Page 31

? ? ?

"I was thinking about the topic from earlier," I finally spoke before I could talk myself out of it, "You know... the one at the restaurant."

Monroe's stare didn't waver from my face, "Removing problems," she said, already knowing I struggled to process it that well.

I nodded silently, unable to actually form the word yes.

I felt... a little scared that I would say the wrong thing.

"Darling," she softly sighed, caressing the back of her hand against my cheek as my body remained tucked against hers, "You don't need to worry yourself over this."

I blinked a few times, "I know, I just, well what if..." I trailed off, drawing in a deep breath.

It was silent yet again between us.

And Monroe didn't rush me to say what was on my mind.

Which was relieving, but it also made it harder.

I had to say these words on my own.

"Okay, so what if," I started again, glancing over to meet her stare already placed on me, "What if an old hookup wanted to be my friend?" I decided to ask, easing into the topic.

I didn't want to say this person was my current friend and ruin this what-if scenario.

I just needed to see Monroe's reaction to this first and then move forward with the Kaia topic.

"You would handle that," Monroe said, immediately loosening the tension in my body.

This is going well I think.

Like that's a good answer.

"I assume you're aware that the last thing you could be is their friend," she spoke again, smoothing her fingers across my jawline.

Never mind.

Maybe this isn't going well.

Because I'm still Kaia's friend—herbest friend even.

I nodded before I could think it through, "Yes... but like what if I was their friend?" I asked, my voice in a soft whisper.

I couldn't bring myself to talk much louder.

That's how nervous I felt.

I knew I needed to tread carefully.

"If you couldn't handle it, then I would, Liberty," Monroe calmly determined, her stare burning into my face as I avoided her eyes.

"But what does handle it mean?" I said, glancing back to meet her stare, "You made removing someone sound like..." I trailed off, pursing my lips as I eyed her face, "Killing them? I don't know."

Monroe remained silent, her expression neutral and her blue eyes holding mine.

My words didn't phase her.

And that alone made something twist in my stomach.

Until I noticed the subtle twitch of her lips, a soft chuckle falling from her lips before I could process it.

The sound was even more beautiful in person.

It was also really fucking relieving, letting out a deep breath as I watched her lips spread into an amused smile.

I think it was the biggest smile I had seen on her, even if it was still faint compared to a typical smile.

"It sounds insane right?" I laughed, letting out another relieved breath as I stared at her lips spread into a soft smile.

"No, it doesn't, Liberty," Monroe assured me, glancing back to meet my stare, "It's only amusing that you skipped to the worst-case scenario here."

I furrowed my brows, trying not to let my smile fade even if I suddenly felt my nervousness all over again.

Only it was worse.

So much worse.

Because she didn't deny my question whatsoever.

She only laughed because I skipped to the worst scenario.

"It's a scenario?" I unconsciously whispered, trying not to anxiously play with my hands.

She would notice immediately.

"Worst case," Monroe clarified as if it truly mattered, "In other cases, jobs relocate, people move away, things... happen."

I blinked a few times, processing how natural this was for her.

How she made these circumstances sound like a coincidence.

Someone coincidentally has to relocate for a new job, or randomly move away.

But really, it was her who made it happen.

She had the connections to make someone fade away in the least susceptible way.

I can't tell if that's worse.

"And so..." I suddenly spoke again, trailing off before I could fully string my words together.

I had to draw in a deep breath.

And then another.

"So... killing uh someone," I tried my best to speak again, my stare trailing her face, "That can happen? You would do that?"

Monroe tilted her head, her blue eyes openly trailing my face for a moment.

Her stare was analytical, like she was calculating her next words.

And her neutral expression gave away nothing, making me feel even more on edge.

"I don't do anything, Liberty," she suddenly clarified, her stare not wavering from mine, "Not personally."

I nodded, trying to appear normal—like her words weren't scaring me.

In her world, she probably never handled anything herself.

She probably had someone on call—maybe even speed dial.

"Enough of that," Monroe calmly determined, tracing the tips of her fingers down my neck and sending shivers through my body, "Tell me what's going on darling."

I blinked a few times, "What do you mean?" I whispered.

Even if I knew exactly what she meant.

She knows I'm not just asking this to ask it.

"You're worried about this for a reason," Monroe clarified, her eyes trailing across my face, "Something has either happened, or perhaps this is anxiety?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I just wanted to know for future reference," I quickly said, my words in a soft whisper.

Monroe remained silent for another moment, her stare tracing every edge of my face.

It was tense—I almost felt like I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't begin to read where her head was at, anticipating what she would do next.

Until she blinked.

Slowly.

Then she nodded once, "Okay," she suddenly said, tilting her head slightly as her eyes burned into mine.

Her stare alone made me want to be honest and relieve myself of this weight.

But after what she just said, I knew I couldn't.

"Okay," I unconsciously whispered when it grew too tense, my words breathless and unsteady.

Monroe hummed softly, "How can I help you be less anxious over this?" she asked, reaching up from my neck to cup my cheek.

I felt my lips twitch up slightly at her concern.

She was calm as usual, but I could tell she was concerned about where I stood with this topic.

She knew I was anxious—she just didn't know why.

"I think I'm better now," I said, even if it wasn't that true, "Thank you for explaining better."

I definitely couldn't tell her about Kaia.

Never.

Not after what she just told me.

I didn't want Kaia to coincidentally leave my life or...

Worst case scenario.

"Of course darling," Monroe murmured, staring down at me as she caressed my cheek, "You deserve a better friend than someone always looking to sleep with you," she whispered, her voice soft and coaxing me into a more relaxed state, "I'm trying to protect you, Liberty."

I smiled slightly at her words, suddenly seeing her side of things.

It's definitely a messy situation being friends with someone you've hooked up with.

Let alone best friends.

But I think me and Kaia are okay.

Or maybe Monroe is right.

Maybe Kaia is always looking to sleep with me—she is really touchy.

"Thank you for protecting me," I whispered, nuzzling closer to her as she wrapped her arms around me.

Monroe hummed softly in response, "Always," she said, caressing the back of my head as I leaned into her chest.

"Will you stay with me if I fall asleep?" I whispered, not wanting her to leave my side anytime soon.

"Of course, darling," she didn't hesitate to say.

I wrapped my arm around her torso, inhaling her familiar scent, "Even in the morning?" I asked, recalling how she had to leave the last time we spent a night together.

"Even in the morning," Monroe said, gently playing with my damp hair as I relaxed against her.

I let out a deep sigh as I allowed myself to fully let my guard down, unable to fight my tiredness anymore.

Kaia was still on my mind, but I knew I made the right decision not to tell Monroe.

It was something I needed to let go of now and just aim to keep Kaia as strictly a friend.

I should probably keep her away from Monroe too.

? ? ?

The next morning, I was closer to her.

Much closer.

And she held me there, keeping her arms around my waist—while my leg remained around her torso.

I felt physically attached to her, even as I stirred from my sleep.

I purposely kept my eyes closed, not wanting to move a single inch just in case she was already awake.

I also didn't want to wake her if she was still asleep.

I just wanted to stay here, wrapped entirely in her warmth.

I ironically managed to fall back asleep while actively pretending to be asleep.

And this time when I stirred awake, I wasn't as subtle as I wanted to be.

Which I quickly realized when I tilted my head back slightly, my tired eyes fluttering open to meet her gaze.

I let out a soft sigh when she reached up to gently brush the frizzy curls away from my face, murmuring a soft good morning that I whispered back in response.

It was silent for a moment as I stared up at her, remaining still so she could caress all my stray frizzy curls away from my face.

"My sweet girl," she said as I leaned back into her chest with a soft groan.

"I don't want to get up," I mumbled, my voice muffled against her chest.

Monroe hummed in response, "So you don't want me to cook you breakfast?" she asked me, her tone bordering on teasing, "Or... go for a walk on the beach?"

I sighed dramatically, "I do want to," I whispered, keeping my eyes closed, "Just in my dreams."

A soft chuckle vibrated in her chest, making my heart shoot up in my chest.

"You wouldn't rather do it in real life with me darling?" she asked, sounding entirely amused by my words.

I leaned away from her chest, opening my eyes to fully grasp the amusement on her features.

The small smile on her soft lips.

How prominent her cheekbones were when she smiled.

"Your smile is really pretty," I unconsciously whispered before I could think it through, my stare focused entirely on her lips.

Monroe remained silent for a moment, staring at me as I focused entirely on her lips.

Until I recalled what she had said.

"Wait," I suddenly said, glancing away from her lips to meet her stare, "You can cook?"

She pursed her lips when her smile grew, "You're very adorable, Liberty," she whispered, caressing her hand down my side.

And against my bare thigh,my leg remaining wrapped around her torso.

"I'm well trained in the kitchen," she answered my previous question, her touch grazing my inner thigh.

I raised a brow, trying not to focus on the heat her touch drew from me.

"Trained?" I asked her in a soft whisper.

Monroe hummed in response, "I had culinary training growing up," she told me, naturally making my brows raise.

But it was hard to focus on her words with her fingers tracing up my inner thigh.

"That's..." I trailed off when I felt her delicately trace her fingers against my core, "You must cook really uh—" I drew in a soft breath when she began tracing my clit, "Really well," I finished my statement breathlessly.

"Very well," Monroe said, applying more pressure against my clit and evoking a moan from me.

My heavy eyes rolled closed as I gripped her shoulders, my breathing growing unsteady.

"Open your eyes, Liberty," she instructed, continuing her pace against me as another moan fell from my lips.

I opened my eyes before I could process it, meeting her stare as she slid two fingers into me.

My brows furrowed and my lips parted with a deeper moan, "Monroe," I forced out, whimpering when I felt her slide a third finger into me.

"Shhh," she softly soothed me as I struggled to stretch around her fingers.

My nails dug deeper into her covered skin as she carefully watched every expression I made.

"My beautiful girl," she whispered so softly, openly staring down at me.

My face burned as I grew wetter for her, moaning and whimpering even more as she continued sliding her fingers in and out of me.

"You're doing so well for me, Liberty."

I moaned deeper at her words, breathing heavily as I tried my best to hold her stare.

Her pace was consistent, angling her fingers to hit my spot as she watched me come undone entirely from her touch.

My legs burned with pain when I squeezed them, making whimpers fall from my lips.

Monroe looked neutral as she watched me, while I was unable to hold my composure—arching deeper as I rose to my peak.

"Good girl," she praised me when I tightened entirely around her fingers, suddenly quickening her pace.

I shook my head rapidly, unable to get any words out as I fell into my orgasm.

Her quick pace sent me into a deeper spiral.

"I know, darling," she murmured when I whimpered with furrowed brows, drawing in deeper breaths.

Monroe leaned into me, letting me bury my face in her shoulder as she thrusted harder and deeper.

I only grew tighter and tighter around her fingers, my moans and whines muffled against her shoulder.

I had reached my second orgasm before I could realize it, trembling under her as a whine fell from my lips.

My already sore legs were suddenly aching with pain, digging my nails deeper into her covered shoulders as I tried to fight the pain.

"It hurts-it hurts," I whispered, quickly pulling away from her as I tried to move my trembling legs, "Please, no, yellow."

Monroe immediately slid out of me, her slicked fingers instinctively wrapping around my thighs to stretch my tightened leg away from her.

A choked whine burned in my throat, pressing my hands to my face as pain shot up my leg.

"Breathe through it, Liberty," I heard her voice echo, guiding me on my back as she reached for my other leg.

I pressed my hands firmer against my face, breathing rapidly as she leaned over me and folded my legs against my stomach to help stretch them better.

"You're doing good, darling," she reassured me as I tried my best to breathe through the pain, "Just focus on my voice."

"It hurts," I forced out weakly, reaching down to grip the bed underneath me as she kneaded her hands into the back of my thighs.

Even that didn't feel good.

My legs were beyond sore, and now trembling from unconsciously squeezing them so hard again.

"Relax, darling," Monroe softly whispered, kneading her hands deeper against my thighs as I struggled to steady my breathing.

Especially when she guided my legs to straighten in the air, stretching them even more as I tried to relax.

But it was fucking impossible.

I was tense beneath her, trembling as she continued stretching and massaging my legs for a few more minutes.

My legs felt loose and tingly by the time she was done, carefully lowering them down on the mattress.

I was silent as I stared up at the ceiling, not wanting to move a single muscle after the pain I just endured.

Monroe pulled my white t-shirt down and covered me with the blanket, holding me closer to her as I tried to process everything that just happened.

It was silent between us for a few moments as Monroe held me close, caressing her fingers up and down my arm.

Until she mentioned making us breakfast.

I only nodded, not saying a word as I continued staring at the ceiling.

Monroe took my silent confirmation, but she didn't get out of bed—if anything she held me closer, soothing me with reassuring words.

She mentioned that she had the fridge stocked for us before we arrived, so there should be something in the freezer to ice my legs.

I immediately agreed to that—and this time, Monroeinstinctively slid out of bed, walking out of the bedroom to prepare something that would help ease the pain.

Minutes blurred into seconds, and before I knew it, she was walking back into the room with frozen bags wrapped in paper towels.

I winced as she lifted my legs, positioning the different bags underneath them.

The ice immediately relieved some of the pain, making me relax against it with a deep sigh.

I closed my eyes as Monroe walked away again, relishing in the relief the ice provided me.

But as soon as I heard the bath turn on in the nearby bathroom, my eyes were back open.

I glanced over when she walked out of the bathroom, "What are you doing?" I asked, speaking for the first time in almost twenty minutes.

"Preparing you an Epsom salt bath," Monroe said, walking over to the bed and lifting the cover, "It should help ease more of the pain."

I nodded a few times, even if it felt like I suddenly wanted to cry.

It feels like I disappointed her.

"I..." I trailed off when her stare flickered up to meet mine.

Monroe's face softened as soon as tears burned in my eyes, "I'm sorry darling," she whispered, gently cupping my face in her hand, "You've been very good for me. The last thing you deserve is this."

I sniffled, nodding wordlessly, "It just really hurts and-and," I paused, wanting to cry even harder at my next words, "I know you want to have sex but I don't think I can for a few more days and I don't want to disappoint you."

"Liberty," Monroe said, her brows furrowing at my words, "You could never disappoint me," she whispered, making my crying grow worse.

Her words felt so relieving, especially when it felt like all I could do was disappoint people.

Like my mother—everything I did was disappointing.

Even the breaths I took.

"You're in pain darling. Sex will never matter enough to sacrifice your comfort," Monroe spoke again, pursing her lips at how upset I was.

I sniffled, "But that's what this is... you want sex and I want to make you happy," I whispered, furrowing my brows when more tears burned in my eyes.

"This isn't a hook-up situation, Liberty. Our arrangement isn't purely about sex," she reassured me, gently wiping the tears from under my eyes, "I want you to be happy, safe, and protected. I never want you to feel forced to have sex with me."

Her words were so unfamiliar to me.

Or the concept of them at least.

I never really thought it mattered.

Like with Kaia it didn't—not if it made her happy or she would stay around.

I guess that doesn't matter to Monroe.

"Has someone forced you to have sex with them, Liberty?" Monroe suddenly asked, her tone lowered and her caress against my cheek halting.

"Not really," I said, my voice still in a weak whisper, "She never said I had to, but like if I wanted to make her happy... I knew what to do. And I knew she would stay if I did."

Monroe furrowed her brows, for once visibly processing my words.

I could read it all on her face, which was really fucking rare.

It was the way her jaw grew tight—how her shoulders looked tenser.

"Who is she, Liberty?" Monroe asked me, her tone lowered with a tightness that I hadn't quite heard before.

I blinked a few times, "I... she, I don't want to share," I quickly lied, knowing I couldn't say it was Kaia.

Not after our discussion last night.

Monroe remained silent for a moment, her blue eyes trailing my face.

She wasn't neutral—not with her tightened jaw and precise stare.

Until she calmly rolled her shoulders back, nodding stiffly to herself.

"Of course, darling," she said, blinking once—and then again, "I understand it took a lot of strength sharing your experience, so I appreciate you telling me."

I unconsciously let out a relieved breath at her words, nodding a few times.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Monroe hummed in response, focusing on removing the frozen bags from beneath my legs.

Then she slid her arms underneath my body, firmly lifting me into her arms and walking us toward the bathroom.

This time she didn't let me stand to get in the tub, she leaned down instead, submerging me into the hot waterstingingmy skin in the best way.

My muscles felt beyond soothed, relaxing in the water as she guided the wet white shirt over my head to throw aside.

"How does that feel?" she asked me, kneeling by the bathtub as I sighed deeply.

"Really good," I said, basking in the hot water that made goosebumps roll down my spine.

"Good, darling," Monroe murmured, reaching up to tuck some of my curls behind my ear.

I relaxed further as she stood up, heading out of the bathroom to make us breakfast while I soaked in the hot bath.

Thelast thing on my mind was eating, especially with how good this bath made my legs feel.

Luckily, Monroe didn't rush my bath and instead, brought breakfast to me.

I had officially learned what a poached egg was, which she had topped on the avocado toast she made me.

I've never had avocado toast, but apparently, I was really missing out.

It was so fucking good, especially with the egg and seasoning.

I was in food heaven, sitting in the bath and getting fed by her.

Soon I was finished eating, hesitantly standing from the tub now that the water had grown cold.

My legs felt so much better after soaking, and Monroe made sure to give me more Tylenol.

I was really fucking happy to not be in so much pain, suddenly feeling very thankful for my non-sore legs.

Especially because we could go to the beach now.

I dressed in one of my sweatshirts with leggings—while Monroe layered with a dark sweater and straight-leg sweatpants.

She brought us spare blankets from the closet since layering with warm clothes wouldn't be enough against the wind.

It was February, so the beach felt pretty miserable, especially with the gloomy sky overhead.

The waves kept crashing relentlessly in the distance, but I barely noticed them after a while.

Once we laid the blanket across the cold sand and sat down with another cover over us, it actually wasn't that bad.

It was really nice.

Especially as I sat in front of Monroe, between her spread legs with her arms around my waist—the ocean waves violently crashing in at shore.

"Have you ever been here with anyone else?" I curiously asked, staring ahead at the dark ocean reflecting under the grey sky.

I knew the question was invasive, especially for her, but I genuinely wanted to know more.

Especially about her past and the other arrangements she had.

"I have not," Monroe said, surprisingly answering my question for once.

I pursed my lips, "I feel like that's a lie," I determined, knowing she had to have been here before with a previous woman.

"I have no issue with telling you the truth darling," she murmured, shutting down my accusations, "There were out-of-town trips, yes, but not here."

Her words made me feel sort of good.

Not the out-of-town trips part, but the fact that she only brought me here.

That was at least something, especially after the same doctor situation.

"How many were there?" I decided to press for more information.

She seems kind of open to answering right now.

I think?

I can't see her face.

I suddenly turned away from the ocean to meet her stare, wondering where her head was.

It didn't show on her face.

It never did.

"I really want to know more, Monroe," I spoke again, hoping to convince her before she made her mind up. If she hasn't already, "It would be great to know more about your past."

Monroe hummed softly, "Why? We're in the present now sweetheart," she whispered so softly, reaching up to cup my face in her hand.

The pet name and the warmth of her touch made my head spin, especially compared to the cold air.

But I had to push my internal feelings away and focus on the current topic at hand.

"It's nice to know because..." I trailed off, trying to think of my next words, "Your past determines your present—it's what makes you who you are."

Monroe's lips twitched up slightly at my words, "Fair point, Liberty," she said, not hesitating to give me my credit, "My smart girl," she softly whispered.

I smiled as I leaned into her touch against my cheek, "Who wants to know more," I subtly added, holding her blue eyes.

Monroe remained silent for a moment, her eyes trailing my face.

The crashing ocean waves echoed, the silence between us brief.

Then...

She nodded.

"There were four arrangements before you," she calmly said, lowering her hand from my cheek to run her arm around my waist.

I felt relief flow through me at the small number.

"How long did they last?" I curiously asked as I held her stare.

Monroe caressed my lower back, "Typically a year. My longest was two years," she briefly explained, making me nod a few times.

Until I processed her words.

Two years is a really long time.

And so that means her experience wasn't from being with so many women...

It was about exploring one woman's body for months to years on end.

And that makes me feel a little weird if I'm being honest.

The other arrangments were a year—she spent an entire year pouring into these women.

"Did you have obsessive tendencies then?" I unconsciously asked, now wondering if she still cared for them after the time and energy she invested.

"I did," Monroe calmly said, her blue eyes trailing my face.

I furrowed my brows, "So like..." I trailed off, unsure how to word my next question, "You're still obsessed with them?" I asked hesitantly, furrowing my brows.

Monroe pursed her lips, "I don't operate like that, Liberty," she said, tilting her head slightly as she calculated her next words, "I decide to end each arrangement if it ever gets too serious. I don't carry any attachment with me."

I remained silent for a moment, trying to process her complex explanation.

So she ends it and that's why she doesn't feel attached?

I guess that means her obsessiveness is only throughout the arrangement maybe?

Maybe it's because it wasn't too serious or it was about to be so she ended it.

But what is too serious to her?

Because serious to me is this right here.

Being at a beach house, letting her bathe and feed me, allowing her to hold me at night.

"What's too serious?" I asked before I could fight away my curiosity.

"Dating," Monroe answered bluntly, her tone calm and lowered between us and the crashing waves, "It's not something I can provide, and realistically they begin wanting more from me."

I nodded once.

And then again, trying to figure out my next words.

It felt like I had so many questions, but I knew I could only ask her so much.

"Why can't you provide it?" I decided to ask, my tone almost hesitant with her.

I didn't want to push too far.

"For a couple of reasons," Monroe murmured, her eyes holding mine as she ran her hand up my covered back, "I prefer control, which means I'm naturally detached. I can't emotionally compromise on that."

She paused for a moment, allowing me to fully grasp her words.

"I also don't experience fulfillment from relationships," she continued, her hand sliding underneath my sweatshirt to caress my bare skin, "I find more satisfaction in my work or controlled arrangements. I've never been the type to get invested."

"Me either," I said before I could truly think it through.

But I've done hookups and never got invested in anyone.

I'm also okay with the fact that Monroe will leave one day—that we'll go our separate ways.

I think.

I'm not really sure, but it's better that I agree and just follow along.

Maybe this will last longer—two years even if I can go along with her ways.

"You get it then," Monroe murmured, resting her arm around my waist with her other.

"I get you," I whispered with a soft smile, running my arms around her neck and leaning closer.

Monroe remained silent, staring down at me expressionlessly withour faces inches apart.

The cold air suddenly felt tense around us, warm with the breaths we exhaled together.

Shivers ran down my spine when her arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer and leaving an even smaller gap between our faces

All I could do was stare into her eyes, watching as she suddenly blinked once.

And then again.

Until she silently nodded.

"You get me, Liberty," she repeated my statement in a soft murmur, her blue eyes sinking into mine.

It made me draw in an unconscious breath, processing her lowered tone and raw words.

How she's looking at me.

There was a darkness behind her words, one that consumed me.

It made me want more.

I know she only repeated what I said, but it felt genuine.

She agreed.

I suddenly leaned in closer, hugging myself to her body as I rested my face against her shoulder.

Monroe ran her hands up my back, hugging me closer as the echo of the waves crashed distantly.

For once I felt at peace, lulled by the ocean and surrounded by her warmth.

It was nice knowing a little bit about her past.

This second half of our morning felt really productive now that my legs weren't as sore.

I wondered what else the day would hold for us.