Page 29 of Certified Pressure 3 (Certified Pressure #3)

The Laurent Therapy Center

Two weeks later…

To be honest, I couldn’t even say how I really felt about comin’ to therapy.

I guess it was somethin’ I knew I needed but at the same time, I ain’t really believe in sittin’ in front of no stranger and talkin’ about my business.

Kashmere was the one that set this shit up, and even though I wasn’t really feelin’ it, I showed up ‘cause she asked me to.

We was in the lobby of The Laurent Therapy Center, a quiet ass place with clean white walls, soft music, and a smell that reminded me of lavender and fresh paper. It was peaceful but too quiet for me.

Kashmere sat next to me, flippin’ through some magazines while I leaned back in my chair, scrollin’ on my phone.

She looked good, though. Her hair and nails was done, and she had on some thick ass lip gloss that caught the light every time she turned her head.

But she looked nervous too, like she was hopin’ this session was gon’ fix everything that had been fallin’ apart between us.

When the door opened, a black woman stepped out with a warm smile. She was in her late thirties, skin smooth like honey, locs pulled up neat, and her energy felt calm but strong. “Pressure and Kashmere?” she said.

Kashmere smiled and stood up. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Come on in,” the therapist said. “I’m Dr. Vaughn, but you can just call me Dr. V if that’s easier.”

We followed her inside to this small office that had light brown walls, a big window, and a shelf full of books and plants. There was a couch and two chairs. Me and Kash sat next to each other on the couch, and Dr. V took the chair across from us with a notebook in her lap.

“So,” she started, lookin’ at both of us, “I appreciate you for coming in today. Usually, the first session is just about getting to know what brings you both here and what you hope to work on. Kashmere, would you like to start?”

Kashmere nodded, her voice soft but clear. “Yeah, I just… I feel like we’ve been going through so much, and I want us to get back on track. I love my fiancé, but I don’t always feel like I know how to handle certain things, especially with everything that’s been happening lately.”

Dr. V nodded and turned her eyes to me. “Pressure, what about you? What made you agree to come?”

I leaned back, laced my fingers together, and exhaled slow. “She wanted me here, so I came. Simple as that.”

Kashmere looked over at me, like she wanted to say somethin’, but Dr. V just smiled slightly.

“Alright, I can respect that. Sometimes one person brings the other in, and that’s okay.

We’ll still make the most of the time. Can you tell me what’s been going on lately?

What’s causing tension between you two?”

Kashmere jumped in first. “It’s been a lot of changes. We’re engaged, but it doesn’t feel like we’ve had a real chance to enjoy it. I love him, but there’s this… situation with another woman. She’s pregnant with his child.”

Dr. V nodded slowly and turned toward me again. “How are you handling that, Pressure?”

I rubbed my chin and looked away for a second.

I wasn’t really expectin’ Kashmere to come out the gate with it like this.

“I’m handlin’ it. I ain’t perfect, but I’m doin’ what I gotta do.

I can’t change what happened, so now it’s about makin’ sure that my baby is good.

That’s my main focus. It’s not my only focus though,” I said, turning to Kashmere.

Dr. V leaned in slightly. “It sounds like that child is very important to you.”

“Yeah,” I said without hesitation. “That’s my baby. I gotta make sure he or she got everything they need. I ain’t the type of man to run from what I created.”

She nodded again, writin’ somethin’ in her notebook. “Can I ask, is this your first child?”

My whole body tensed up. I looked at her, then looked away again. “I don’t really wanna talk about that.”

Kashmere reached over and placed her hand on my leg. “Pressure, this is why we came. You gotta let her in so I can understand you better.”

I took a deep breath, rubbin’ the back of my neck. “It ain’t my first baby,” I finally said. “I had one before. He didn’t make it.”

Dr. V’s pen stopped for a second. Her voice stayed soft. “I’m sorry to hear that. Can you tell me a little about what happened?”

I shook my head. “Nah, I can’t. Not today. I just… I don’t wanna talk about that part.”

Kashmere kept her hand on me, lookin’ at me with that same mix of love and frustration I seen too many times lately. “You don’t have to go into detail, but I think it’s important that I at least know what I’m up against emotionally. I wanna be here for you, but you keep shuttin’ me out.”

I leaned forward and looked at her. “I ain’t shuttin’ you out. Some shit just hurt too much to talk about, that’s all. I don’t like reopenin’ wounds that already cut deep. My son’s death… it’s just somethin’ I still ain’t made peace with.”

Dr. V spoke up again, her tone still calm. “Grief doesn’t have a timeline, Pressure. Sometimes holding it in feels safer, but it can make it harder for your partner to truly connect with you.”

I looked at her and nodded slow. “I hear you. I just ain’t ready to unpack all that.”

She smiled softly. “And that’s okay. Therapy’s not about rushing you. It’s about meeting you where you are. What’s important is that you’re both here and you’re willing to try.”

Kashmere sighed, lookin’ down at her hands. “I just feel like I’m fightin’ for a place in his life that’s already filled. Between his family and this baby, I feel like there’s no room left for me.”

Dr. V turned her attention to her. “That’s a very real feeling, Kashmere. And Pressure, hearing that, what does it make you feel?”

I rubbed my face, frustrated. “It make me feel like no matter what I do, I can’t win. I chose her. I told her I wanted to marry her. I’m here, but she act like all that don’t matter ‘cause another woman pregnant. I can’t change that now. All I can do is step up and handle my responsibilities.”

“So maybe part of this is learning how to balance being a partner and a father,” Dr. V said. “It’s not about choosing one over the other but understanding how both can exist.”

That made sense, but I ain’t say it out loud. I just nodded, and Kashmere sat back, quiet. Dr. V looked between us and smiled softly. “Alright, I think we’ve made a good start today. I’d like to schedule another session for next week if that works for both of you.”

Kashmere agreed right away, and I just nodded. I wasn’t gon’ argue.

When we walked out into the parking lot, the air felt heavier than it did goin’ in. Kashmere turned to me as soon as we got to the car. “Why was it so hard for you to open up?”

I pulled my keys from my pocket and unlocked the door. “Because I don’t just open up to people I don’t know, Kash. You wanted therapy, I came. I did what you asked.”

She crossed her arms, her tone calm but serious. “The whole point of therapy is to open up. We can’t move forward if you keep holding shit in. You always say you wanna be better, but how you gon’ do that if you won’t even talk about what’s hurting you?”

I leaned against the car for a second, lookin’ right at her. “You don’t need to know every detail about my pain to love me. All you need to know is that I lost my son. He died in Ka’mari’s womb. That’s all I’m sayin’ on it.”

Her lips parted, but she didn’t say nothin’. I opened the car door and got in. She got in on her side, and stayed to herself.

The ride home was silent. She looked out her window, and I looked out mine, both lost in our own thoughts. For me, it wasn’t about not wantin’ to open up, but more about not knowin’ how to without losin’ my mind all over again.

Some pain just don’t ever leave you. It sit in your soul, remindin’ you every day what it cost to keep livin’, and no amount of therapy could change that overnight.