Page 35

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I didn't care about changing into a more casual outfit or reapplying more makeup.

That's how little I cared about tonight.

I just needed a distraction.

Luckily, Kaia already had the bottle of Patron and shot glasses waiting for me.

I took two shots immediately, grabbing one of the limes she cut up to soothe the burning.

Then I checked my phone, wondering if Monroe had texted.

But there was nothing.

She said nothing.

I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing.

Sarai sent a TikTok in our group chat, which I watched before endlessly scrolling as I waited for Kaia to finish getting ready.

Kaia's place was a loft-style apartment, with a bunch of random luxury art hanging on the different walls and random stuff on tables from thrifting.

It was a very open space with tall industrial ceilings and white brick walls—the old windows lining from the floor and up.

Her bedroom had a more luxurious feel, the king bed had the tallest velvety pink headboard, there was a matching furry area rug under the bed, and fairy lights hanging from the tall ceiling.

It always smelled like vanilla Glade air fresheners since she always kept them plugged in.

She never rotated them even during the fall when pumpkin spice is in.

"Libby," I heard her call, diverting my attention away from my phone.

I hummed lazily, already feeling the effects of the alcohol.

I think my tolerance had gone down a little.

"You need a shorter skirt," Kaia spoke again, her heels clicking closer to me, "Here, you left this here a few weeks ago."

"Thanks, babe," I singsonged as she handed it to me, sliding down from the velvet pink barstool.

I didn't care whatsoever, tugging my long skirt down in front of her and replacing it with the short denim skirt she gave me.

Kaia raised a brow, eyeing me as she threw her shot back, "Fill me in. What happened?" she asked, setting the glass down with a soft clink, "I know you said she staged a photo-op?"

I lazily raised my brows as I zipped the skirt and buttoned it, "Yeah and I basically told her she ruined her relationship with her only daughter, a lifeline to her husband," I briefly quoted myself, suddenly unbothered with the tequila in my system, "Then I told her I did nothing to be treated worse than her child and at the end of the day she's the one who will be all alone in the house he died in."

"Damn," Kaia whispered awkwardly, watching as I walked closer to pour us both shots of the Patron.

"That's not all," I mumbled, picking up my filled shot glass, "I also told her she's not a wife—and she's definitely not a mother."

"Double damn," Kaia said, gently clinking her shot glass with mine before we threw the burning liquid back.

I didn't reach for a lime this time, enduring the sting that it felt like I deserved.

"Then she said she would leave me alone and just left me there," I said, letting out a deep sigh as the burning slowly subsided.

Kaia furrowed her brows, "And that's it?" she asked in confusion.

I glanced down at the white granite counter, blinking a few times, "I think so," I whispered, unsure what came next, "I think I still need to keep a low profile and continue with therapy. I don't want to stir up anything else with her."

Kaia sighed, "I'm so sorry, Libby," she whispered, pulling me into a hug, "I wish it went better."

I nodded a few times, trying to fight my suddenly heavy emotions.

"Me too," I admitted, briefly hugging her back.

"Tonight we'll just let loose—it'll be like old times," Kaia assured me, making me nod a few times.

"Good," I whispered as we pulled back from the hug, "But I seriously want to keep a low profile from here on out."

Kaia immediately nodded, "Of course, we'll just go drink and dance," she didn't hesitate to say, grabbing her dab pen from one of the kitchen drawers.

I didn't hesitate to take it when she offered it to me, determining that I hadn't smoked in weeks.

I definitely needed it tonight.

I took two long hits, exhaling the smoke as Kaia grabbed it to do a couple of hits as well.

She ordered our Uber, which wasn't far away, especially since she paid extra to get the closest one.

We took one more shot together—then we exited her loft and took the stairs down to the first floor.

There were only three levels to this loft building so the stairs weren't that bad.

Especially since I was already feeling crossfaded.

Everything felt easier.

Even my thoughts were less chaotic—I could relax for once tonight.

The ride to the club was short, or maybe I just zoned out.

We had to go to a club near the university since a lot of other places wouldn't be packed on a Monday night.

I was excited to see a club line for once, standing in line with a smile.

It felt like everything had shifted back to how it was weeks ago.

Especially once we got inside—how the bass of music pumping through my loose body.

Or the different groups of people you had to squeeze past to get to the bar and order a drink.

It was so nice to be back.

Even if I started thinking about her after a couple of shots.

I miss Monroe.

I wanted to apologize—to be with her right now.

"Libby do you... want another?" Kaia asked as we stood at the bar, her words stuck together and drowned out by the heavy music.

I lazily shook my head, gripping the bar top to help steady myself.

Kaia ordered herself another shot—while I unconsciously grabbed my phone.

It was probably stupid, but I planned to text her—to let her know I missed her.

At least until I noticed her numerous texts on my lock screen from over ten minutes ago.

Her text made everything burn around me, unconsciously smiling to myself even if it felt like I shouldn't be.

All I could hear was her familiar soft voice echoing in my head.

I just want to be with her right now.

Fuck everything that happened earlier—I miss her so much.

So so much.

"Ki," I spoke, clearing my throat when I realized how inaudible my words were, "Ki!" I spoke louder over the music.

My best friend glanced over with her usual smile, setting her shot glass down.

"Yes, my amazing Libby?" she asked over the heavy music, wrapping her arm around my waist to pull me into a side hug.

Her actions made me stumble, giggling a few times.

"I'm leaving!" I tried my best to yell, making my best friend's smile instantly fade.

"What? Why?" she asked, leaning in closer to me.

"I'm tired... ready to call a night," I explained, my words slurred and almost not making sense, "Call it... a night? Yeah-yes, that," I corrected, stumbling as I leaned into her.

"You're leaving me?" Kaia frowned.

I smiled loosely, "Ki, you—made friends," I motioned my heavy head to the group of girls she was talking to, "And you leave me, you know. All the time," I pointed out, recalling so many instances when we parted ways.

Kaia's frown deepened, "But-but, we are having fun," she said, her words sticking together as she held me closer.

"And I am very very tired now," I murmured, fluttering my heavy eyes closed, "Libby wants to sleep."

I opened my eyes with a smile, lazily nudging her as she forced a smile.

"Okay-okay," she suddenly said over the music, "Text me when you make it."

I nodded almost five times in a row, unable to stop nodding as I followed the beat of the music.

It was nice.

I couldn't stop dancing suddenly, especially as Kaia joined in with me—laughing as we nodded our heads in sync.

Then I suddenly remembered the objective.

Monroe's text.

"Byeeeee," I suddenly said, holding up peace signs.

"Wait! Your ride," Kaia pointed out, grabbing my arm.

I shook my head five times in a row, "It's here already—Libby is good!" I assured her, my eyes heavy as I stumbled slightly, "Over and out!" I called out, walking past her when I realized the time crunch I should probably be on.

I don't know how long it's been.

I briefly glanced behind me, noticing Kaia walking over to the group of college girls—holding her phone in her hand now.

I turned back around, sliding past the groups of people as my phone buzzed with a text.

But not from Monroe.

Kaia instead.

I giggled at her texts, quickly texting her back a funny response as I stumbled past more people.

The cold air hit me abruptly, making me realize I was suddenly standing outside.

There was still a line of people, but a different bouncer instead.

"Oh hiiii," I spoke to the two girls at the front, flashing them a smile as they smiled back at me, "You are so bad!"

"Girl, you're bad," the one with curly hair said in response, while the girl with braids grabbed my arm to steady me slightly before I stumbled again.

"A girl's girl," I told her as I steadied better on my heels that suddenly hurt so fucking much, "The crowd is gonna love you in there by the way."

The one with curly hair smiled, "Do you have a ride, girl?" she asked me as the one with braids handed her ID to the bouncer.

"Yupppp, I have the best ride," I said, glancing past her when I noticed Monroe walking down the sidewalk toward me.

My vision was a little blurry but she seemed to be in her work clothes from earlier, wearing a white button-down and dress pants with shiny stilettos.

Her black trench coat was left open—her long hair flowing with the wind like she was out of a fucking movie.

"There she is—my very beautiful ride," I singsonged, causing the girl with curly hair to turn her head and look directly at Monroe.

The closer she got, the more I processed her neutral expression.

How displeased she was to be picking me up from a club right now.

I totally get it.

"This is Monroe," I said, throwing my arms around her as she halted abruptly in place beside me.

It was clear my actions caught her off guard.

"Tiana," the girl with curly hair said, introducing herself to us both.

"Let me get your number—girl we have to hang out," I said, focusing back on Tiana as I felt Monroe's arm slide around my waist to hold me closer.

"We're leaving," Monroe said as she slid her jacket off, making me frown dramatically at her words.

At least until she wrapped her long jacket around me, bathing me in warmth and her familiar scent.

Then I was happy again, walking with her as she guided us away from Tiana and her friend who waved at us.

"She was so nice right?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her waist as she kept hers around mine, "You're so nice. Thank you very much for picking me up tonight—and you're jacket. It's so warm."

"You're welcome," Monroe said, her tone neutral as she continued guiding us to walk forward.

"I'm so sorry about earlier—you know I'm so sorry right?" I asked, leaning in closer to her, "We should just move past this and be happy people."

Monroe hummed in response but didn't say anything to add to my statement.

She only reached for the keys in her pocket, unlocking her Bentley parked on the side of the street.

"I love your car so much," I said as she reached for the door handle, "Mostly because you fucked me—"

"Language, Liberty," Monroe didn't hesitate to correct me as she opened the passenger door.

I nodded instantly, "Right-right," I said, leaning in closer to her, "You touched me in your car—that's why I love it so much."

Monroe only focused on helping me slide into the car, allowing me to get comfortable in the passenger seat before she gently shut the door.

Then she rounded the car, sliding into the driver's seat as I tugged her jacket tighter around me.

"Hand me your seatbelt," she instructed, motioning her head past me.

I lazily patted for the seatbelt, tugging it forward for her.

Monroe took it from my grasp, buckling my seatbelt as I slid my heels off.

"Maybe we should just stay in here. I wouldn't mind sleeping in your car," I murmured, leaning the seat all the way back.

Monroe remained silent, starting the car and turning the heat on for me.

I watched her for a moment, eyeing her perfect side profile.

"Can I call you Ro like everyone else?" I randomly decided to ask, pursing my lips in thought, "Wait no, I don't want to be like everyone else."

Monroe pursed her lips as she put the car in drive, visibly amused by my words.

"Ro Ro," I said, a smile spreading on my lips, "Ugh, Ro Ro is so cute—I'm calling you that. Let me change your contact," I determined reaching for my phone.

"That's certainly different," Monroe murmured, shaking her head when her lips twitched up further.

I smiled wider as I edited her contact as best as I could "Ro Ro on the lo lo would be cute—you get it? Like we're on the DL," I tried to explain, typing her contact in as I settled on Ro Ro for now, "That's what we say for down low, beautiful," I made sure to clarify.

"I know darling," she said as I reached over for her arm, just wanting to touch her.

"Do you work out Ro Ro?" I asked curiously, squeezing her firm bicep.

"You're aware that I can carry you. Perhaps you should answer that question for yourself," she said, flicking on her signal as I gently squeezed her arm again.

"Oh, so that means you work out? I think that makes you more attractive," I admitted, leaning up from my reclined seat so I could play with her hair, "And you're already so pretty—girls would totally fight to the death for you."

Monroe briefly glanced over to me as she slowly halted at the stop sign, her eyes locking with mine, "Would you fight to the death for me, Liberty?" she asked, twisting my words back to me.

I smiled loosely at her, "Oh absolutely, Ro Ro," I murmured happily, "I want a sword to take out Sienna."

Monroe chuckled, the beautiful sound making everything inside me surge up.

"What is it with Sienna, darling?" she asked me, shaking her head as she focused forward, turning at the stop sign.

"Ugh, don't say her name—you don't say her name," I quickly said, letting go of her hair to touch the soft skin of her neck.

"My receptionist," she corrected herself, remaining unaffected under the soft caress of my touch.

I don't know how—if she was touching me right now, I would lose my mind.

"Ew, my receptionist?" I emphasized, fake gagging as I pulled away from her and dramatically collapsed in my seat, "This is even worse than I thought," I whispered to myself.

Monroe chuckled again, "What would you like me to call her, Liberty?" she asked me.

I shrugged, "The receptionist, duh," I said, waving her off, "Now I'm very upset—like so sad, Ro Ro."

"Oh no," Monroe murmured with furrowed brows, her attention focused ahead, "How will I ever live now darling?"

I sighed, "Exactly, you can't live if I'm sad," I pointed out, reaching my hand up, "Hold my hand to make me feel better?"

Monroe's lips twitched up, as she briefly glanced over to my hand.

Then she reached her right hand over to hold mine, interlacing our fingers as I lowered our hands to rest in my lap.

"Much better," I determined, gently squeezing her soft hand in mine.

"Content?" she asked, briefly glancing over to me.

I nodded a few times in a row, "Very content—I feel less sad again," I told her as I stared up at the ceiling of her dark car.

"Good darling," Monroe determined, focusing back on driving.

I let out a soft sigh as I held her hand in mine, relaxing against the seat as I watched the road pass by.

I was really only content for a few more minutes until I decided we needed to listen to music.

My music for once, so she helped me connect to Bluetooth and I settled on PartyNextDoor to play.

I figured it was my best choice since she likes jazz and R&B music has the same kind of vibe.

It made the rest of the ride so much better, especially as I nodded my head to the music.

"You swear it's a ten?" I asked her as we stood in the elevator of my apartment building, heading up to my floor, "Because that's my favorite song right now."

Monroe tightened her arm around my waist, steadying me better when I swayed, "Easily a ten," she said, making me smile as I hummed the song TBH in my head.

I'm so happy she liked it.

I honestly wanted her to hear more of my playlist, but the drive wasn't that long.

It felt really short to me.

Or maybe I'm just past crossfaded and struggling to process time.

Especially with how fast everything is flying past me.

Even getting off the elevator, walking to my apartment, and finally making it inside with Monroe using my key fob for me.

"Thanks, beautiful," I winked at her, skipping into my apartment and doing a small wobbly twirl, "I'm homeeeee," I called out as I held my arms in the air.

"You are," Monroe said as she gently closed the door, "Now let's take off your makeup."

I glanced over as she approached me, "Awww are you going to help me Ro Ro?" I asked her, my smile growing as she grabbed my waist.

"I am," she said, guiding me toward my bedroom.

I stepped out of my heels and shrugged her jacket onto my bed, walking toward the bathroom—where she flicked on the lights.

I leaned against the counter for support, grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste to brush my teeth.

As I wetted my toothbrush and applied the toothpaste, I glanced over, watching as she opened the drawer and grabbed the makeup wipes.

"No-no, those are Kaia's," I quickly corrected her, reaching for the makeup remover bottle and cotton rounds.

"Kaia keeps her stuff here?" Monroe asked me, guiding the bottle and cotton rounds out of my hand.

"Yup, it makes it easier when she stays over," I briefly explained, now brushing my teeth and watching as she carefully poured the remover on the cotton round.

She patiently waited for me to finish brushing my teeth—then she motioned me closer.

I stood in front of her, leaning back against the sink as she picked up the dampened cotton rounds.

Then she gently grabbed my chin, tilting my head further back as her blue eyes trailed my face.

I openly stared at her, watching as she took her time removing my makeup.

My hands roamed up her covered stomach, playing with the buttons of her shirt.

Anticipation roamed through my body as I continued messing with the small buttons.

Until I finally found the courage to unbutton one of them.

"Liberty."

Her voice was lowered, her stare meeting mine.

"I must owe you something for all of this," I said, softening my voice as I tilted my head innocently at her.

Monroe only shook her head once, "You owe me nothing," she said, setting the used cotton rounds on the sink behind me as she buttoned the singular button back up.

I frowned, "Obviously I don't—it was just like a sexy thing. You're supposed to play along," I pointed out, trailing my hands down her stomach.

Monroe immediately grabbed my hands, lowering them away from her, "Not like this," she clarified, making me frown.

I hate being rejected.

And it always feels worse coming from her.

"Why not like this?" I whispered, leaning closer to her as I tilted my head further back.

Monroe stared down at me, "Because you've been drinking," she pointed out, her eyes trailing my face, "And god knows what else, Liberty."

I pouted my lips out, "It was just a few shots—I only smoked like once," I tried my best to explain.

But Monroe only shook her head, "No, Liberty," she stated clearly, saying the word I absolutely hated to hear.

I loved saying it but hated hearing it.

The irony.

"Fine, maybe someone else will let me," I determined, wanting to press her nerves a little bit, and I knew just how to, "I'll go text Kaia," I purposely added as I stumbled past her.

"Excuse me?" Monroe immediately said, her voice lowered with a tightness that I hadn't heard before.

It made something inside of me sink, realizing... I was not supposed to say that.

I was totally not supposed to say that.

I felt her grab my wrist before I could fully exit the bathroom, pulling me right back to her as I stumbled to fight her hold.

But it was no use—I was facing her before I could realize it.

I inaudibly gasped when she grabbed my neck, tilting my head back to meet her precise stare.

There was something behind her eyes.

I could tell by her tightened jaw that she was irritated by my words, but otherwise, she appeared calm.

Unnaturally calm.

Like she was genuinely trying to force it.

"Repeat what you just said, Liberty," Monroe instructed, her words lowered between us.

"I..." I trailed off when she applied a certain pressure to the column of my throat, holding me firmly in place as she waited, "It was just a joke—I swear."

"You're too comfortable with saying that about your friend," Monroe observed, her eyes not wavering from mine, "Have you told this joke before, or is there something else you want to tell me?"

I blinked a few times, trying to process her words.

She pieced that one together really fucking quickly.

I'm not even surprised—I fucked up.

And I know I'm already going to hear it tomorrow.

I know tonight won't go unsaid—especially going against her word earlier and leaving her office.

She hates it when I don't listen.

"It's just a joke," I lied, not wanting to add to the problems I created tonight.

Monroe didn't move.

She didn't react.

She only stared at me for a longer moment, firmly holding me in place as I tried not to let her precise stare affect me.

"I just wanted to do something with you," I spoke again through the tense silence, suddenly feeling nervous, "I want you right now."

"You've been drinking, and apparently you smoked too," Monroe emphasized, her voice still calm, but god, I knew there was something going on in her head.

I just don't know what.

"Yeah, I know, but I can still be good for you," I whispered softly, staring into her eyes.

"Do you think that's satisfying to me? Touching you in this state, Liberty?" she asked me, her words so blunt that it made my face burn up.

I had nothing to say.

"Answer the question," Monroe said, holding me in place by my neck.

"I don't think it's satisfying," I immediately answered the question, my voice in a weak whisper as I looked away from her.

Suddenly, I felt very fucking ashamed.

"Get in the bedroom," she suddenly instructed, letting go of my neck, but quickly grabbing my waist when I stumbled slightly, "I'll grab you something to wear."

I nodded, walking off immediately as I tried not to stumble over my own feet.

Monroe followed behind me, walking over to my closet as I sat on my bed.

It was tensely silent as I waited for her to come out.

And even as she did, the silence between us remained.

She helped me undress from my clothes, sliding my undergarments off to dress me in an oversized t-shirt and shorts.

I didn't feel exposed under her stare as she helped me get dressed, if anything, I could only anticipate what she would say next.

But she was tensely silent, grabbing me water and Tylenol as I got comfortable in bed.

She gave me two of the pills, bringing the glass of water to my lips for a sip.

Monroe tilted the cup further up, making me drink a few more long sips of water before she was satisfied.

Then she set the glass on my nightstand with the medicine, focusing on tucking the covers around me.

I relaxed in the bed, the room dim with the lights from the bathroom filtering in.

Monroe stared down at me, caressing her hand against my cheek as I unconsciously leaned into her touch.

It was a brief moment between us, where neither of us said anything.

She just grazed her thumb against my soft skin, her blue eyes trailing my face as I relaxed more under her touch.

"If I find out you lied to me tonight, Liberty," Monroe suddenly spoke through the silence, her voice lowered between us.

Her words hung in the air, making knots grow in my stomach as I anticipated what she would say next.

I knew this Kaia situation wouldn't go unnoticed.

Fuck, what have I done?

Monroe tilted her head in a calculated manner, caressing the back of her hand against my cheek.

I drew in a deep breath when she leaned down to me, passing my face to lean into my ear.

"I won't yell or get angry," she whispered, the softness in her voice almost unsettling, "I'll break you down so thoroughly you won't know where I end, and you begin."

Her words sounded like a promise.

One that felt fucking inevitable.

My heart pounded heavily in my ears as she pulled away, meeting my gaze again with her usual neutral expression.

It was almost terrifying, especially with her words that echoed in my head.

I unconsciously shivered when her touch caressed down to my neck, running her fingers over the column of my throat.

Before she lightly pressed down, just enough to make my breath hitch.

"And the worst part, Liberty?" she murmured, her blue eyes snapping away from my neck to meet my stare, "You'll thank me when I'm done."

I let out a deep breath when she withdrew her hand from my neck, calmly standing from my bedside like the last few moments never even happened.

I didn't know what to say, or if I should say anything at all.

All I could hear was the pounding of my heart, realizing I truly fucked up.

"Sleep well, darling," Monroe said, her blue eyes holding mine for a moment longer, "I'll stop by in the morning to discuss what you did tonight."

I nodded before I could think it through, unable to truly formulate words after what she previously said.

It was like an echo in my head.

One I couldn't get rid of.

You won't know where I end, and you begin.

What does that even mean?

I blinked a few times when she turned away from me, her heels clicking precisely with each step she took toward the door.

My chest rose and fell with each breath, watching her walk out of my room toward the front door.

The clicking of her heels grew further away—and then I heard my front door gently shut moments later.

But I remained still in place just as she left me.

Suddenly, I didn't feel tired.

It felt like she had thrown an ice bucket of water on me, making me feel stone-cold sober.

Tomorrow morning is going to be really fucking hard.