Page 51 of Carver

By peace agreement, Carver meant the time it took his father to track him down. Once he’d been located, the Angels came in with guns blazing to rescue Carver. Too bad the damage had been done.

“They’d used me as a punching bag that whole time. On top of the physical violence, I was warned to behave or else they’d let some of the older, seedier men have their way with me. It didn’t go that far — thank fuck.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. Even shortening the story of what he’d been through to its shortest form left him reeling. That sense of hopelessness and fear was still present even decades later.

Sure, it was a memory. But memories werefucking powerful.

“I’m telling you this because I want you to know I’m here, and I’ve been through something similar to what I believe you have. While everyone heals differently, it would be foolish of me to do anything with you past what just happened in the bathroom without a deeper discussion. There’s also…”

Carver’s voice trailed off as emotion choked him. Telling his own truth would be hard. Admitting he knew Gideon’s past was even harder.

“There’s also the fact that we know who you are.”

Gideon’s eyes widened.

“Gideon Gatz.”

At his full name, Carver’s sweet boy froze. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, yet he didn’t. His brow furrowed and his shoulders hunched forward.

Carver dropped to his knees, much like he had when they spoke, to make himself less intimidating. He needed to reassure Gideon there was nothing to be ashamed of or anything to fear. Not when the Angels were on his side.

“Knowing who you are hasn’t changed things for me. I still want you here. I still want to help you.” Carver sucked in a breath. His fists balled up on his knees, where he forced his hands to remain as to not reach out for his boy. “I know I should have mentioned it the moment we found out. I just… couldn’t. I wanted more time.”

Time for what, though.

To play pretend.

To be the hero.

To lie to himself.

Carver shook his head. “You’re a gorgeous man, Gideon. I would have to be blind to not see it. My body and heart reacted the moment I saw you. But it’s not right for me to pursue anything with you. You might be a legal adult, but I don’t know anything else about you that didn’t come from Trix digging it up. I refuse to add to whatever pain you experienced because I’m selfish.”

His breaths came quickly after rushing those words out. He needed to say it all at once or else he’d lose his nerve.

A hand on his cheek made his eyes pop open. Gideon’s fingers trailed along his jaw. The single connection felt as if his body were drowning in pleasure.

He’d never had such a powerful reaction to anyone else. Why did it have to be Gideon? Why did their circumstances have to be so difficult?

If they’d met any other way, he’d have asked the man out in an instant. They’d have been in bed together before the night was through — so long as consent was given — and maybe even moved in with one another by month’s end.

He could feel the truth of it in his bones.

Gideon was special. He was Carver’s. And Carver was his.

Except those were only hopeful thoughts. Delusions of a man enamored with the person he’d rescued. It wasn’t reality.

Not yet,that hopeful voice inside of him claimed.

“No.”

The voice was nothing more than a rasp. Carver froze, his body and mind not comprehending what he just heard. Blinking to clear his thoughts, he looked at Gideon closely.

“Did… did you just tell me no?”

Gideon nodded.

“No to what, sweet boy? I don’t understand. Do you want me to leave? I don’t want to upset you,” Carver said quickly.