into the Hallowed Land of Family Members, leaving me decidedly behind in her pissy, dramatic, tempestuous wake.

“Fine!” I yell toward the doors. “Have yet another tantrum, Kat. See if I care.”

“Fine! I will!” she shouts, continuing to stomp away.

Goddamn her. Who does Kat think she is, turning me down?

Who’s she planning to marry, if not me? Cameron Fucking Schulz?

Well, I hope she really likes Shirley Temples and watching motherfucking baseball .

I hope when her initials are KUS, she’ll appreciate the irony of her name being synonymous with “curse word.”

I turn around in a huff and take two angry steps away from her and then abruptly stop dead in my tracks.

Oh shit.

Kat could marry Cameron Schulz—or any other guy in the entire fucking world.

Kat could literally have any guy she wants—it’s the God’s truth.

All she has to do is crook her index finger at any man, rich or poor, young or old, professional athlete or accountant, and he’d come running, engagement ring in hand— and she knows it.

Oh my God. Kat’s gonna give birth to my child and then marry someone else !

“Kat!” I shout, loping back toward the double doors. “ Wait !”

Kat stops dead in her tracks. She turns around slowly and stares at me with burning eyes.

“Come back,” I say. “Please. I have something I need to say to you.”

She bites the inside of her cheek for a moment, but then slowly saunters back toward the swinging doors, her eyes as sharp as knives. When she reaches the doors, she pokes her head out, raises her eyebrows and exhales, deigning to give me a moment of her time. “ Yes, Mr. Darcy ?”

I exhale. I have no idea why she keeps calling me that. “Just think about what you’re doing,” I say. “You’re being a suicide-bomber . ”

Kat squints at me. “ That’s what you called me back here to say?”

I shift my weight. “No. That just slipped out. I called you back to ask you to please marry me.” I pause. “It’s the right thing to do all around. For everyone. And it’s... what ... I... want.”

“ It’s the right thing to do ?” she says slowly. “All around?”

I nod, but I can already tell this isn’t going my way.

Kat crosses her arms over her chest, keeping the double-doors open with her shoulder. “ No thank you ,” she says, cold as a fucking sniper.

“Think of the baby,” I say earnestly. “Let’s not be selfish, either of us. Let’s do the right thing. Now’s not the time to be a terrorist, Kat.”

Without warning, Kat pushes completely through the swinging doors toward me—to the “non-family members” side, as it were—and glowers over me with such ferocity, I leap back, surprised.

“I guess you didn’t pay very close attention in Las Vegas when I taught Henn how to bag a babe.

” She leans into my face, her eyes on fire. “Remember what I told him?”

I shake my head.

“Then I’ll refresh your memory. ‘Every time you’re about to say something to a woman, ask yourself: is this more or less likely to get me a blowjob? If the answer is yes, then say it. If the answer is no, then shut the fuck up !’”

“What are you talking about? I just asked you to marry me, and you’re acting like I spit on you.”

“Because you did, ” she says, her eyes flooding with tears.

I throw up my hands, at a total loss .

“Oh for crying out loud,” she says. “Let me spell it out for you, plain and simple.” She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath, gearing up.

“Whoever I wind up marrying one day—whether I’m the mother of his accidental spawn or not— ” She gives that last phrase “or not” exaggerated emphasis.

“It’ll be for no other reason than he desperately wants me and only me to be his wife, forever and ever, as long as we both shall live.

” She glares at me for a beat, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“It’ll be because he couldn’t stand the thought of living his life without me in it—couldn’t stand the thought of me being with any other man—because he loves me more than the air he breathes—more than life itself.

” She wipes her eyes again. “And it sure as hell won’t be because he felt some begrudging sense of obligation toward the unwitting incubator of his accidental spawn.

” Without letting me respond, she literally harrumphs at me, turns on her heel, and marches down the hallway, her arms swinging wildly with sudden fury.

I watch Kat striding away through the panes of glass in the doors, feeling like I’ve just been kicked in the balls with a steel boot. When she’s gone, I swallow hard and shake my head, the full enormity of the situation descending upon me.

I’ve got quite the track record with the ladies, don’t I?

I told Emma I loved her and she said, “Me, too” and promptly ran off with Ascot Man on a polo pony.

And now, a year later, I’ve asked the mother of my impending child to pretty-please marry me, and Kat basically flipped me the bird and told me she wouldn’t marry me if I were the last man on earth.

Talk about winning in The Game of Life. Yahtzee .

I swallow hard again. Fuck this shit. I’m done begging a woman to love me, even if that woman’s a unicorn and the most incredible woman I’ve ever been with.

And most of all I’m done handing Katherine Ulla Fucking Morgan my motherfucking dick and balls in a motherfucking Ziploc baggie and letting her throw them into a fucking meat grinder at her bitchy little whim.

Clearly, she’s always gotten everything she’s ever wanted from every other motherfucking man she’s ever run across, but not anymore. I’m done.

I wipe my eyes on my sleeve, leaving a surprising streak of wetness on the fabric. And then I flip off the swinging doors with both hands, turn the fuck around, and march out of the hospital without looking the fuck back.