Page 77 of C is for Comfort

“A friend?” Lexi asks, tilting her head.

I haven’t told her about Spence. After Caroline left and I actually wanted to start seeing other people again, I promised myself I wouldn’t parade boyfriends or girlfriends in front of Lexi unless I knew it was going to last. As great as things feel with Spence now, I have no clue whether we’ll want to keep seeing each other a month or a year from now. I thought things were going to last with Caroline—we had a kid together, we lived together, I asked her to marry me—yet our relationship fell apart in a heartbeat.

“Yes.”

“You don’t want to play with me anymore.” Lexi sniffs, and I’m convinced she’s going to start wailing.

“That’s not true,” I say.

“Daddy loves spending time with you,” Blake says. “But he has grown-up friends he wants to spend time with too.”

Lexi’s sniffing gets louder.

“You like spending time with your friends, don’t you?” Blake asks.

Lexi nods. “Yes.”

“And you and Daddy are going to have plenty of time to hang out next week.”

“Why?”

“It’s the half-term break, pudding,” I say, crouching down. I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “But it’s okay. I’ll stay home this evening and play with you. What did you use to make the helmets?”

“We need a box, scissors, tin foil, stickers, and glue.”

“Okay, do you want to get everything together?”

Lexi nods. “But not the scissors,” she says solemnly.

“No, not the scissors. I’ll get those.”

She skips off to gather supplies.

“Are you okay with staying home?” Blake asks, taking his helmet off.

I shrug and sit on the sofa. “Yeah.”

Blake raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“I haven’t spent enough time with Lexi this week. I’ve been out twice already.”

“And you missed out on what? Bath and bedtime on Tuesday? You’re not neglecting Lexi.”

My head knows that, but my heart is aching from the knowledge Lexi thinks I don’t want to spend time with her. I really should be putting her first.

“I know. I know.”

“So go out, as planned.”

I shake my head. “I’ve told her I’m staying now.”

Blake sighs. I know he doesn’t get it. How can he? He doesn’t have to think about anyone but himself. I run my hands over my face. I’m not being fair to my brother. He does think about other people all the time, especially Lexi. And me.

“Can you watch Lexi for me one evening next week?” I ask. “Spence is off from Tuesday.”

“Sure. I’ll take her for a whole day if you want me to.”

I’m not sure that would go down well with Lexi. She loves spending time with Blake, but he’s not me.