Page 30 of C is for Comfort

“What do you need?” Archie asks once my sobbing has stopped.

“Sleep.” I rub my face. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

I gesture to myself.

“I’d be more worried if you weren’t upset,” Blake says. “Hell, my heart has been in my throat since I found out Lexi had been hurt.”

“She’s going to be okay,” Archie says. “You survived a broken wrist.”

I laugh. “That’s true. Thanks, guys. I’m going to try and get some sleep.”

“Want company?”

When we were young kids, right up into our early teens, we would curl up in bed together when one of us was upset. We haven’t done it in years, but right now, having my brothers close is appealing.

“Sure.”

We go upstairs, take it in turns to use the bathroom, and go to our separate rooms to get ready for bed. I strip to my boxers and crawl under my quilt. I’m tired, but when I close my eyes, I see Lexi cradling her arm and sobbing. I open them again and stare at the ceiling, my hand flopping over the pillow above my head. Archie comes into my room, wearing boxers and a T-shirt, and lies beside me, on top of the covers. Blake is next, wearing a purple satin onesie, which is basically a vest top and shorts combined. He turns the light out and lies on the other side of me. They rest their heads on my shoulders. We don’t talk, and soon I’m aware that they’ve fallen asleep.

I wish I could drift off too, but I can’t get my thoughts to be quiet. They’re full of Lexi and if she’s going to cope at school tomorrow. I’m tempted to keep her off, even though there’s no need. I’m also not sure how I’ll cope with teaching when I’m stressed out beyond belief. I need to relax. I need to find a way to still the thoughts running through my head.

I lean over Blake to reach my phone and the scrap of paper underneath it. I use the light from my phone screen to read Spence’s number so I can type it in. It’s dumb to message him, but I do it anyway.

Corey:Hi.

I stare at my screen, but there’s no response. He’s probably still working or ignoring my text. Wait. He doesn’t knowmynumber.

Corey:It’s Corey.

Spence:Ah, and there was I thinking I had a random stalker. How are you?

Corey:Tired.

Spence:I bet. Me too. Long days all round.

Corey:Sorry. I’ll let you sleep.

Spence:Do you need to talk?

I glance at my brothers. They’re illuminated by the soft glow from my phone. Archie is splayed out on his back, face turned away from me. Blake is curled on his side, his hand lying on my stomach. Talking isn’t what I need right now. What I need is to feel as relaxed as I did on Friday night when Spence was doing all kinds of deliriously delicious things to me.

Corey:I need you to fuck me.

I send the message quickly, expecting him to block me on the spot.

Spence:Now?

I’m not sure how to answer that. It certainly wasn’t the response I was expecting. Besides, I can’t sneak away. I have to be here for Lexi.

Corey:Sorry.

Spence:For what?

I hold my phone to my chest. My brain is too scrambled to do this right now. Not that I know whatthisis.

I don’t reply. Spence doesn’t send another text. It’s for the best. I don’t have time to hook up with him. If I’m not looking after Lexi, I’m teaching, planning, or marking. Maybe in a few years, when Lexi is more self-sufficient and I’ve got to grips with teaching, I’ll be able to hook up with someone for relaxing, mind-blowing sex. But right now, my daughter and my career are my priorities, not getting laid.