Page 12 of Certified Pressure 2

Trill-Land, Jungle Estate

I was three days in without seein’ or hearin’ from Pluto and that shit literally had a nigga chest hurtin’.

I hated how the shit felt. My lungs felt like they was closin’ up every time I tried to smoke.

I set the blunt down more than I lit it.

I stared at the ceilin’ and thought about Zurie layin’ in some hospital bed, and about Pluto tryin’ to be strong for her.

I had women right downstairs who would have let me do whatever, but I ain’t touched nobody.

I couldn’t. I wanted my mind to forget about this damn girl, but my heart kept reachin’ for her.

It made me feel weak and I ain’t like that at all.

I picked my phone up and called my mama ’cause she was the only person who never judged me when I talked reckless and honest. She answered on the first ring, happy like she always was when she heard my voice.

“My baby,” she said, warm and calm. “I’ve been waiting on you to call me.”

“I been busy,” I said. “These eliminations ain’t what I thought. I figured it would be easy to get down to who I like, but it’s been messy. My head been heavy behind it.”

She laughed a little. “If you had let me and your father pick your wife, you would not be goin’ through this.”

That made me smile. “Yeah right. Y’all was tryna line me up with a Nun. You know that is not me.”

She laughed for real then, and it eased me. I took a breath and told her what I had been holdin’.

“Ma, Ka’mari came back. She in my house again.”

There was silence for a moment before she asked, “And how does that make you feel, Pressure?”

“I don’t even know,” I admitted. “Part of me felt nothin’. Part of me feel everything. I ain’t got a clean answer.”

Her voice was calm, and graceful, but every word carried weight.

“Familiarity is powerful, son, but familiar does not always mean safe. I recognize that Ka’mari has endured pain of her own—pain that has marked her just as much as it marked you.

I do not dismiss that, nor do I blame her for breaking beneath the weight of it.

But do not confuse compassion with obligation.

You cannot bind yourself to her grief simply because she was once yours. ”

I stayed quiet, listenin’…

“She chose another man in her time away,” my mother continued, her tone calm, almost regal.

“That was her path, and you must not forget that. The hurt she carries may mirror your own, but that does not mean her presence in your life is destined. You must choose with clarity, not nostalgia. Choose someone who will be good to you, good to your future children, respectful to me, and obedient to the Most High. Love is not only about what we want, Pressure—it is about what we need.”

I let her words settle, but the silence stretched heavy. “I hear you,” I said finally. “I needed that.”

She sighed, softer now. “Still, I cannot help but wonder if what binds you to her is more than memory. Perhaps it is what you both lost. You never allowed yourself to grieve the death of your son.”

I gripped the phone tighter, my chest heating. “Ma, I don’t wanna talk about that.”

“You would rather pretend it didn’t happen,” she said gently, “but avoiding the truth does not erase it. Until you face it, it will always be the unspoken shadow between you two.”

“Ma, I don’t know what you talkin’ about,” I muttered, shuttin’ it down.

Her pause was long. Then she said, “One day, son, you will have to come to terms with it…whether you are ready or not.”

“Ma, please…” I whispered, damn near beggin’ her to chill.

She already knew I didn’t talk about this shit. She knew I hated it, and she knew I wanted to move on and forget it altogether.

“Okay, son. I’ll change the subject. Do you want me to come meet these girls?” she asked, like she already planned to do it.

“I do,” I said. “I been havin’ a hard time pickin’ right. If you and Pops slide through, you can read ‘em quick and tell me what’s real.”

“Consider it done,” she said. “It is important to me to meet the woman who will marry into this family. We will come soon.”

“Bet,” I replied, feelin’ relieved as hell.

We said we loved each other and hung up. I felt lighter. Not fixed. Just lighter. I rubbed my chest and reached for the blunt again, then left it alone.

A knock hit the door, and before I could say come in, it opened. Ka’mari stepped in like the room like we still shared it. She looked good. I saw it and kept my face plain. She carried a cup of coffee and walked to my bed.

“I made it how you like it,” she said.

I took the cup and nodded. “I appreciate it.”

“You good?” she asked.

“I’m straight.”

We sat quiet. Steam curled from the cup, and she watched me like she was huntin’ for a sign I would not give. Then she spoke again.

“I don’t think Toni Roc is here for you.”

My chest tightened. I set the cup down and looked at her. “I ain’t tryna hear shit about nobody else right now. If you came in here to run names, take that coffee back and find the door.”

Her mouth pulled tight. “You are so cruel to me now.”

“Cruel?” I stared at her and shook my head. “You really thought I was about to treat you like a princess after you lived with another nigga for almost two years? That’s not how this shit work, Ka’mari. You walk in like you still got rank. That’s entitlement like a muthafucka.”

She swallowed and looked right back. “And you don’t have the same complex?

You forget the way you acted when I tried to move on?

You showed up everywhere I went. You blew up my phone.

You beat Donovan in front of people like you needed everybody to see who ran me.

If I was so wrong and so toxic, why couldn’t you let me go? ”

I felt my jaw lock. “You called me to your crib when that bitch ass nigga put hands on you, and I came ‘cause you asked me. Don’t rewrite this shit like I was beggin’. And if I really made your life hell, what you doin’ sittin’ on my bed right now?”

She blinked and held her ground. “I didn’t come to fight, Pressure.”

“You do it easy though,” I said.

“I love you,” she said. Her voice thinned, and it hit a part of me I wished would stay numb.

“But I do not love your temper. Even when I got engaged, I knew I would never love another man like I love you. I tried to move on. I thought I could want what looked safe. Clearly, I couldn’t.

I know I messed up. I know I hurt you. You hurt me too, but still… I don’t wanna be without you.”

I didn’t answer. I wouldn’t give her that.

I let the words sit between us and work on me in silence.

Memories ran on their own. I remembered mornings when she used to bring me coffee and sit on my lap while I checked numbers.

I remembered nights I swore I was done and then let her in anyway. I felt all of it and kept my face cold.

She reached up and slid her finger under my chin like she used to do. She tugged my beard a little and turned my head toward her. Her eyes stayed on mine like she wanted to pull the truth out by force.

“I love you, Pressure,” she said. She leaned in and kissed me. It was soft and short, more like a reminder than a promise. She stepped back and nodded at the cup. “Enjoy your coffee, and your day.”

She turned and walked out. The click of the door felt loud.

I looked down at the steam rollin’ off the top of the cup and shook my head.

My head dropped, and I let out a long breath I didn’t even know I was holdin’.

The ache in my chest sat there and refused to move.

I couldn’t tell if it came from love, habit, or just poison that I kept swallowin’ because it tasted like memory.

I rubbed my sternum and stared at the floor, quiet and stubborn, the way I had always been when somethin’ cut me, and I refused to bleed where anybody could see it.

Later that night…

I had been in my room all day, damn near in the same spot Ka’mari found me in.

My head was heavy, full of shit I ain’t feel like untanglin’, so I rolled me up another fat blunt and poured a glass of D’usse XO over ice.

That brown hit different when it’s cold.

It was smooth enough to calm me down but rich enough to remind me who the fuck I was.

I sat there for a minute lettin’ the cubes crack against the glass, then I grabbed it, stepped in the elevator, and told myself I needed some air before I lost it.

The second them doors slid open, and I hit the front steps, I felt the stillness.

Out here the night don’t rush you. It just sit, quiet and peaceful as hell.

The estate was lit just enough to show off the fountains and marble paths, but the jungle sat right behind it, black and endless like it was guardin’ me.

I sparked up and let that first pull smack my lungs, slow walkin’ down the stone trail with my drink in one hand and my blunt in the other.

Love …That’s the word that’s been fuckin’ with me.

Niggas love to glorify it but if you ask me, love was some weak shit.

It ain’t never been nothin’ but headaches and heartbreaks, somethin’ designed to throw a king off his square.

But ever since Pluto walked her pretty ass in my life, I been losin’ more time thinkin’ than actin’, and that shit wasn’t sittin’ right with me.

I didn’t even know what the fuck to call it.

Obsession maybe. Or maybe I just hated the fact she had my chest heavy every time I breathed.

She ain’t reached for me since I left her side.

There wasn’t no messages or lil’ stunts like Ka’mari, just showin’ up on some wild shit.

Pluto was gone, and that silence been eatin’ me alive.

I kept askin’ myself if she missed me like I miss her, if she’s safe, if she even think about me when the night gets quiet.

And the answer never came, just the same damn ache.

While lettin’ Pluto set up condos in my damn head, I saw sonethin’ up ahead.

It was a curvy figure movin’ slow, the sway hittin’ like it was meant to hypnotize.

The way the moon bounced off that frame made my heart knock harder than before.

I stopped mid-step, blunt hangin’ from my lips, and glass cold in my hand. For a second, I swore it was Pluto.

The closer she came, the harder my chest beat, like I was about to wake up from the dream I been stuck in. Every curve screamed her name, every shadow made me believe she had found her way back to me. My hand twitched like it wanted to reach for her already.

But the closer she got, the truth punched me dead in the face. It wasn’t Pluto.

It was Kashmere…

She looked surprised to see me, but I could tell she ain’t wanna show it.

She just stood there for a second, her shape bold under the moonlight, her eyes catchin’ mine before driftin’ to my glass.

She looked good as always. Her curves was sittin’ right, skin glowin’ and lips soft enough to make a man forget whatever the fuck had him pressed in the first place.

We ain’t say shit at first, just fell in step next to each other like the night pulled us together.

I dragged on my blunt, blew smoke in the air, then handed it over.

She wrapped her lips around it slow, pulled in, and for a moment I remembered everything—her head on my chest at night, her voice in my ear, the way our bodies used to snap together like we was built for that shit.

We started talkin’ then, light shit at first. After a while, her hand slid into mine. I ain’t stop her. I let her lace her fingers with mine, and let her remind me what her touch felt like… warm and possessive.

Her voice broke the quiet. “I miss sleepin’ in your bed.”

I didn’t hesitate. “I miss it too.”

She squeezed my hand tighter, slid her arm through mine, and then she was right there pullin’ me closer. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and when her lips hit the side of it, I had to close my eyes for a second. That flame we had… it was still there, and had always been there.

She wanted to stay the night, I could feel it before she even said it. And truth be told, my body was screamin’ fuck yes. My dick remembered her better than my mind did. But I shook my head and told her low, “Not tonight.”

The look on her face changed quick. “Something is off with you, and I don’t like it at all.”

I sighed. “Why everything gotta be a fight with you, Kash?”

She pulled back, heat in her voice. “’Cause you actin’ different, Pressure. You pushin’ me off, like I don’t know what’s goin’ on. Like I don’t know who you really thinkin’ about.”

Her words dug deep. I ain’t need her to say Pluto’s name out loud, but the way she said it lit me up. My jaw clenched as I snapped back, “Why everything always gotta come back to that? Why we can’t just be us? Damn.”

She stepped back, her eyes shinin’ with emotion, her voice raisin’. “’Cause you ain’t lettin’ us be us! You sick with games, Pressure. One day you all in, the next you treat me like I don’t even exist. Once again, you’re pushing me away. You not gon’ be satisfied till somebody get hurt.”

I grabbed her wrist hard when she tried to walk off, yankin’ her back to me. “Don’t fuckin’ walk away from me when I’m talkin.” My voice was sharp, cuttin’ through her tears.

She glared at me, her voice shakin’ but strong. “I’m sick of you, Pressure. Sick of this back and forth. Sick of bein’ the one holdin’ shit down while you out here actin’ confused like you don’t know where the fuck we stand! Ugh!”

I let out a heavy breath, lookin’ down at the stones beneath us before I finally said, “My mama and pops gon’ be here soon. You’ll meet ’em. What you show them gon’ tell me everything I need to know about where we goin’.”

That stopped her cold. The fire in her eyes dimmed, replaced with somethin’ else. She looked at me different, like I handed her a crown she didn’t know she wanted at this moment.”

“The impression you leave on my people gon’ determine if we make it or not,” I told her, lettin’ the weight of my words settle.

She nodded slow, humbled now and her eyes softenin’ in a way I wasn’t used to. I leaned down, pressed a kiss to her cheek, and whispered, “Goodnight.”

Then I walked off, leavin’ her in the glow of the estate lights while I headed back inside. My blunt was half-burnt, my drink was warm, and my heart still felt like it belonged to multiple people, no matter how much I tried to fight it.