Page 55 of Carver
“But it's the unknown,” Fury added, his voice confident. “It's not knowing exactly what he'll do and that lack of control has you on edge. It has you unsure.”
Gideon gave him a slow nod. He reached down for his water because his throat was starting to hurt again. All this talking was wearing him down. He could feel exhaustion settling over him again.
Fury must have noticed. “We don't have to keep going today. This is an excellent start. I’ve already learned a lot about what kind of headspace you're in and what we need to work on. I can pull together some materials for us that we can explore if you want. We can set up sessions once or twice a week. Whatever you're comfortable with. We'll meet here, and you can freely speak about what's been on your mind. Does that sound good?”
Gideon gave him a nod, but something was still bothering him.
"I don't know what to do about Carver," he said quickly.
"What do you mean?" Fury asked. "What is it you need to do?"
Gideon shrugged. He didn't have words for what he wanted to say. While he had been taught the English language in her home through different media types like videos and audiobooks, he didn't always pick up on context. Fury hadn't asked how he could communicate so well, and Gideon didn't want to have to use that many words to explain it either.
Fury waited a moment, then said, "Is it because you think that you owe him something or that you're obligated to be with him?"
"Oh no," Gideon answered. "I want to, but I'm afraid as well."
Fury hummed. "Yes, we've established that part of it. But I do think that maybe some time away from the boss would be good for you."
Gideon's eyes widened. He wasn't a fan of the idea.
He also understood that being around Carver all the time would only ramp up the desire felt.
"It would do more harm than good to keep you together," Fury said. "If you were to give in to temptation and something happened, it could set you both back. It could cause strife between the two of you when you've just begun to form this.”
Fury waved his arm around.
"Whatever this is between the two of you, I'm not a relationship coach. I'm a therapist."
Gideon could feel his lips starting to tip into a smile. He forced himself to stop, unsure if he wanted to give that much of himself away just yet.
Besides, he sort of wanted Carver to be the one to see his happiness. Because all of it was thanks to Carver. Thanks to the Angels, really. But Carver was the leader of them, which meant he got most of the credit.
“Why don't we see about moving you into the room beside Carver's again? I think you don't want to do anything like you did before, right?”
Gideon nodded, knowing what Fury was suggesting. “I only did that because I thought I had to. Because I didn't want to be trapped somewhere like before with her.” His words came out with a croak. His voice shut down as memories tore through him. He squeezed his eyes and clenched his fists as he tried to force them away.
He made himself think of Carver. Of the room they’d shared and the way his touch felt. He thought of his bath from earlier and how comfortable the clothes he wore felt. He reached up andtouched his neck, feeling the collar there and being reassured that everything was going to be okay no matter what happened.
When he opened his eyes again, Fury was watching him. "Better?" Fury asked.
Gideon nodded.
Fury continued, saying, "As I was trying to explain, I think you should go into the room beside him so that he's close enough if you have a nightmare, but you're also far enough away to create a sense of space. That or we put an extra bed in Carver's room. I'm not sure how much good it would do because he would probably just climb into that one with you if I'm being honest. I saw the way the man watched you when you came to talk to me earlier."
Gideon tilted his head to the side since his voice had given out. Fury understood and chuckled.
“You'll see it soon enough I'm sure. The boss is smitten. More than that, he's protective. So keeping you close is paramount but that space is necessary. I'm also going to see about putting you on some medicine to help balance things out. I believe you've got some anxiety and likely some depression from everything that's happened to you. There might also be other things happening. We'll go over that before we wrap up this session, but I've got things I think that would help you. We'll experiment until we get it right.”
Gideon wasn't sure how he felt about it. Forcing himself to speak, he said, “Drugs?”
Fury's eyes went wide. “Not drugs like you're suggesting. No cocaine or meth or anything like that. These are prescriptions. Pills that will help you find that peace within yourself. They may be temporary. We might only use them for a short time to help you as we show you your life away from that place, or it could be something you take for the rest of your life because you find it's better that way. No matter what the choice, I think it's a goodplace to start. We'll also try to get you outside more. Maybe some sunlight and a healthy diet will also aid in everything.”
Gideon simply nodded along. He wasn't quite sure what else to say. He'd come looking for advice on how he could let his body lead him and to get Carver to trust him.
But he was leaving with medicines and talk times and all types of other questions.
Fury moved back over to the bookshelf and pulled down some paperwork. He then proceeded to ask question after question. They were all somewhat curious. Gideon had never been asked “did he hear voices” or “was he feeling safe in his current condition.”