Page 3 of Certified Pressure 2

Trill-Land, Jungle Estate

I couldn’t lay still for shit. My nerves were all over the place and my mind just kept spinning in circles.

I had been crying so hard that my pillowcase was damp, and no matter how many times I wiped my face the tears kept sneaking back.

I hated myself for even letting it get to me this much, but I couldn’t shake the image of Pressure’s ex-bitch walking bold as hell into the foyer like they was still together.

That shit had knocked the wind out of me.

I came into this house knowing it was going to be a gamble, but I never pictured myself feeling like this.

I was so in love with this damn man. I wasn’t even about to sit here and pretend like it was just lust or just some game because it wasn’t.

Pressure had woven himself into my soul in a way that was permanent.

Even when I told myself I was done, that I needed to let it go before I lost my damn mind, it felt like trying to rip out my own teeth.

This was the kind of pain you couldn’t just move past.

And the worst part was I had been the last one standing with Pluto. Pluto Monroe, the same girl who had been my best friend since we were little kids. She had been my sister before any of this, and now she was my competition… and potentially my enemy.

I still couldn’t believe that’s how it ended up.

We didn’t even come into this mansion on no messy shit.

We both had our own reasons, our own motives, but somehow we had fallen in love with the same man, and there was no going back from that.

I would always love Pluto in a way, but our lives were never going to be the same again.

I couldn’t help but wonder how shit would’ve turned out if we would’ve just been honest about our relationship, instead of downplaying and lying to Pressure about it.

That part hurt worse than almost getting sent home.

She probably hated me now, thought I had done her dirty, but I didn’t see it like that.

I didn’t do nothing wrong except follow my heart.

As far as I was concerned, it was what it was.

Pressure wasn’t just some nigga you could play about.

He had that kind of energy that made you forget your plans and abandon your good sense.

Once he had you, he had you. And I wasn’t about to apologize for being in love with him.

I rolled over on my side, staring at the glow of the lamp across the room.

My head was pounding, my eyes swollen, and my chest felt heavy.

I kept thinking about how Pressure hadn’t even looked my way.

Not a glance, not a word, nothing. It was like I didn’t even exist, and then to make it worse, his ex had his full-blown attention.

She was cute but she wasn’t all that, and that’s just me being real as hell.

I wanted to cuss him out, to tell him to stop playing with me if he wasn’t serious, but at the same time I wanted him to just walk through the door and hold me until I calmed down.

That was the kind of confusion he put me in.

One minute I wanted to be done, the next minute I was ready to fight tooth and nail for him.

A soft knock tapped against the door. My whole body tensed up because the last thing I felt like doing was talking to anybody. I pulled the blanket over my head, hoping whoever it was would just go away. The knock came again, a little louder this time, but I didn’t move.

Then the handle twisted and the door creaked open slow. I sat up quick, wiping my face with the back of my hand, and saw Toni Roc slipping inside like I had invited her. She didn’t even ask if she could come in. She just shut the door behind her and walked over to the bed with this bag in her hand.

“Damn, you look pitiful as hell,” Toni said, plopping down right beside me like we had been cool for years. She tossed the bag onto the blankets and leaned back on her palms, staring at me with that laid-back grin she always carried.

I sniffed and turned my face away because I didn’t want her seeing I’d been crying. “I don’t feel like talking right now.”

“That’s too bad,” she said, not budging an inch. “Because I’m not leavin’ you in here to drown in your feelings. You got way too much fire to be hidin’ under blankets like this.”

I frowned, side-eyeing the bag she had dropped. “What’s that?”

Toni smirked and pulled it open. “Some green to take the edge off. Figured you needed it.”

I sat up straighter, narrowing my eyes. “Where the hell you get weed from in here?”

Her grin stretched wider, like she had been waiting for me to ask that. “Ran into Kay’Lo in the hall. We chopped it up for a minute and he blessed me with a lil’ somethin’. Even threw in some swishers.” She held up the blunt wraps like she had won the lottery.

I couldn’t help it—I laughed, the sound coming out rough because my throat was raw from crying. “Girl, you wild. You really just went and hit Kay’Lo up for weed?”

“Didn’t have to hit him up for nothin’. He offered.

He said he don’t like seein’ the vibe all tense in here.

” She shrugged like it was nothing, but her eyes stayed on me like she was making sure her words landed.

“Look, I know you feelin’ some type of way right now.

You almost went home earlier, and that shit stings, but you didn’t.

You still here. That mean you got another day or two to do somethin’ different, make a new impression.

Don’t waste that sittin’ up in this bed cryin’ over what could’ve been. ”

I hated that she was right, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. “I don’t know, Toni. I’m tired. Tired of all this shit. Tired of fighting, tired of feeling like this nigga don’t see me.”

Toni leaned forward, her voice softer now. “Then make him see you. Pressure ain’t blind. If you want him, you gotta fight for him, but not like this. Not lookin’ like you already gave up.”

Her words dug into me deeper than I expected. I had told myself a hundred times that I was going to fight for Pressure no matter what, but I hadn’t realized how much I had already started surrendering. Sitting here crying wasn’t me. That wasn’t who I was.

I took a deep breath and finally pushed the blanket off. My legs felt heavy, but I swung them over the side of the bed and sat up. “You really think smoking with you gon’ fix this?”

Toni laughed, loud and warm. “It might not fix it, but it’ll keep you from bein’ all sad and shit. Plus, I’m good company.”

I shook my head, but for the first time all night I felt a little lighter. “Fine. Let me at least fix myself up first. I ain’t about to be outside looking a mess.”

I grabbed my brush off the nightstand and pulled my hair back into a ponytail, smoothing down the edges until I looked more like myself again. Toni watched me with that easy smile, not rushing me, just letting me take my time. When I stood up, she hopped off the bed and grabbed the bag.

“Come on, girl,” she said, nudging my shoulder. “The night ain’t over yet.”

I followed her out the room, feeling like maybe I could breathe again.

We walked down the hall together, and for the first time since Ka’mari had walked through those doors, I didn’t feel like falling apart.

Toni had been right. I was still in the house, and as long as I was still here, I had a chance.

We pushed open the back door and stepped out into the warm night, the bag of weed in Toni’s hand and a new sense of fight building back inside me.

I ain’t gon’ lie, if or when I do leave, I’m gon’ miss it here,” Toni Roc said.

I glanced at her and replied, “Hell, the way you talking, it seems like you’re ready to leave.”

She laughed a little, the blunt hanging between her fingers while smoke slipped from her lips.

We were sitting outside on the back patio, the pool lights glowing blue across the water and bugs buzzing low in the grass.

The night air was warm, and after a couple drinks we had brought out in plastic cups, everything felt looser.

I leaned back against the chair, dragging slow on the blunt once she passed it to me.

“Nah, it ain’t that,” she said, taking it back from me after a few pulls.

“It’s just, I understand what this is. We ain’t here forever, Kash.

It’s a competition. I like him, I do, but I gotta guard my heart.

I can’t be actin’ like I don’t know what I signed up for.

” She tapped the blunt, then grinned. “And in the meantime, I’m enjoyin’ the ride.

Shit, we gettin’ treated like princesses, eatin’ good every day, drinkin’ free, sleepin’ in big ass rooms, gettin’ bags and shoes handed to us like candy.

I can’t complain. This experience alone worth somethin’. ”

I looked at her and shook my head. “I don’t get how you can be in here with all of us, looking at him every day, and not feel some type of way.”

Toni shrugged like it was easy. “Because I know better. If he pick me, he pick me. If not, then I leave with memories. Either way, I win.”

Her words sat in my chest a little heavier than I wanted them to.

I didn’t have it in me to just shrug shit off like that.

I could laugh and party with the others, but deep down, it was getting harder to play it cool.

Pressure wasn’t just some nigga to me, he was the one I wanted, and I wasn’t good at pretending otherwise.

I smiled at Roc and turned my eyes back ahead, staring out over the yard while the smoke wrapped soft around us.

The weed had my body calming down, but the liquor was doing the opposite, pulling old feelings forward and making me miss him more than I wanted to admit.

I sipped the mix in my cup, the liquor burning but the juice sweet enough to make it easy to keep going.

“See, you overthinkin’,” Roc said, breaking my thoughts. “You too deep in your feelings. That’s why you ain’t enjoying it like me.”

I chuckled a little and lifted my cup. “Maybe you right. Or maybe you just don’t feel him like I do.”

She smirked, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she took another pull from the blunt and handed it back to me. We sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping and smoking, both lost in our own heads.

Then the sound of the sliding door opening broke up the quiet.

I looked up and saw Kay’Lo stepping out with the phone pressed to his ear.

He was talking low, but his eyes went straight to Roc, and the way they locked eyes made me squint.

It wasn’t nothing obvious, but it was just enough to make me notice.

Roc tilted her head, smirking like she knew something I didn’t, and the two of them shared a quick moment before Kay’Lo finally shifted his attention to me.

He lifted his chin slightly and said, “Phone for you.”

I frowned, confused, but I reached out and took it. The smell of his cologne lingered all over it. Hello?”

“Kash.”

The sound of Pressure’s voice made my stomach flip instantly. His tone was low, smooth, and deep like he was sitting right next to me instead of on the other end of the line. I swallowed hard, closing my eyes for a second.

“Yeah?” My voice came out softer than I meant.

“I was just checkin’ on you,” he said, like it was nothing, but the weight of it pressed straight through me.

I shifted in my chair, glancing at Roc who was trying not to look like she was listening. “I don’t even know what to say,” I told him.

“You ain’t gotta say shit. I just wanted to make sure you was straight.”

My chest warmed instantly, and I bit my lip. “You play too much. You know what you doin’.”

He sighed low, and the sound had me squeezing my thighs together right in front of Toni and Kay’Lo. “What I’m doin’?” he asked, his voice dragging smooth like he wanted to push the conversation somewhere else.

“You know,” I said, shaking my head even though he couldn’t see it. “Calling me out the blue like this. Acting like everything normal.”

“Man, chill out,” he replied calmly. “You actin’ like I can’t check on you. Regardless of whatever, a nigga do care and got love for you.”

I breathed out, my eyes closing again. “You can’t just say shit like that.”

“I can say whatever the fuck I want,” he said, his voice dropping lower. “You know what it is with me.”

I smiled, even though I tried not to.

There was a pause between us, like the space between us was full but unspoken.

“You good though?” he asked finally, his tone softer but still strong.

“Yeah,” I said after a second. “I mean, I guess. I don’t even know where we stand.”

“You don’t need to,” he told me. “Just know whatever happens, my feelin’s is real. That’s all you need to worry about.”

His words hit me harder than I expected, and I felt myself clinging to them even though I didn’t want to. I didn’t respond, because I didn’t trust what might slip out if I did.

He let the silence ride for a moment before saying, “I’mma let you go, but remember what I said.”

I nodded slowly. “Alright.”

I handed the phone back to Kay’Lo, who was still standing there. He lifted it back to his ear, said a few “yeahs” and “bets,” then ended the call. He slid the phone in his pocket and looked at Roc, his eyes steady on her for a moment.

“If you need more of that, let me know,” he said, jerking his chin toward the blunt sitting on the table.

Roc nodded, and he walked away, leaving me staring after him with a hundred questions in my head.

I wanted to ask Toni what the hell that was about, because it felt like I was missing something in the way they had looked at each other.

But my mind was too full of Pressure, his voice still rolling in my head like my favorite love song.

Whatever Kay’Lo and Roc had going on could wait.

My heart was already caught up in another mess, and I didn’t even know where me and Pressure went from here.

I sipped my drink again, feeling the buzz slide deeper into my body. Roc leaned back, staring off with a smirk like she was thinking about something she wasn’t ready to share. I didn’t push her. My own thoughts were loud enough, and every single one of them led back to Pressure.