Page 37

I keep my eyes fixed on my bowl. I haven’t taken a bite yet. I’m not hungry, but if I don’t force myself to eat something, then I won’t eat at all.

“Sarah?”

I wince at the caution seeping from Rhys’ voice.

My muscles tense when he reaches for the seat closest to me and sits. I busy myself with my cereal and shove a spoonful in my mouth.

I hear his sigh, but still refuse to meet his eyes. I don’t want to face the concern reflected in them.

I just need to find a new distraction.

Afterall, it’s how I’ve survived this long. Always on the move. Always finding new ways to feel anything but this soul-numbing pain that refuses to leave.

I don’t remember a lot of what happened during the mission I went on with Rhys. I recall walking inside, hearing gunfire, then the scent of something burning.

The rest is a clouded haze of panic and desperation. I can’t quite separate reality from whatever state I was thrust into at the time.

And I know Rhys has questions. He saw me in one of the most vulnerable states I’ve ever been in. Of course, he’s going to have questions.

The problem is me not wanting to answer them.

Answering them would mean giving him a part of the past I’ve spent years running from. It would mean trusting him with more than my body.

And yes, I’m more than aware he hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him. But I can’t just change the way I’m hardwired.

When I fully open up to him, he will hold all the power to destroy any pieces of me that are left.

He gently caresses my cheek with the back of his fingers. Unconsciously, I lean into his touch.

The burn behind my eyes is instant.

God. I’m so sick of crying.

“Sarah. Look at me.” I close my eyes and softly shake my head.

“Please.”

Teardrops cling to my lashes when I open my eyes. So many emotions swirl in the different green hues of Rhys’ irises.

TRUST HIM. LET HIM IN.

My heart and mind are at war with each other.

I’m so confused but I’m also so tired .

I’m tired of being alone even in a room full of people. I’m tired of pretending to be okay when everything inside is screaming in pain. I’m tired of worrying if, and when, the next person I let in will leave me.

The loss of Karley, Bones, and the bar lingers. No longer raw, but still painful if acknowledged. I haven’t heard from either. My last check was sent to my account with no issues. It was a larger amount than I was expecting but I don’t even get the chance to check if it’s right.

“Sarah?”

My eyes shoot to Rhys who stares at me with a soft expression. I feel his affection deep inside my bones.

Take the chance. Fall and trust he will be there to catch you.

I study every strong angle that make up his face. Every brown freckle. The curve of his soft lips. Warmth spreads through me; the truth becomes clear and nearly knocks me off my feet.

I love him.

God, I love this man so much it’s terrifying.

“I grew up with four brothers.” The words spill out of me without a second thought.

A sad smile lifts the corner of his mouth. He shakes his head. Remaining silent, giving me time to open up to him at my own pace.

Another reason I know I can trust him. He knows me almost as much as I know myself. He can read me like a damned open book to which he is the only one who understands the language.

I let out a humorless chuckle. “Yeah… Xander, Tommy, Ronny, and Colson.”

Understanding flashes in his eyes.

“Where are they?” His voice is low, filled with remorse and empathy.

I swallow the lump that threatens to choke the life out of me.

“They died.” I clear my throat, pulling away from his touch. I wipe my sweaty palms against the leggings I changed into this morning. “I was 18.”

He curses under his breath.

“There was a fire.” My voice cracks. I’m thrust into the past. The burning in my lungs is no longer from trying to contain my emotions but from the smoke and soot drifting into them. I struggle to continue speaking. Admitting leads to accepting.

Accepting what happened makes their deaths so… final.

A sob breaks through and I raise my hand to my mouth, trying to push the emotion back down.

Rhys’s arms wrap around me tightly and he lifts me into his lap. His lips press against my temple, his fingers tracing light circles on my back.

The comfort gives me the courage to keep going.

“Everything happened so fast… so fucking fast.” I glance up at him as he peers down. “One second, I had a family. The next… They were gone.”

Lifting my eyes to the ceiling, I blink rapidly. But it’s no use. The tears fall despite my best efforts to keep them at bay.

“I-It still hurts.” I clench my fist and press it firmly against my chest. “When will it stop hurting?”

He lifts me bridal style and strides down the hallway and into the ensuite. I gasp when water suddenly rains down on me.

I hadn’t realized he stepped into the shower. Both of us are still fully clothed.

“Rhys.” I move to climb out of his hold.

“Don’t,” he murmurs. He lowers himself to the shower floor, setting me on his lap. “Just sit with me for a little while, yeah?”

Nodding, I rest my head against his hard chest. His black shirt is sopping wet, sticking to every inch of his broad frame.

We sit in a comfortable silence. The sound of his heart beating and the rise and fall of his chest with each breath he takes is soothing.

When the water finally runs cold, he pats my thigh. “I’m gonna need you to get up. My ass cheeks are numb.”

Bursting with laughter, I climb off him and rise – unsteadily – to my feet. I hold out a hand and help him stand. He steps closer, our noses barely touching. Water cascades down the slopes of his plush lips.

“Rhys. I -.”

“Tell me,” he whispers when my sentence remains unfinished.

He cups the side of my face, holding me as close as humanly possible. Our breaths mingle.

“I-.” The words refuse to come out. I want to say them so fucking bad, but I can’t. His thumb softly brushes along my bottom lip.

“Tell me,” he urges, almost as though he knows what I want to say.

He smiles warmly and presses his lips to my forehead. “You might not be able to say the words right now, but I know.” Another kiss. “I know, baby. And I feel it too.”

* * *

“Sarah.” A soft kiss meets the bare skin of my shoulder. “Sarah, wake up.” Another kiss.

I groan. “Why am I waking up?”

Rhys’s chuckle warms my heart.

“I want to take you somewhere before I have to head out with Declan.”

I stretch my arms outward, arching my back like a cat. Rhys presses a soft kiss behind my ear, and I shiver.

A dark, satisfied chuckle coasts up my skin. Then he’s gone.

My eyes fly open, and I frown at his retreating back. “Get up, babe!”

Huffing in lighthearted annoyance, I climb out of bed and get ready.

“Follow me.” Rhys holds his hand out and I happily take it. He leads me up a hiking trail deep into a canopy of trees.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” His tone clearly reflecting a smile I can’t see.

* * *

The path opens to a small cliffside. The lake below is clear, and the sun shines brightly off the water. I drop Rhys’ hand and take small steps toward the edge.

I suck in a sharp breath at the sheer beauty surrounding us.

“How did you know this place was here?” I keep my voice low, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere.

He steps beside me, admiring the view of the lake and clear blue sky. “Declan and I stumbled on the trail when we were teenagers. We used to cliff jump.”

I damn near decapitate myself from how fast I whip my head in his direction. “Is that what we’re doing?”

Excitement courses through my veins.

I need this after the emotional turmoil I experienced yesterday and over the past few days.

He winks and sends that deliciously seductive smile my way. “Bet your sweet ass we are.”

“YES!” I throw a fist in the air. Rhys had said to wear a swimsuit, so I hurry to strip my clothes.

“You got a little drool on your lip,” I tease when he hungrily takes in the black little number I’m wearing.

I’m no better when he reaches behind his head and tugs off his shirt. His muscles flex with the motion and I squeeze my thighs together.

“Now who is the one drooling?” He tosses his shirt at my face.

Laughing, I catch it and set it next to my things.

“Jump with me?”

I stand by Rhys’ side at the cliff’s edge and take his hand. He gives mine a small squeeze. “Ready when you are.” I smile so wide; I worry my cheeks might explode.

Then, together, we jump.