Page 10 of Consummation (The Josh & Kat Trilogy #3)

Eight

Josh

“I’m here to see my brother Colby Morgan,” Kat says to the woman sitting behind the desk in the hospital lobby.

Poor Kat. When she called her mom and found out what had happened to Colby, I had to physically hold her up so she wouldn’t crumple onto the cement floor of the locker room.

“Oh, the firefighter,” the woman at the desk says, clicking on her computer keyboard. She looks at Kat sympathetically. “I saw what your brother did on the news. He’s a real hero. We’re all praying for him and that little baby he saved.”

Kat lets out a little yelp.

“He’s in the burn unit, room 402. Do you know where that is?”

Kat shakes her head and a pained sound escapes her throat.

“Just go down this hall and take the elevators to the fourth floor,” the nurse continues. “When you get off the elevator, check in at the nurses’ station there and someone will show you to his room. It’s a restricted area.”

Kat nods, apparently unable to speak.

“Thank you,” I say, answering for Kat. I put my arm around her shoulders and usher her toward the elevators. “Come on, babe.”

Kat nuzzles her nose into my shoulder as I lead her limp body down the hallway—and by the time Kat and I reach the fourth floor, I’m just about carrying Kat’s full body weight in my arms.

“We’re here to see Colby Morgan,” I say to the nurse at the fourth-floor desk, my arm around Kat’s shoulders.

“Are you family?” the nurse asks.

“Yes, this is Colby’s sister,” I say.

“And you?” the nurse asks me. “Are you family, too—are you her husband? ”

For some reason, I feel like this nurse just punched me in the balls. “No,” I say, my throat tight.

“He’s my boyfriend, ” Kat chokes out.

I nod and pull her closer to me. That was the first time Kat’s called me her boyfriend—but it’s hardly the time or place for me to feel excitement about that milestone.

“I’m sorry,” the nurse says. “Only immediate family is allowed in the room for now. There’ve been a lot of people wanting to see your brother—reporters, other firefighters, well wishers—even the Mayor came by. We’re gonna have to stick to the rules, at least until we get clearance from the doctor.”

Kat looks stricken. “But,” she begins, “Josh is my boyfriend .” She grips my arm.

The nurse shakes her head. “I’m sorry. Your boyfriend will have to wait out here until I get clearance for non-family members. There are a lot of people already in the room—you’ve got a big family.”

When the nurse uses the word “family,” Kat looks toward the hallway with undisguised longing.

“Go ahead,” I say, squeezing Kat’s shoulders. “Go be with your family, babe. I’ll wait out here.”

Kat looks like a deer in headlights.

“Go on,” I say, stroking Kat’s golden hair.

“I’ll be right here.” The truth is I don’t want to leave Kat’s side—I want to go with her and hold her through whatever awaits her in that room.

But, obviously, my only job in this horrible situation is to make this as easy on Kat as possible. “Go on,” I say softly.

Kat hugs me and I breathe her in for a moment.

“I’ll be right here if you need me,” I whisper.

Kat nods and the nurse wordlessly guides her down the hallway through swinging doors marked “Authorized Personnel Only.” I watch her through glass panes in the doors as long as possible, until, finally, she and the nurse turn a corner and disappear.

With a deep sigh, I wander down the hall and take a seat in the waiting room.

Shit. I feel like I’ve let Kat down somehow.

When the nurse asked if I was family—if I’m her husband—should I have lied and said yes?

I really don’t think I was imagining the pained look in Kat’s eyes when I said no.

Why the fuck do I feel like I’ve somehow fucked up ?

An older gentleman with a young woman and toddler are seated across from me in the waiting room. The trio’s got the exact same features—same eyes, noses, dark hair. They’re like generational Russian nesting dolls—even a casual onlooker would know instantly the three of them are family.

Family.

The nurse asked me if I’m Kat’s family and I said no.

I put my head in my hands.

I’ve got the distinct feeling I’ve fucked up somehow , but I’m not sure how.

Are you her family? Are you her husband?

I really don’t think I was imagining the look of utter disappointment on Kat’s face at that moment.

A tidal wave of loneliness rises up inside me—an all-too familiar emotion for me. My eyes water but I swallow hard and stuff it down like I always do. Fuck. This isn’t about me. This is about Colby and Kat and her family.

What I need to do is make myself useful, however I can.

I bow my head, close my eyes, and clasp my hands.

Dear Heavenly Father...

I take a deep breath.

Dear Heavenly Father...

I lift my head and open my eyes.

Fuck me.

The only prayer that’s coming into my mind is so full of motherfucking expletives, I can’t imagine it would help Colby at all.