Page 10 of Certified Pressure 2

Trill-Land, Jungle Estate

I was sitting in the living room talking to my mama on the phone and I just couldn’t stop my tears.

It was crazy how she could hear me crying and still not soften her voice or give me the comfort I was looking for.

I thought maybe if I told her everything that was going on inside this house, maybe she would finally be the one person on my side, but that wasn’t how the conversation was going.

“I told you not to go out there in the first place,” she said, her voice sharp and heavy with judgment. “I told you that man wasn’t gon’ choose you. What did you think was gon’ happen, Kashmere? You thought you was special?”

Her words cut straight down the middle of my heart. “Mama, why you always gotta do me like this? I’m sittin’ here tryna open up to you, and instead of hearing me out, you just tear me down.”

“You tore yourself down, baby girl. Don’t no man respect a woman that easy. You gave it up too fast and now look where you at. Don’t no real man want a loose woman.”

I pressed the phone tighter to my ear, almost like I needed to hear it again to make sure I wasn’t tripping.

My chest burned because I couldn’t believe this was really the advice my own mama had for me.

“So that’s all you see me as? Some loose woman?

I’m your daughter, and that’s all you got to say to me? ”

“Kashmere, don’t start with me. I raised you, good and spoiled that hell out of you. I gave you everything I had. You always been hardheaded, always thought you knew better than me. Now you sitting there crying, and for what? I told you how this would play out.”

I wiped my face with the back of my hand, even though the tears kept sliding down anyway.

“You ain’t never supported me, Mama. Every time I tell you something about my life, you always got something negative to say.

I came to you ‘cause I thought maybe this time you would fuckin’ surprise me, but no.

It’s the same shit it’s always been. You don’t even try to understand me. ”

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” she said flatly. She dragged the word “sorry” out like it didn’t even belong in her mouth. “But I’m just telling you the truth. Ain’t no sense in lying to you just to make you feel better. You not built for that man, Kashmere. You shoulda known that.”

The way she said it broke something inside me.

She wasn’t apologizing. She was just excusing herself.

I could hear it. I could feel it. And I hated that I even expected more.

My throat ached, and I could barely keep my voice from shaking when I said, “You always find a way to remind me that I ain’t enough for nobody. Not even you.”

“Kashmere—”

I didn’t give her the chance to finish. I hung up, slamming the damn phone down.

My hands were trembling as I pressed them to my face.

Everything she said kept replaying in my head.

Loose woman. Not enough. Should’ve known better.

It was like she wanted to see me crumble, and I was giving her exactly what she wanted.

I leaned back against the cushion and let it all out.

The sobs came from a place so deep I didn’t even know I was holding that much pain inside.

I cried for how much I wanted to be chosen, how much I wanted to be loved, how much I wanted just one person to say they saw me and I was worth it.

I cried because Pluto wasn’t even here, and still I felt like I had lost her, like our friendship was never gon’ be the same.

And as much as I wanted to be mad at her for taking all the attention, all I could do was miss what we used to have.

The more I cried, the more the reality hit me that Pressure probably wasn’t thinking about me at all.

He was most likely with Pluto, holding her, listening to her, loving her in the ways I dreamed of.

That thought tore me apart until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I buried my face in my hands, rocking myself because nobody else was here to do it.

Minutes passed, maybe longer. My head was pounding from the tears, and I felt drained, like my body was giving up on me.

But something inside told me I couldn’t stay here on the couch all day.

I had to pull myself together, at least enough to face whatever was coming.

So I pushed myself up, wiped my swollen eyes, and walked toward the hallway.

My bare feet padded across the floor, and I was halfway down the hall when I heard the front door creak open. My heart jumped, and I turned my head slowly, almost afraid of what I might see.

Pressure stood there in the doorway. His presence filled the whole space without him even saying a word.

His eyes looked heavy, and for the first time, I realized he was carrying something just as heavy as me.

He looked at me, and I looked back at him, and in that silence, we both said more than words could.

We were both broken in our own ways, both trying to figure out how to keep moving without falling apart.

I wanted to run to him. I wanted to curse him out, to demand answers, and I wanted to disappear all at once. But my body chose something different. I turned away, quick and sharp, before my tears could start again. My feet carried me down the hall, and I didn’t dare look back. I couldn’t.

When I finally reached my room, I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, breathing hard.

My hands were still shaking, but this time it wasn’t just from weakness.

It was everything from anger, hurt and confusion swirling inside me with no way out.

I slid down to the floor and let my head fall back against the wood.

I whispered to myself, “Something gotta give.”

I didn’t know what, and I didn’t know how, but I knew I couldn’t keep feeling like this. Not about Pressure, about Pluto, and not about myself. The weight of it all was pressing down so heavy I felt like I was disappearing piece by piece.

So, I just sat there in the quiet, tears still wet on my face, knowing deep down that whatever happened next, it couldn’t keep going like this. Something had to change, even if I didn’t have the strength to figure it out right now.

Later that night…

After wiping my tears and managing to pull myself together, I decided to put Pressure’s chef to use.

I had cried so much that my head hurt and my eyes felt sore, but I told myself I wasn’t about to keep wasting the night like that.

I walked into the kitchen and told them exactly what I wanted—a thick steak cooked medium, buttery potatoes on the side, and a pan of cabbage just the way I liked it.

They didn’t ask questions, just nodded and went to work.

The smell that started filling the room reminded me I hadn’t eaten all day.

By the time I sat down, and the food was in front of me, I already felt a little better.

The steak was seasoned perfectly, the cabbage was tender and full of flavor, and the potatoes melted in my mouth.

I sat there with my plate and let myself enjoy it, because food had a way of calming me when nothing else could.

When I finished, I wanted a drink. Not just a little sip either.

I wanted something that would actually settle my nerves.

I went into the bar area and poured myself a glass of D’USSE’, mixing it with lemonade and a few cubes of ice.

The first sip burned my throat just right, but when it settled in my chest, I could feel the edge of my stress loosening.

By the second glass, I felt it warming me up enough that my shoulders dropped and the tension in my back eased.

I decided that was exactly what I needed tonight—good food, a little liquor, and peace.

With that in mind, I went upstairs and changed into something that would make me feel better about myself.

I pulled out the gold bikini I had packed.

The two-piece shimmered under the light when I held it up, and I knew it would look good against my skin.

I slipped it on and checked myself in the mirror.

My body had always been one of the things I was proud of, no matter what anybody said.

I grabbed my second drink and finished it while looking at myself one more time, telling myself I was still that girl no matter what.

Before heading outside, I filled up a cooler with ice, the bottle of D’USSE’ and lemonade.

I carried it all out to the pool deck, ready to spend the night by myself without anybody else’s energy fucking with me.

I set the cooler by the hot tub, poured a third drink, and slid into the bubbling water.

The heat wrapped around me instantly, and I sank down until the water reached my shoulders.

The liquor had me buzzing, the jets eased the tension in my muscles, and for once I didn’t hear anybody’s voice in my head.

I wasn’t worried about nobody in the mansion, not Ka’mari, and not even my mama’s harsh words that usually echoed the loudest. It was just me and the sound of water.

I sat like that for a while, sipping my drink and staring up at the sky.

The longer I sat, the calmer I felt. It almost didn’t feel real, like I was floating in a place where none of the drama mattered.

I had told myself I was going to chill all night if I wanted to, and that was exactly what I planned to do.

Some time passed, and I tilted my head back against the edge, ready to pour another drink, when something made me look up.

That was when I saw Pressure. He was standing on his balcony above me, smoking and watching.

The smoke curled around him before drifting off into the night, and even from down below I could see the way his eyes locked on me.

My heart started fluttering, and I hated that it did because I had promised myself not to give him that kind of power anymore.

I quickly turned my back to him, pretending I didn’t notice, and that I was just fine sitting here by myself.

But even as I turned away, I could feel his stare heavy on me, and no amount of pretending could erase what it did to me.

I picked up my cup, drained what was left, and decided to distract myself.

The pool was right there beside the hot tub, clear and blue under the lights, and I figured a swim would help clear my head.

I slipped out of the hot tub, dipped my toes into the pool, and slid in.

The cool water made me gasp, but then it felt refreshing after sitting in all that heat.

I pushed off from the side and dipped my head under, letting the water cover me completely.

For a few seconds, it was like I had escaped everything.

Then I came back up for air, flipped my hair back, and swam to the other end.

I did it again and again, going under and coming back up, my body moving through the water with ease.

The more I swam, the lighter I felt, almost like I was washing the day off me.

I stayed like that for several minutes, dipping under the water, stretching my arms out, and then coming back up.

Finally, when I came up for air and pushed the water from my eyes, I froze.

Pressure was standing right there at the ledge, close enough now that I couldn’t ignore him even if I wanted to.

He wasn’t on the balcony anymore. He was right above me, dressed in a pair of black silk pajama slacks that clung to his frame.

His chest was bare, dark skin shining under the pool lights, tattoos sharp across his muscles.

A blunt was resting between his fingers, and he was holding a box in his other hand.

It was wrapped in matte black paper with a bright red bow sitting on top.

He looked so good it almost pissed me off, because my mama’s words came back to me—telling me I was too loose with him, that I gave it up too easy, that no man wanted a woman who couldn’t hold herself. I told myself to keep it cool.

I swam to the edge, pulled myself out of the water, and walked back over to the hot tub. I sank into the warmth again and leaned my head back like I didn’t care, like I hadn’t just seen him standing there looking like every weakness I had.

Pressure moved closer and sat down on the ledge of the hot tub. He didn’t say much at first. He just let the smoke from his blunt rise up, then extended the box toward me.

“What’s this?” I asked, eyeing him and then the box.

“Just open it,” he said simply. His voice was calm, low, and it carried like he knew I would do what he said.

I took a sip from my cup, set it down on the side, and reached for the box. My hands felt shaky even though I tried to play it off. I tugged at the bow, peeled back the paper, and opened it.

Inside was a brand new iPhone, shining under the light. My chest tightened immediately because I knew exactly what this was about. Not long ago, he had broken my old one. He slammed it against the wall so hard the screen shattered into pieces, and I had been left without it.

I swallowed hard, trying not to let the tears come, because the gesture caught me off guard. He hadn’t said sorry, but he didn’t have to. This was his way of making it right.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice barely above the water’s bubbling sound.

He didn’t respond right away. He just leaned back, dragging on his blunt, his eyes never leaving me. It felt like the two of us were sitting in the moment together, not arguing, not fighting, not ignoring each other like we had been. We was just…. existing.

And for once, that was enough to make me breathe a little easier.