Page 54

? ? ?

After leaving campus, I met up with Zion for our scooter plans, but we only rode them to the wing place Zion wanted to try.

Then we dug into a shared platter of wings and fries.

We got Asian zing, chicken parmesan, and lemon pepper flavored wings with Cajun fries.

We also used a decent amount of ranch, ensuring our wings were smothered in it.

Zion got a to-go box of wings for Sarai, putting in the order once we were done, so they would be warm for her.

After we got back to their apartment, I packed my duffle bag, deciding to head back to my place to get ready.

I also wanted Zion and Sarai as far away from my plans for tonight, which pertained to a certain frat party.

Apparently, it's the hot spot tonight.

I couldn't imagine Monroe somewhere like a frat party.

I giggle at the idea of her walking through the sweaty crowd, entirely icked out by the lack of space.

She's too... particular to actually show up.

I assume she'll have someone fetch me like I'm some bone meant to be brought back to her.

Or she'll show up herself, which a part of me hoped for.

I purposely did a blowout on my curls, ensuring they were in smooth, soft waves instead.

Monroe liked my curly hair, so I made a point not to wear it like that.

But of course, my blowout didn't come out as I hoped, so I slicked my wavy hair into a low bun instead.

The new hairstyle emphasized my face, covered in a dewy makeup look.

I went for a more flushed natural look, using cream-based products, like blush, contour, and highlight.

I didn't put on any foundation, just concealer and some mascara.

It was a very cute look, honestly.

I decided I might do this makeup look more often.

Next, I ventured into my closet, which I prepared to rip apart for the perfect outfit.

I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but it needs to be good.

I picked out a variety of different options but settled on a one-shoulder black dress.

It was tiny, clinging to my upper thighs and emphasizing my frame.

I couldn't bend over without flashing the cheetah print underwear I wore underneath.

Perfect.

I didn't wear my usual kitten heels as this is a frat party.

Instead, I slipped on a pair of black Adidas Sambas, putting on jewelry and rolling on my fragrance oils.

I picked out a cheetah print purse to add to the simple black dress I wore, ordering my Uber as I walked out of my bedroom.

The nearest one was a few minutes away, so I had time to take cute selfies and TikToks—all of which I posted, knowing she's definitely watching from somewhere.

Making TikToks reminded me of Kaia and our usual pre-game activities, but I pushed the nostalgia away.

Once I got the alert that my Uber arrived, I rushed out of my apartment to the elevator, taking it down to the lobby instead of the parking garage.

The cold air nipped at my exposed legs and arms, but a jacket is not something you want to wear to a frat party and expect to still have it by the end of the night.

It's not like a bar or a club.

The coat check doesn't have someone watching it to ensure everyone gets their correct coat back.

You'll also be sweating five steps inside, so it's best to wear minimal clothing.

Frat parties honestly haven't been my scene. I discovered a decent fake ID hookup.

Ever since I went to bars and clubs, until I recently turned twenty-one.

But Monroe ruined that, so this is my second-best choice.

I won't lie, it was a little thrilling pulling up to the familiar frat house spilling with different students.

There was no bouncer at the door, so I was entirely welcome inside.

It made me feel really comfortable.

The first thing I did upon making it inside was survey each room, trying to decide who I would flirt with.

I already planned to be upfront and say I'm not interested in anything more than something casual.

I also might admit that I'm getting over a... situationship?

Is that what I would call it?

Either way, I didn't want to leave anyone in the dark again after what happened with Octavia.

I just felt bad after she tried to text with me, but I only answered once and ghosted.

I should've been more upfront, so I'm learning from my mistakes.

I quickly glanced around the packed second level, knowing I had a solid thirty minutes to find someone before Monroe sends someone here or comes herself.

Probably less than thirty minutes, knowing her.

My eyes zoned in on one woman in particular.

She had strawberry blonde hair, wore a sleeveless blazer with a short skirt, and tattoos roaming her bare arms.

I glanced down at her hands wrapped around the red solo cup, eyeing her short nails coated in clear polish.

That's a decent sign.

Hopefully, she's into women.

"Hey," I spoke as I approached her by the open window where she stood.

The second level was packed, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the first level or even the backyard.

I don't know how they aren't freezing their asses off, but I guess it's the alcohol and the humid house combined.

"Hey," she smiled, glancing away from the window.

I awkwardly extended my hand, "Liberty," I introduced myself, unsure of what else to say.

Weeks ago, this would've been easy for me, but right now, I feel off my game.

It's been a little too long since I hit on someone.

"Bryn," she said, reaching up to gently shake my hand.

I smiled, "Nice to meet you," I said as our hands lingered in the handshake.

I raised a brow, glancing down at our hands.

"You're really pretty," Bryn suddenly said as our hands fell away, eyeing my short French tip

nails.

"Thank you, beautiful," I said, pursing my lips when my smile grew.

I'm trying to feel the vibe out, but I'm almost certain she's into women.

"You're welcome," Bryn said, tilting her head ever so slightly, "I hope you know I'm flirting with you."

I laughed softly, "And I hope you know I'm flirting with you," I twisted her words back, making her lips lift into a wider smile.

"I couldn't tell if we were on the same page," she admitted, lifting the can of Truly in her hand for a sip. "Did you want a drink or anything?"

I unconsciously shook my head, "Uh, no, I don't really drink," I said, even if I knew I should.

It would probably make Monroe even more mad, but I was done fucking up my progress.

Drinking could be okay, but not when it's like this.

I shouldn't drink when I hit rock bottom, or to prove some kind of point.

I... need to be done with that.

"That's really cool," Bryn said, admiration clear in her tone, "I don't meet a lot of people who stay sober at these parties."

I lazily raised my brows, "I don't think I ever have either," I admitted, briefly glancing around at everyone engrossed in their own thing.

Whether it was dancing in the packed crowd, smoking over in the corner, or standing off to the side and conversing like us.

"Can I be honest?" I suddenly asked, glancing back over to Bryn.

She immediately nodded, appearing curious about my words.

"I just got out of... something, so I'm not looking for anything serious," I hesitantly said, wanting to put the full truth out there, "I just don't want to mislead anyone, and I know you might not want somethi—"

"It's all good," Bryn cut me short with an amused smile, "Seriously, most of us are here for the casual thing."

I blinked a few times. "So you're cool with that?" I clarified, eyeing her face dotted with freckles.

"Totally cool," she didn't hesitate to say.

I smacked my lips together, "And I should also mention um..." I trailed off, tilting my head slightly, "My past situation—she's a little insane."

A little would be putting it lightly, but I can't go into full detail here.

Like oh yeah, she might have you "disappeared" for even talking to me.

"Aren't all of our exes crazy?" Bryn joked, shaking her head to herself.

I lazily raised my brows at her question.

Crazy is different than insane.

The word insane probably doesn't even scratch the surface with Monroe, especially after the flicker of her breakdown today.

I feel like if she had a true breakdown, I wouldn't know what to do.

"We should dance or something," Bryn suggested as I unconsciously glanced around.

I don't know why I'm waiting for Monroe to show up.

"Yeah, sure," I smiled, nodding over to the center of the room.

Bryn grabbed my hand, her body brushing past mine as she pulled me toward the dance floor.

This was my moment to shine, even if I was unsure if Monroe had eyes on me at this point.

I started grinding against Bryn, her hands instinctively finding my waist as we moved with the pounding beat of the music.

I knew I wasn't going to fuck her.

I could pretend, maybe even convince myself for a few minutes.

But deep down, I knew I couldn't go through with it.

I don't think anyone will be able to touch me like Monroe has, and maybe that should bother me more.

But it's thrilling too, finding someone who can give you such an out-of-body experience.

I turned around to face Bryn, running my arms around her torso as we continued moving our hips to the music.

I noticed her skirt starting to ride up, so I tugged it back down without making a big deal, smoothing my hand down her side.

Bryn pulled me closer, slipping her thigh between mine as her body started moving a little slower, more sensual against me.

She was actively grinding against my leg to the beat, but my motions slowly halted, wondering if this was too far.

Is it too far?

It kind of feels like it.

Before I could decide, I felt a firm tug at my bicep, making me stumble back and break the rhythm between Bryn and me.

I didn't have to turn my head to look.

I could already smell her familiar scent around me, the firmness of her hand on my waist.

Bryn's dark eyes were wide, entirely taken aback by Monroe's presence.

Even I was a little startled—and I was aware that she might show up.

"I thought you were an ex!" Bryn quickly yelled over the music, her eyes locked with a certain blue pair behind me.

I don't even want to turn around and see the look on Monroe's face right now.

Maybe the grinding was too far.

I furrowed my brows when Monroe stepped past me, her hand falling from my waist as she leaned into Bryn's ear.

That's when I got a good look at her appearance.

Her silky brown hair was pulled into a neat low bun, not a strand out of place.

And jeans.

She was wearing fucking jeans.

Ugh, she looks so good.

My eyes trailed the loose jeans, admiring how they clung to her small waist.

Or the black quarter zip she wore with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows.

I never realized a casual outfit could look so good on someone, but I swear Monroe looked like she belonged on the cover of something that I would buy two copies of.

Casual on her is probably the most attractive thing I've ever witnessed on a woman, but anything on Monroe has that effect.

"Ro," I blurted out, catching the panicked look taking over Bryn's face.

What the fuck is Monroe saying to her?

"Monroe," I spoke again, reaching for her arm.

Monroe swiftly grabbed my wrist before I could touch her arm, halting my motions as she leaned away from Bryn's ear.

I drew in a deep breath, feeling her fingers curl around my wrist before fully letting me go.

It was unspoken, but I knew she had just given me a warning.

And now Bryn was apologizing profusely, looking like she was about to piss herself, yet Monroe still hadn't moved and inch.

Fuck.

I reached my hand out again, attempting to pull Monroe away a second time.

This time, I gently grabbed her waist, hoping to snap her out of whatever blackout moment she's having.

Bryn's rambling, and Monroe is just standing there calmly—she hasn't moved an inch, and I can't see her face.

"Come on," I leaned up to Monroe's ear to say, sliding my hand under her quarter zip to feel her soft skin under my fingertips.

Monroe didn't move, making me draw in a deep breath.

Then—

Her tense shoulders visibly sunk, turning her head slightly to meet my stare out of her peripheral.

Relief passed through me faster than I could hide it.

"Have a good night, Bryn," I called out over the music with a forced smile, dismissing her before she had to endure more of this.

"Liberty, I swear to god," Monroe's smooth voice was lowered, almost lost under the bass-heavy song.

I blinked awkwardly as I held her darkened blue eyes, but Bryn got the memo and quickly shoved through the crowd away from us.

Monroe looked... irritated to say the least.

I didn't have time to formulate any words before she grabbed my waist, guiding me through the crowd without a word.

Her grip was firm, heavy on my waist.

I knew it reflected her current mood.

The loud music grew distant as she guided us past the hallways towards the nearest staircase.

I didn't say a word, already gathering my own thoughts.

If I'm not prepared, Monroe's going to win this.

I have approximately thirty seconds to get my thoughts together before she finds somewhere quiet for us to talk.

The more distant the music got, the tenser it grew between us.

We passed three locked doors on the third level before making it to an open bedroom.

The wood floors were messy with dirty clothes, and it smelled like Axe and cheap aftershave.

Disgusting.

"I'm done with this game."

I immediately glanced over to Monroe, meeting her darkened stare as she stood across from me in some random frat guy's room.

"I was always clear from the very beginning, Liberty. I said what I would and would not do," she spoke before I could form words. "I came with an extensive warning label, and you willingly signed those papers."

I scoffed, "Okay? I'm allowed to change my mind, Monroe," I pointed out.

"You are, Liberty. But that doesn't mean it's ethical to expect me to change with you," Monroe clarified, making me roll my eyes.

"Here you go—talking to me like a therapist again," I sarcastically said, shaking my head as I glanced away from her.

"There are only so many things I can control right now, Liberty. I apologize if my tone of voice isn't the top priority," Monroe said, her tone insincere as her eyes burned into mine, "I'm a little too occupied with thinking of you and, Bryn, was it? You seem to keep track of names now."

I blinked a few times, unaccustomed to the clear jealousy in her tone.

It made warmth burn all around me, but I tried to push it away and focus.

"You're the one who wouldn't compromise with me. I told you my plans for tonight," I said with a small shrug.

"You're being childish, Liberty," Monroe said, motioning with her hands to emphasize her point, "You're only seeing your point of view right now, no one else's. Not even mine."

I felt my face burn in frustration, "I do see your point of view. You just don't want to try this."

"You aren't hearing me. You don't understand how dangerous it is escalating this," Monroe determined.

"Because you're still my therapist, Monroe? Really?" I deadpanned, giving her a blank look.

"No," she bluntly shut my assumption down, taking a step closer to me, "Because if this had been escalated further. The woman you were dancing with would've found out she's coincidentally allergic to whatever she was drinking tonight," she said, sending rough shivers down my spine, "She would've been foaming at the mouth, unable to draw another breath, and that, Liberty, is why this is dangerous."

I blinked a few times, trying not to feel unsettled by her words.

Or... warm by them?

I know it's fucked up, but my brain couldn't keep up with how I felt.

Am I scared or turned on by how far she's willing to go for me?

She looks serious right now, the look in her eyes making me draw in a sharp breath.

"I somehow give in to you every time, Liberty," Monroe sighed through the brief silence, turning away from me, "But not this time. I'm not escalating this with you."

I shrugged, "I'm not compromising," I mumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know," Monroe calmly said, shaking her head as she continued facing away from me, "I've given you too much control. I've been chasing you, and it needs to stop. This needs to stop. I feel like I've gone manic, Liberty."

I furrowed my brows, trying to process what she meant.

But the idea alone made my stomach sink, suddenly feeling nauseous.

She said she's not leaving me alone, so I'm jumping to assumptions.

There's nothing to worry—

"I'm cutting our arrangement."

"What?" I suddenly whispered, feeling my entire world crumble around me, "Wait, no-no, you said you wouldn't leave me alone."

"I've given you too much power, Liberty," she sighed, turning around to face me again, "Now it's as if reality is slipping from me. Nothing feels tangible anymore."

I rapidly shook my head as I eyed her perfect face, "Okay-okay, then we'll fix that. I can give you control—I'll compromise," I weakly whispered, finally waving my white flag.

I took this too far.

Maybe I should've just gone on the dates with her and been happy with that.

We could've had years together.

I shouldn't have tested her control, the one thing she clings to like a safety blanket, and I realize that as I stare into her eyes now.

I finally see her point of view, and now I feel bad for being so forceful.

Tears burned in my eyes when Monroe shook her head, "No, Liberty, we won't," she said, her voice lowered between us, "It's far too late to compromise now."

My vision grew blurry, tears spilling onto my cheeks.

"You-you can't just chase me like that and suddenly decide you're done, Monroe," I forced out, quickly wiping my tears away, "You said you wouldn't leave me alone, so I fought harder. Please."

She reached up to gently cup my face in my head, making weak cries vibrate in my chest.

I fucked everything up.

"Liberty," she whispered, staring so deeply into my eyes, "I'm ending this. It's time we walk away."

I shook my head, drawing in a series of deep breaths as I broke down entirely, losing every sense of my composure.

"You-you lied—how could you lie to me?" I forced out, my cries growing even worse.

"I said those words before we had the full picture," she clarified, making more tears burn in my eyes, "I have to leave you alone, Liberty."

I felt my bottom lip tremble profusely, "Then-then," I forced out, pulling away from her touch, "I'll go sleep with someone—I'll do it right now, Monroe."

I knew it was stupid, but I just wanted her to care.

I wanted her to take everything back at the idea of me being with someone else.

Yet she only remained silent, her blue eyes sinking so deeply into mine.

Then she sighed, her shoulders relaxing.

"I have to let you go," she repeated, almost like a chant to herself.

Is this what she does?

She repeats this to herself until her subconscious finally accepts it?

"No, okay, wait, I don't mean that, Ro," I quickly whispered, reaching for her waist, "I'll-I'll do anything, okay? You can degrade me as much as you want," I said weakly, burying my face in her chest, "Please don't leave me, mommy."

Tears burned in my eyes when Monroe didn't lift her arms to hug me back.

She only stood there, allowing me to hug her for as long as I wanted.

I purposely didn't move for minutes on end, standing there, pressed against her as I cried desperately for her not to do this.

Eventually, she was forced to lean away first, her blue eyes meeting mine.

"Ro Ro," I whispered brokenly, reaching up to gently cup her face, "Don't do this."

Monroe was silent, her eyes openly trailing my face.

She was composed again as usual, staring down at me as if I weren't full-on crying.

It felt like there was a wall between us.

"Monroe, please," I forced out when she leaned down to me, softly kissing my cheek.

"It's gotten too deep between us, Liberty," she finally spoke, her beautiful blue eyes holding mine, "I'm ending this," she repeated the words again, making dread spiral inside of me.

I broke down all over again, unable to formulate proper words.

"But-but," was all I could get out, falling into full-blown panic, "I... get you?" I whispered, tilting my head as I stared up at her.

Monroe drew in a visibly deep breath, her resolve cracking ever so slightly, "You do, Liberty," she breathed out, "But that doesn't change what needs to happen here."

I shook my head almost three times in a row, "It-it does because," I sucked in a deep breath, reaching for my chest that ached, "No one will get you like me—please don't let anyone get you like me."

My words were weak and desperate, stumbling down to the disgusting floor, but I couldn't care less about the clothes and stickiness underneath me.

This felt like the truest form of rock bottom.

I just sat there, staring forward at her legs as I tried to gather my rapid breathing.

It felt heavy around me, like I was sinking to the bottom of this endless darkness.

"Liberty," her voice echoed around me as I focused on staying grounded to this disgusting floor.

I just needed to focus.

But god, all I feel is hopeless.

"Come here," she softly whispered, lowering to my height and reaching her arms out for me.

I immediately stumbled to my knees, tears blurring my vision as I buried myself in her arms.

"It... hurts," I tried my best to say, my voice weak as I drew in a deep, painful breath.

"We'll sit here until it doesn't, okay?" she softly whispered, her arms tightening around me.

I nodded a few times, "O-okay," I forced out, my voice trembling as I clung to her.

Silence fell around us as we remained in the hug.

It was such an awkward position, with Monroe lowered down and me on my knees between her legs, clinging to her.

Yet it was weirdly comforting, especially with Monroe's soft breaths in my ear, keeping me somewhat grounded to this moment.

She caressed her fingertips up and down my back, helping me calm down further.

Eventually, I relaxed entirely in her arms, letting out a deep sigh as I basked in the pain fading from my chest.

Finally.

That feels so good.

I remained in her arms for a moment, focusing on my calm breaths and the way my once-tight muscles were loosened.

It was hard, but I found the courage to lean away slightly from her, meeting her comforting blue eyes.

I let out a deep sigh when she cupped my face in her hands, her eyes trailing every inch of my features.

Then she leaned down to my chest—

And pressed a soft kiss where my heart calmly beat.

Her intimate actions made everything burn around me, especially when she rested her cheek against my chest, pulling me closer.

She hadn't said a word, yet her actions spoke volumes.

I wrapped my arms back around her as she kept her cheek pressed to my chest, presently holding her there against me.

I know she doesn't just care about me.

This is much deeper to her, and that's why she's ending this.

Maybe the amount of control I have over her scared her.

She said I have too much power.

"Let me take you home," Monroe suddenly said, not moving an inch against me, "Please," she added so softly, concern laced in her voice.

"Okay," I whispered, my voice barely audible between us.

The air felt calm again.

Like we had given all of this energy, and came crashing down together.

It felt like I accepted this for what it was, but I knew when I woke up tomorrow, it would hit me all over again.

But I decided to focus on what time I had left with her instead, standing from the floor as she adjusted my dress down for me.

It was silent between us as we stared at each other for a long moment.

I would've felt awkward with anyone else, but all I wanted to do was stare into her eyes.

Eventually, we exited the bedroom together, retreating down each level of stairs past numerous drunk students and the loud music.

The humid air faded once we made it outside, ignoring the different people on the porch or spread out among the yard with drinks in their hands.

Monroe was parked a little down the street, but I didn't mind the short walk, considering I was in sneakers.

She helped me slide into the passenger seat, leaning down to buckle me and then gently closing my door.

I relaxed against the soft seat, staring forward as she rounded the car toward the driver's side.

It was silent even as she slid in beside me, calmly starting the car and putting it in drive.

I stared forward, watching each street pass by us until it eventually faded into the empty freeway.

There was no music or tension.

Just pure calmness between us for the entirety of fifteen minutes.

I felt nothing by the time we made it to my apartment building, pulling into the parking garage.

I thought I would cry again or feel the familiar pain in my chest.

But there was nothing.

"I guess I'll see you around, doc," I whispered awkwardly, forcing a weak smile as I met her stare.

Monroe nodded, yet she didn't say a word.

She just stared at me, her eyes trailing my face before she glanced away entirely.

"Take care," was all she said, rolling her lips into a tight line as she stared ahead.

I eyed her perfect side profile, taking in every detail of her face one more time.

Then I reached for the door handle, reluctantly sliding out of the seat and standing to my feet.

"Can I have my key fob?" I suddenly asked her, realizing she still had that.

Monroe immediately opened her middle console, reaching inside to grab the familiar black key fob.

I carefully grabbed it from her extended hand, ensuring I didn't graze my fingers against hers.

If I touch her, I might just break down.

"Here," I whispered, opening the back of my phone case.

To grab the black Amex card.

"Keep it, Liberty," Monroe insisted as I slid the card from my phone.

I set the card in the passenger seat, despite her words, "For the next one," I forced out, keeping my weak smile prominent on my lips as I held her stare.

The edges of her jaw flexed ever so slightly, but she stiffly nodded, glancing away from me entirely.

I let out a deep sigh as I closed the door and turned away from her car, walking toward the familiar elevators.

As usual, her car didn't move an inch until I was safely on the elevator, watching as the shiny doors rolled closed.

Then I was all alone.

For good this time, watching as the elevator rose past the different floors to mine.

Tomorrow is going to be unbearable.