Page 27

“Aaahh!”

my little baby hollers for the fifth time.

I set the brush down on the easel.

“Okay, you’ve been patient.”

I drop a kiss onto the top of Sadé’s head and exit the sun room, turning left to go to the guest bath to wash my hands.

I’ve been working since six in the morning.

It doesn’t matter that we were out, dancing and drinking. Once my muse is stroked, I wake up whenever, and have to paint to get it all out.

And boy, have I been painting.

Sadé decided to get up with me, so after changing and feeding her, I strapped her into her harness and got to work on a fresh piece of pre-stretched canvas.

Hours later I’ve made some headway, but my baby is bored, and probably wants to see her daddy, so it’s a good time to take a break.

Nut is at the stove when I enter the kitchen after changing Sadé. I place her in her high chair and go to the fridge to get a bottle.

“Nut–”

“Nah,”

he cuts me off, flipping a pancake onto a plate.

“I’m not talking to you nor Choc for the day.”

“But–”

“I’m trying not to curse but you pushing it.”

He turns the burner off aggressively before folding his arms.

“Me and the kids and Ms. Sheryl going to Turk’s. You and Choc can think about what y’all did.”

He sets her plate in front of her before snatching the bottle from the bottle warmer and picking Sadé up.

“Denver! Ana?s! Say bye to y’all mama,”

he calls, walking out of the room.

Me and Choc lock eyes, and she shrugs.

“The way he was doing his shit last night, I need to go outside more often.”

We snicker as the kids run in, hugging and kissing us. I pick up Ana?s to tickle her and rain kisses on her.

“Unt unt, Lil Mama. TT Mace got the cooties,”

Denver’s smart ass smirks, and Ana?s squeals and wiggles to get out of my arms.

Nut comes back in with Sadé’s diaper bag in one hand and her in the other, now dressed for the day. I walk up to him, mushing his forehead while kissing my perfect girl on the forehead.

“You keep on and Ima be raising the babies on some Full House shit. Sadé not gone be evil and fast!”

He looks me up and down before shaking his head.

“Patrick, be nice.”

Dal walks up and kisses him goodbye, before shooing him and the kids out the door.

My eyes stretch, realizing we’re all alone. And when I catch the salacious grin on Dal’s face, I hightail it upstairs as fast as I can.

“Oh no, you don’t!”

Dal’s right on my heels, to the point where she slams into the door before I can even close it.

I back into the room, and she comes in, closing and leaning onto the door.

“Patrick told me a funny story last night,”

she muses.

That nigga really can’t hold water. I’m surprised he kept his engagement ring under wraps so long.

She grins wider, spreading her arms out across the door.

“He said he pulled up to the studio to get Denver, and when he pulled up the Jeep was rocking, like ‘like them cars on GTA when you pick up a ho.’ That’s a direct quote by the way.”

“How is that a funny story, Dallas?”

I fold my arms, but I can’t hold back my smile when she licks her teeth like they’re veneers.

“You took him down in the parking lot?”

I look around like it’s anyone else in the room before I rub my neck.

“Biiiiitch.”

She screams.

I hop up and scream.

We meet in the middle as I twerk and she hypes me up.

“! In the parking lot, bro?!”

I pop my imaginary collar and smirk.

“Chiiiiiiiiile.”

We sit on my bed and she pulls her legs beneath her.

“Okayyyyy I need details neow! Was it good? Ohmigod you haven’t hunched since you got pregnant huh?!”

“Dal, he fucked the shit out of me. Literally. I’m not gone be able to shit for at least a week.”

I lay back and sigh, my clit thumping as flashbacks of last night start playing in my mind.

“Okay, so what now?”

I sit up on my elbows.

“Whatchu mean?”

“Y’all fucked. It obviously was good. Are you gonna take the plunge?”

The excitement forming in her eyes is alarming to say the least.

“Why are you for this? You were just telling me to leave him alone.”

She tucks her lips in and grins and I know she’s finna tell me some bullshit.

“I mean… we always do the opposite of what we tell each other… it’s kind of our thing. I honestly think Shaddy would be good for you, and I know you’d be good for him.”

“Yeah? And why is that, Dal?”

She moves her legs so that she’s hugging them and rests her chin on her knees.

“You’re the only person who doesn’t baby him. I don’t know how, because he just evokes that out of people, but you don’t. And he doesn’t bend to your will either.”

I throw her a wry grin.

“That sounds like two very stubborn people.”

“Makes for great sex, you know that… no, it sounds like two people who give each other the space to be themselves, something I know you value more than you let on.”

“Dal, he hurts every nigga who looks my way. How is that me being free?”

She waves me off, grabbing her phone out of her pocket.

“I’m sure he’d be more amenable when y’all become official.”

I rise up into a right angle so fucking fast and cock my head at my best friend.

“Have you actually met Rahshad Kaleel Washington? He doesn't even know the word amenable… besides, this ain’t that. I’m single.”

“Yeah, aight. You used a condom?”

Condom?!

“Yeah,”

she cackles, getting off the bed.

“You put that thang on him raw doggy? Yeah, Pat was right; a month tops before you’re either pregnant or engaged.”

“Jokes on you; I can’t get pregnant!”

She just laughs louder before telling me Book Club got moved to today.

In the shower, it hits me like a ton of bricks.

I said the same thing when I found out I was pregnant with Sadé.

Stop blowing up my phone about my story. I told you, youre not my man, and you definitely cant be my man acting like this.

Brandon

We’re adults. We should be able to speak about this in person, honey.

There’s nothing to talk about. Be well.

I block that nigga and slip my phone into my purse before taking out my kindle.

“Who was that?”

I lean away from YT’s annoying ass and mug her.

“Van? Since when did we start taking new people in Book Club?”

YT starts pouting but she goes back into her personal space, thank God.

Van looks up from her kindle and smiles, showing her gap.

“Be nice, Mace. Any and all are welcome to convene in the name of books.”

Reem comes from the bathroom and takes a seat next to me.

“I’m trying out a Sunday evening meet-up since Ty’s boxing class will be on Tuesdays nights. Y’all feeling it?”

We all shrug and agree, with only YT raising her hand.

Reem pointedly ignores her, and picks up his paperback copy of 12:01 by Bella Jay.

“Aight, now that that’s settled. Let’s get into it, ‘cause I wanna know how y’all feel about shorty double dipping with twins.”

“Hey–”

Reem rolls his eyes and throws his book at YT. She ducks, letting it slap against the window. Her gun’s out in a flash, and she pushes me down before she shoots at Reem.

Van, Dal, and Pay duck. When I look up, Ty is massaging his temples, while Rico is leaning back on his beanbag smirking.

“Be. fucking. NICE TO ME!”

YT screams.

Reem stands slowly. He stalks over to her and pries her gun from her with one hand, then holds out his other.

Without looking away, YT pulls out her switchblade, a hunter’s knife, her dart gun, and some gum, putting it all in his hand. He takes everything back to his table with him and dumps it next to him on the floor.

“Book?”

YT turns, grabs it off the floor, and throws it underhanded to him.

“Um, do I need to put a ‘no weapons’ sign? I thought it was implied,”

Van stammers.

“We good. What you had wanted to say, Love?”

My head almost twists off turning toward YT. She looks down, biting the skin off her lips.

“Sundays aren’t good for me. Can we do Monday nights?”

“That cool with everyone?”

Dal’s eyes buck at me as we all murmur in agreement.

“Aight. Monday nights starting next month. Van, start off the discussion.”

I look between Reem and YT. My hands itch to text Patrick and Shaddy’s messy asses. We haven’t used that group chat since before Sadé was born, but if anyone knows something, it’ll be them.

After an amazing discussion about play parties and how informative they can be on learning kinks, Dal and I snicker watching Ty try to hide his erection yet again as he talks to Van. She talked for a half an hour straight raving about the book and how her own favorite kinks were explored, and that nigga was sweating bullets the whole time.

“This shit is better than that damn Side Pieces of Kenton. We gotta start a pool.”

“You a fool,”

I cackle.

“Have fun tonight.”

She hugs me tight. Tonight’s her date night with Peanut, so they’re going to Hudsonville and staying there overnight.

“Reem taking you home?”

“Yes, DW. I know I’m still not allowed at your house.”

YT materializes literally out of nowhere, rolling her eyes.

Dal hugs YT, too.

“Only when I’m not home. Be safe, loooooove.”

Dal flicks her tongue at YT before rushing down the stairs, laughing all the way down.

I glance at Reem, and mirror his smirk when I turn back to YT. He holds out all her weapons and she takes them, putting them back in their holsters. She’s dressed down today, looking like a blonde tomb raider with her olive green cargo pants and cropped cream turtleneck.

“So–”

“You can’t ask me anything until we are friends again.”

She narrows her eyes at me before they shift to Reem. “And you–”

The dart comes out of nowhere, hitting her in the cheek. She gasps, pulling it out before baring her teeth at Reem.

“You, fucking… asshole.”

He moves to grab her before she drops like a bag of laundry.

“When are you guys gonna stop this? It’s been months.”

I follow him down the stairs and outside to his car parked in front. He handles YT with care, gently sitting her onto the backseat and cuffing her to the oh shit handle. He takes out a permanent marker and draws a curly mustache on her upper lip, chuckling once to himself before closing her inside.

He turns back to me and shrugs.

“I’on know. Shit was annoying at first, but now I wanna see who will kill who.”

“Clearly y’all doing some talking in between trying to kill each other… why is she letting you call her Love?”

He grins at me and flicks his nose.

“You asked Shad why he left?”

The question comes out of left field, and I feel the smile drop from my face. “Huh?”

He opens his passenger door for me.

“You should ask him why he left. Then you and YT can make up, and she can stop gossipping to my mama.”

I can’t help smiling to myself. Typical YT, bonding with her next victim’s family.

“? This what we doing?”

I freeze, anger filling my chest. Niggas done lost they minds.

I turn to face Brandon and lick my lips to lubricate them for the pending curse-out.

“Brandon, why are you here?”

I feel Reem moving and shake my head subtly.

“Give me a minute.”

“Sixty seconds,”

he grits as I walk toward Brandon.

“Brandon–”

“This is what we’re doing? We have a fight and you jump on the next dick?”

he hisses, leaning into me.

“Excuse–”

He laughs humorlessly, cutting me off.

“You know, I figured you were tired of being a slut, so I dealt with you holding out. Clearly I should have went with my first mind–”

I bring my knee up hard as hell to his little dick, because clearly it’s little, coming at me like an incel. He doubles over, and I walk calmly to the car, getting inside.

Reem pulls off toward Nut’s house, but he makes no moves to turn on the music.

“What was that?”

he asks lowly.

“Nothing–”

“Don’t lie to me, Mace. We too cool for that.”

I let go of a shaky sigh and close my eyes, fighting the pressure building there.

“I’ll be okay.”

“If you don’t want Shad to wild out–”

“He won’t. I’ll be okay by the time I get out of the car.”

He sighs, zooming toward Lightning Heights.

“Want me to take care of it?”

“Take care of what… where… what the hell?”

I look back at YT, giggling at how delirious she looks. The rest of the ride is spent with them bickering back and forth, and it’s a welcome distraction until I go inside the house.

As soon as the front door closes and locks behind me, my smile drops. The boulders on my shoulders multiply exponentially. And the bullshit Brandon was spewing begins to sound like the truth the more it repeats in my head.

The downside to being Miss Niggas is you attract all kinds of them. Including the assholes who try to turn my outgoing personality into something negative and ugly.

I’m a very sex positive girl. But that doesn’t mean I’m hypersexual. And sometimes, a nigga who feels like they should get any of me because they want it pulls some weird shit that discombobulates me.

Like, you don’t even know me like that. But that’s my fault for even trying to fuck with a square, stable nigga in the first place. .

“nice guy.”

“Nice guys”

are rarely, if ever, actually nice.

I don’t bother holding in my tears as I trudge up the stairs to my room. Shaddy texted me during book club a picture of him and Sadé at the studio, so I can take a long bath and have some impromptu crying time in peace, since it’s been a while for that anyway.

And just like that, more sadness compounds in my belly, thinking about my baby daddy and the earth shattering sex he gave me the night before. No pretense of a perineal massage to hide behind. I can’t even pretend either of us were inebriated.

No. Something is unfurling between us faster than I can comprehend. Something I’ve never felt before. Something that scares the living daylights out of me, wanting me to run back to Northupton and hide behind my mom and Uncle Junior.

Too bad Mika ain’t raise no punk bitch.

I open the door to my guest room and stall at the lightswitch. There, in the middle of my bed, is Shaddy and Sadé laid out, facing the tv. Sadé turns to me, the light from the tv illuminating her face and the bright gummy smile that spreads when she notices me. Her baby garbles wake Shaddy, who also smiles when he notices me.

“Mommy’s home, huh lil shorty?”

he grumbles, sleep evident in his voice.

Something about seeing them so happy to see me walk through the door shifts something inside of me. I wouldn’t call it deja vu per se. Because it doesn’t feel like I’ve been here before.

But it definitely feels like I’m on the right track. For the very first time, it feels like all my plot-driven shenanigans are leading me somewhere. Where I’m meant to be.

And that, mixed in with the words still orbiting my mindscape, makes me break into the ugliest cry of my life.

Shaddy’s smile drops immediately, and he gets up to place Sadé in her playpen next to my bed.

“Hey, hey,”

he whispers, as he cups my face with both hands. Concern is etched deeply on his own face, but those hennessy eyes tell on him every time. Muted rage dot them as he analyzes me, probably trying to figure out who he’s gonna have to break.

“Why… why did you leave?”

I manage to push out through hiccuping.

He swipes his thumbs over my cheeks, trying to catch as many tears as he can.

“I had to get right. For me. For you and Sadé. C’mon Mace, you not slow. You knew I was finna jump ship.”

“B-but, you didn’t say anything,”

I stress.

“I woke up with a baby and you were gone. What was I supposed to think?!”

He kisses me gently on the forehead, and when he pulls back I see his eyes turn glassy. He licks his lips, and I see the war over what to share and not share in his eyes.

Shaddy isn’t open with anyone, and if you didn’t pay close enough attention, you’d miss it. He talks about a whole bunch of nothing, insignificant details that really don’t mean shit.

The meat and potatoes of who Shaddy is, he keeps under tight wraps. I’m sure if Raya and his mom were alive, he would have never had a breakdown. He would have kept continuing holding shit in, like he’s trying to do now.

He must find what he’s looking for, because his eyes stop dancing around my face and he clears his throat.

“… shit still ain’t right in my head. Shit’s still a toss-up. But every day I’m trying. I got some shit to handle, last minute loose ends, and then it’s me, you, Sadé, and whatever we wanna do.”

“You make it sound so good,”

I mutter, wrenching myself from his embrace. I wipe my cheeks hard before glaring at him.

“You make it sound so good,”

I repeat.

“but nothing has changed. You told me at Dal’s reception you didn’t want me to hold onto you. You told me you couldn’t be the man I need. Then, like a disrespectful dog ass nigga, you parade your on-off main bitch in my face. So what’s changed? What, besides three months of being MIA, has changed?! You still won’t let me in. You can’t even tell me where you went. Where the fuck were you?!”

Sadé starts wailing at the sound of my voice rising, and Shaddy goes to get her immediately. I use that to take my leave, grabbing some random clothes off the chaise and locking myself in the bathroom.

A long, hot shower regulates my flailing emotions. As I lather cocoa butter all over myself, I remind myself who the fuck I am.

Desirae Davenport. Accomplished artist. A real no limit soldier. A muva, then a bad bitch right after.

The words of a nigga I never fucked should and could never move me. And the actions of a nigga should and could never dictate mine.

I know I have real feelings for Shaddy. Realer than I’ve ever felt toward anyone who wasn’t kin. But I refuse to be affected by the storms in his mind. It’s one thing to support him as a friend, but the hot and cold, the speaking but not really saying anything… yeah I’m cool.

I nod to myself in the foggy mirror, place my dirty clothes in the hamper, and waltz back into my room feeling much better. Sadé’s in her playpen asleep, while Shaddy’s sitting on the bed, eyes finding mine immediately.

“My bad about doing the most earlier, I was already upset and just went left.”

He clenches his jaw, taking me in as I climb onto the other side of the bed to change the tv to the streaming service I like.

“I gathered that, and I’d like to continue our conversation later. But right now I need to know what was wrong.”

I roll my eyes, going to the search bar to type in the original Dreamgirls. I need some comfort.

“You don’t need to know anything, Shaddy. You were just on some rah rah at your show. I’m not gonna be the cause of you hurting anyone.”

He must have turned behind me because now he’s gathering me in his arms, pulling me until his hard ass, sexy ass body.

“You just confirmed a muthafucka done made the last mistake of their life by fucking witchu, so now you really gotta tell me. You know it’s nothing to retrace your steps, shorty. You only went to Storyville for book club. It’s nothing to hit up Reem or Ty, prolly Reem, ‘cause I know he brought you home, since YT is banned still. And Reem isn’t gonna lie to me, since he knows Ima fact check whatever he tells me anyway.”

He punctuates his little spiel with a kiss on the back of my neck, and I groan.

“Promise me you won’t do anything drastic.”

I close my eyes when he kisses my neck again and smiles against it.

“I promise I won’t do anything I think is drastic.”

I open my mouth to tell him that’s not what I said, but he pulls me onto my back and settles himself between my legs. His weight feels good on me, especially when he folds his hands together and rests them and his chin on top of my titties.

“C’mon. You got work in the morning and I know you gone wanna watch the remake right after the original, like you always do.”

He swears he knows me.

And fuck my heart for being happy he’s right.

“I uh, I blocked Brandon. He’s been tripping all weekend, and I’m cool on that. He showed up to Storyville and we had words. Usually I don’t care, but–”

“What you mean y’all had words? The fuck he say to you that had you crying?”

I trace his silky eyebrows, and he melts into me more. Neither of us look away from each other. Neither of us speak until his scowl is gone.

“Just some disrespectful shit. It don’t matter–”

“It does. Shit had you in a tizzy. And if he said something disrespectful I know he got in yo face, too. Where the fuck was Reem?”

“Now you know I’m not these soft bitches you used to, Shaddy. Nigga started talking hot and I kneed his ass. Reem ain’t see shit, and the nigga isn’t worth another body on either one of your hands. It’s handled, I handled it. But I’m still human, and he hurt my feelings.”

Shaddy tucks his lips in for a second.

“You not finna tell me what he said huh?”

I avert my eyes.

“Just some bullshit about me being a slut,” I mumble.

I don’t look back at Shaddy. I hold my breath, hoping he’d get the hint.

But I’ll probably die before that happens.

He lifts off of me. I close my eyes, thinking he would make me look at him, but he doesn’t.

“Pussy niggas gone always try to break a real woman down to they level by any means. I know you’re human, and it fucked witchu, but know his opinion of you is worth less than dog shit. He can’t comment on no pussy he’s never gotten.”

“But what about you?”

I blurt, before finally peering at him.

“You be teasing me about these niggas. Do you think I’m a slut?”

He shrugs one shoulder.

“I like sluts.”

“Be foreal Shad, damn,” I scold.

He lays back down, eyes never leaving me.

“, I mean this as respectfully as possible, I really don’t give a fuck if you’re a slut or not. Yo body count and them niggas who follow you around don’t matter to me at all. You could have been a virgin. You could have been a three-oh-four. As soon as I slid my fingers into yo pussy that first time, it became mine, all that shit was dead in the water to me. I may not have been the first person to experience you, but I’ma be the last, and Ima have just as much fun relearning your body as you’ll have learning mine.

“But to answer your question, nah, you ain’t a slut. You fine as hell, got sex appeal out the ass, and don’t hide it or the fact you like sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. And at the end of the day, you know that shit, just like you know he really just mad he ain’t get to dig you out… his loss, ‘cause that pussy–”

He moves off me before I can hit him upside the head, laughing as he rolls. I feel like this is the first time I’ve heard him laugh, and damn, it almost sounds as good as him singing.

He rearranges us so that he’s holding me again, and turns Dreamgirls on.

“Feel better?”

I nod in his arms.

“Thank you for listening… I mean it Shaddy. Don’t–”

He squeezes me before cupping my breast.

“I got you.”

The resolution in his voice. How he’s surrounding me. How safe I feel. I let him think I believe him. Because I find myself wanting to.

And I think that’s like the third step on my way to my impending doom.