Page 35 of Clear Shot (Lauderdale Knights #9)

Hana

I wake up on my final full day in the US with a feeling of resignation.

So many memories and an equal number of regrets.

My hopes and dreams have all gone up in flames and though I’ve put on a brave face, I’m terrified of what the future holds. Going back to Slovakia isn’t the end of the world. I have friends and family there, I’m familiar with the language and the culture, so that part of it isn’t a concern.

But going through pregnancy without the baby’s father at my side? That was never in the plans.

Living in a city with limited professional opportunities is going to be challenging.

Dealing with judgmental family members will get annoying, but at least I was technically married when I got pregnant.

That goes a long way with small-minded people.

I’m not telling anyone there the truth other than my father, stepmother, and grandmother.

Everyone else will think that the marriage simply didn’t work out.

My biggest regret will be not being around to watch Joanna and Anderson—and all the other children our friends are having—grow up. Johan and Sloane will visit, of course, and I’ll be able to come here on holiday as well, but it won’t be the same.

Nothing in my life will ever be the same.

I’m going to be a single mother, something I never wanted.

Johan assures me that Aiden will pay child support, but I didn’t ask a lot of questions because at this point money will be useful but won’t soothe the emptiness in my soul.

Every ounce of joy is gone, and it feels like it will never come back.

I know that’s probably not accurate but right now there’s a sadness inside of me that feels unending.

I’d go so far as to describe it as depression, something I’ve never experienced before, and I suddenly have a better understanding of what Aiden goes through.

As angry as I am at him, I wouldn’t wish this emotional darkness I currently feel on anyone, and certainly not the man I love.

It’s hard to reconcile how much he’s hurt me with how much I love him, but the two things appear to be possible simultaneously.

It would be so much easier if I could hate him. If I didn’t lie in bed at night thinking about the laughter we shared, the motorcycle rides…the way he made me feel safe during the hurricane. His kisses. The sound of his voice. All the plans we made.

All of it gone in the blink of an eye.

Other than my clothes and personal items, the only thing I took from the house was the picture of us.

The one from the day we met. For some reason, I couldn’t leave it behind, and even though it was originally meant to be a gift for Aiden, I snatched it off the shelf anyway.

It’s buried in one of my suitcases, wrapped in a jacket, but I know it’s there.

Maybe someday I’ll show our child the picture of the day his parents met, before fate intervened in the most twisted way possible.

Anders and Claudia are throwing a small going-away party for me tonight, and I wish they weren’t.

I want to say goodbye to all of the friends I’ve made here, but it’s going to be painful.

Answering questions I don’t have answers to will be even worse.

I haven’t spoken to Aiden at all, and my lawyer says he hasn’t heard from him or his attorney with regard to the divorce either.

I’ve given Johan power of attorney with regard to that, so he can handle whatever comes up, but I’m not asking for anything beyond child support, so I can’t imagine what he could want to negotiate.

We should be getting the paternity test results today, but I don’t need a laboratory to tell me what I already know. There was no one else—the baby is Aiden’s. From what Anders told me, they had to drag Aiden to the lab to do the cheek swab but at least I’ll be vindicated soon.

Even if it doesn’t change anything.

That’s part of what makes this so hard. I know the truth is going to come out shortly. The paternity test and almost definitely something to do with his vasectomy, but it won’t fix what he broke between us.

He never even gave me a chance to talk to him, to discuss options. He just accused me of something horrible and walked away—from me, our baby, and the future we planned. Like the time we spent together meant nothing.

And I’ll never forgive him.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and Claudia peeks in.

“Hey. Johan and Sloane are here, and people are going to start arriving soon.”

“Ugh. This was the worst idea ever,” I whisper.

“Your friends want to say goodbye.”

“I know.”

“Come on. I’ve talked to all the ladies and they know you’re not ready to talk about what happened with Aiden. Johan had the same talk with all the guys. There isn’t going to be any bullshit tonight.”

“Do people know I’m pregnant?”

She shakes her head. “Nope.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I stick my phone in my pocket and follow her downstairs.

Vaughn and Juliet have arrived, a big tub of cupcakes in Juliet’s hand, and I can’t help but grin. She’s a gourmet baker with a business baking custom cakes, cookies, and cupcakes.

“I made your favorite,” she calls to me with a smile. “And I printed out the recipe in case you want to make them in Slovakia!”

Tears puddle in my eyes as I hug her. I put a hand on her belly, frustrated that I won’t be here to meet the new baby.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“I wish you weren’t leaving,” she whispers back. “Are you sure you and Aiden can’t work it out?”

“I’m sure.” We hug for another few seconds and then the doorbell rings and I have more guests to talk to.

It’s a little surreal, walking around and talking to the friends I’ve made, the people who’ve become important to me.

And lying to them.

“It just didn’t work out.”

“It’s complicated.”

“You’d have to ask him …”

They’re being respectful but they’re worried—and they all want me to stay.

Juliet and Vaughn.

Jude and Chloe.

Decker and Eden.

Slava and Zoe.

Jordan, Felix, and Elias.

And then, just after eight, there’s another knock on the door and Remy and Noelle arrive.

I’m flabbergasted that the team owner and his wife—whom I’ve only met a couple of times—came to say goodbye.

I spent quite a bit of time with Remy during the hurricane but Noelle and their daughter were out of town.

Yet they’re here.

With presents.

Tears sting my eyes as Remy hugs me and hands me a large gift bag.

“Oh, you didn’t have to get me anything!” I protest.

“Of course we did.” Noelle smiles. “We hate to see you go. Remy told me so much about you, I was looking forward to getting to know you.”

“Me too.” I take a shaky breath and try to smile.

“Is there no way to fix the marriage?” Remy asks bluntly. “Should I talk to him?”

“No.” I shake my head. “It’s over.”

“Well, he and I have to talk regardless. I’m pissed off that he went behind my back to start negotiating a trade. I thought we were a family here.”

Eeek.

That’s not something I need to get involved in. The business end of hockey is out of my league, so to speak, and I don’t want to hear about Aiden any more than necessary.

“I’m sorry if I’m partly to blame,” I say softly. “This wasn’t my choice.”

“So he left you.” He stares at me intently. “Hana, would you just tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can help.”

“You can’t.”

He blows out an exasperated breath. “You truly don’t understand the depth and reach of my power, do you?”

“I do, but you can’t buy or blackmail my husband into trusting me.

Or loving me.” I shrug. “It’s as simple as that.

You could try—here’s a billion dollars, I order you to love her—but we both know he wouldn’t actually love me, he would only agree for the money.

It’s a terrible example, but you know what I’m trying to say. ”

He stares at me, the look in his eyes inscrutable. If I didn’t know him as well as I do I might be a little intimidated. I’m sure he makes multi-million-dollar deals with faces like that, but there’s no amount of money that will bring Aiden back to me.

“Do you love him?” he asks after a beat.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, but it does. Do you love him?”

“I did.” I try to keep my voice neutral. “But he hurt me. I’m not sure if what he broke can be fixed.”

“But if it were possible—” He cuts me off before I can protest. “— pretend it’s possible for conversation purposes. Assuming it were fixed… would you love him?”

I manage a sad smile. “More than anything.”

“Then tell me what happened.”

I sigh.

“Tell him,” Noelle whispers, squeezing my arm. “I’m going to go get some food and talk to the ladies so you two can have a little privacy. But my husband is very, very good at fixing things. Trust him, Hana.” She winks and moves away, heading straight for Juliet’s cupcakes.

“Come sit with me.” Remy leads me outside to the patio.

It’s quiet out here since it’s chilly and everyone else is inside.

“Talk to me, Hana. Come on. It’s just us. You trusted me with your life when the hurricane hit, can’t you trust me with your marriage troubles?”

I unconsciously put my hand on my stomach. “It’s not just me anymore.”

His eyes widen slightly and then understanding dawns. “You’re pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“And he’s not happy.”

Well, in for a penny…

“He doesn’t believe it’s his.”

Remy makes the weirdest face, scrunching his nose and squinting his eyes. “Wha—for real? What the hell is wrong with him?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Well, I don’t have anywhere else to be and your flight isn’t until tomorrow, right?”

“Yes.”

“If nothing else, maybe getting some perspective from an outsider, someone who isn’t your bestie or a blood relative, will shed some light on things.”

I highly doubt it.

But I did trust him with my life once.

And maybe his perspective will give me something to hang on to.

God knows, I have nothing else.