Page 15

Between avoiding Shaddy and Dal refusing to let me plan her bachelorette party, I’ve been pissed for weeks.

Playas fuck up, and this one fucked up bad. I’ve never been the type of bitch to catch feelings after sex, even if it’s fire. Sex has always been just that; sex. A good nut, a warm body, and I send you on your merry way. It’s fun, the most fun you’ll ever have with another person–or people, but when that nut is busted, that’s the end of it.

And then I get pregnant.

And Shaddy insists on stretching me out for this big headed baby.

And I start catching feelings over fucking perinea.

“massages.”

That kiss… electricity shocked me right to my nipples… then my heart. Somewhere along the way, Miss Niggas has had the tables turned on her.

And it’s not even the way he plays me like his favorite beat. No, that would be too easy. God ain’t stop making freaks after He made him.

No. It’s the way he looks out for me without a second thought, like it’s as natural as breathing. It’s the little check ins and inspirational videos he sends every day. It’s him buying all my expensive ass art supplies and setting up a little corner in the sun room, for whenever I get inspiration to create. It’s him never letting me be too hard on myself for not creating anything, for having the worst artist’s block.

It’s how he takes care of everyone, even though he’s the youngest. He’s always helping someone out, whether it’s Van at Storyville, or taking Set to physical therapy, or working the little kids out at Ty’s boxing gym.

Or even making sure Angel and I have snacks when I’m babysitting her for Reem. Even though I’m not speaking to him.

Shaddy is the type of person you can’t help but love. Someone who unequivocally wants the best for you, and is willing to help you get there with no strings. The most selfless person I know.

But of course, my appreciation for him can’t stop at just being friends. Because what fun would that be for the plot, right?

Nah, I had to go and fall for my fake baby daddy.

“Any day now, Mace.”

Dal beams at me through the mirror as I complete my final fitting for her wedding. It’s tomorrow, but it seems that my Beanie has doubled in size in a few short weeks. My belly dropped too, but we planned for this, and though I really should be sitting down and not Dal’s maid of honor, the empire waist lavender gown does make me look regal.

“I can’t wait to be able to drink again,”

I lament as the dressmaker unzips me.

Dal’s grin expands as she texts someone.

“You say that now… have you thought of a name? We can’t keep calling her Beanie.”

I step out of the gown and let the dressmaker go press it and throw Shaddy’s Birch crew neck on.

“No. I know I want her middle name to be Reese, for Mo. So I’ve been playing around with different names that go with that.”

Dal simpers as she rushes to help me pull up my maternity leggings.

“That’s beautiful, Mace. God, I can’t believe it sometimes. A little mini you. The world isn’t ready.”

I roll my eyes and shove her playfully.

“I doubt her daddy is gonna let her be too much like the hellion I am. He’s already talking about banning YT from being around her until she’s eighteen.”

“Not a bad idea… but shit, the way you ignore his ass I thought you were done letting him play daddy.”

She smirks and twirls to grab her stuff.

I damn near snatch my dress from the dressmaker, thank her, and stomp out of the shop toward Dal’s car. She’s just cackling loud as ever behind me, through me hanging up the dress, getting into the front seat, and us sliding into traffic.

“Damn bitch you ain’t tired of laughing yet?” I snap.

“Hell no!”

she squeals.

“It’s all in ya grill. You done caught feelings for Shotta. He sang to the pussy yet?”

I roll my eyes and rest my chin on my palm.

“I’m telling Nut you got your tubes tied.”

She kisses her teeth as we drive deeper into downtown.

“You never could take a joke when it’s on yo ass. Play with him if you want, he’ll kill you just because he’ll think you knew beforehand. Besides, I made the appointment to take my IUD out as soon as we get back from Fiji.”

“I don’t even care no more, ho! Our kids are cousins now, anyway, so our plans to make them get married have been ruined ever since you let Mo use them tired ass lines on yo dumb ass.”

Dal just snickers more before pulling into a valet.

“The more you hurl insults, the more in love I just assume you really are. Foreal though, if you like him, why not just tell him? He’s already claiming Beanie Reese as his own.”

I sigh and turn towards my best friend. She’s got so much hope in her eyes. She’s wanted the love bug to bite me since we first decided to make our children marry each other, in middle school. But I was never with it.

And even now, as much as Shaddy means to me, I’m grabbing out at anything I can, kicking and screaming as I keep falling.

“Dally, Rahshad is the type of person that gives his all to make sure everyone around him is happy. But no one talks about how, after you’ve given all you’ve got, you have nothing else for yourself. Even if I did like him, and he liked me, he has nothing to give me. And I can’t and won’t subject myself to that. We just cool, bro.”

Her face falls before grabbing my hand.

“If he does come to you, promise me you’ll give it a chance. You deserve happiness, too, Mace.”

I nod, to appease her, and we finally get out her car. But I know the real. The happiness Dal is talking about may have passed me by long ago.

We enter the nice ass building and take a private elevator all the way up. As soon as the doors open, the first face I see is YT, holding a confetti gun.

Her smile is so fucking unhinged, I cringe as she shoots it.

“Surprise!”

The other girls cheer behind her as tears gather in my eyes. And my face completely crumbles when my mom comes to the front and pulls me into her arms.

“Now you know we weren’t gonna let you bring your baby in without showering her with love.”

She leans back and plants a kiss on my forehead.

“But… but–”

“Yeah, I get married tomorrow, but you’re becoming a mommy right after, . Fuck a bachelorette party, we celebrating you and the life you made.”

I turn and crush Dal’s tall ass into my arms. Mom hugs as both, and I break down even more.

It doesn’t stop, even when all the ladies pass me around, hugging me and putting a crown and sash around me. Brina and Set permanently moved into their house before the twins were born, so really, Set’s condo is where we go to chill if we’re in the city. I was thinking we were all meeting here to kind of pre game before the bachelorette dinner, but judging by all the pink and purple and green decor, the girls had been planning this for a while.

After we eat a delicious brunch spread, they have me open all the gifts they all got me. Everything from onesies to diapers to a bottle warmer and bassinet and shit. All the guys besides Shaddy even bought me a Bentley stroller, with their own personalized messages in the card. YP bought Beanie a star, while YC got me a membership to this ritzy spa in West Kenton, becaus.

“why would he get a gift for a baby he’s never met?”

I’m a blubbering mess. I mean, I know my support system is amazing, but I’ve been so busy helping Dal with the wedding, I didn’t too much care about a shower. I had more than enough money from not paying rent and my old art showings to buy whatever I needed, even if Shaddy let go of the charade.

But seeing everyone show up for me… yeah. I love these hoes.

“Deezyyyy, you know when you get upset like this it makes me homicidal.”

YT pouts and rests her head on Mom’s shoulder. My mama just rolls her eyes and pats her cheek, making her smile.

“Okay, seriously, where have you been this whole time?”

Wyn flutters her lashes as she takes a swig of champagne.

“It’s the summertime. You be going out right? I feel like you’d be a time.”

YT sits up straight and peers at Wyn. I hold my breath, like everyone else, and watch the exchange. YT is known to cut the toughest bitch or nigga down, and it’s a toss up if she’ll like her or not.

But then, YT’s face softens. She stands, and walks over to Wyn.

“Clubs overstimulate me. We can always go on a hike though. Me and my brother Prince love those.”

She takes the flute out of Wyn’s hand and goes into the kitchen, leaving an awkward silence.

“Okay! Before I forget, you have one last gift. I’m told it’ll be sent to your email tonight, and you can only open it when you’re all alone.”

Brina smirks and blows a kiss at me.

“Who is that from, ?”

Mom asks, before looking at Dal. She shrugs, but makes sure to cut her eyes at me.

“I’ll tell you when I open it, mama. Shit, for all we know it’s something x-rated.”

That makes her scrunch up her face and wave me off.

“You are a little perv.”

The rest of the afternoon flies by, before we all go back to Brina’s house. The guys are staying at Nut’s, since they’ll probably fall asleep playing the game anyway, and there’s more spare bedrooms at Brina’s.

My phone’s been burning a hole in my hand since Brina told me what to expect. But of course, YT can never take a hint, and has been on the bed with me talking on facetime with her brothers.

And of course, if I say anything, they’ll just ask more questions, and YP only instigates his siblings, never tells them to calm down.

It isn’t until almost midnight that YT finally gets off the phone and has me walk her to the door three steps away. I’m about to close it in her face when she twirls around suddenly and crushes herself to my chest and belly.

“Uncle Nardo would be inconsolable if he were here right now. Shit… Daddy was about to come crash the shower today.”

I never know what to do when people mention my dad to me. I wasn’t old enough to remember anything, not like the Triplets and Mo. But everyone says the same thing; that he loved me.

When she backs up, her eyes are red, though no tears line her lids.

“You’re gonna be the best Mommy, Deeze. You’ve had a lot of practice being the best sister.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, but before I can reply, she turns and disappears down the hall.

So I close and lock the door, plant myself in the middle of the bed, and check my email.

From: Washington, Rahshad

Subject: By Your Side

As a rule, I don’t sing for free, for anybody. But you and Beanie aren’t just anybody. I know musicals are your thing, but I hope when you need me, and I’m not around, you listen to this, too, and play this for our daughter.

Yours,

Shaddy

My hands shake reading his email, and I’m barely able to tap the media file. It starts playing automatically. There’s some static, and rustling, and then acoustic guitar chords begin filling the room. I recognize the song immediately–By Your Side by Sade. My heart is galloping hard as fuck in my chest.

And then… and then…

I mean, I’ve listened to every song Shaddy has put out. Even on SoundWave. I’m a real Shotta fan, so I’ve heard him sing before.

Not like this.

His voice is angelic as he covers the song. And I’m fucking floored. I didn’t know he knew how to play the guitar. Does he?! But I don’t see him letting anyone help.

Oh my God.

Tears flow down my cheeks as I listen to him sing to me and Beanie about how he’ll always be there for me. I actually have to pause the song because I start hiccuping like a child.

My phone pings, and I’m not surprised it’s Shaddy. He’s probably hacked into my camera, watching my reaction live. I doubt Brina and Set have cameras in their guest rooms.

You like it?

I love it.

He types something, then erases it, then types something again, but then the three dots disappear. I start the song over and lay it on top of my belly so our daughter can hear it.

And I pray like hell this isn’t the goodbye I think it is.

After a few hiccups, Dally is married, and currently tonguing her husband down during their first dance. It’s borderline pornography, but the way Peanuthead’s gun is tucked in the back of his pants, we all know not to say anything.

Thankfully, they picked We Both Deserve Each Other’s Love, and it’s three minutes, so the dance floor fills as they keep twirling and making out.

Uncle Junior twirls me through the floor like I’m a kid, making me laugh. When he’s done, his eyes are shining with tears.

He’s the hardest nigga I know, harder than Uncle Tre, but when it comes to his girls, he’s soft as cotton. Me and YT are the apples of his eye.

“I hope one day soon I’m walking you down the aisle and having a father-daughter dance with you.”

I snort and roll my eyes.

“You have better luck wishing for YT to settle down.”

“Excuse me, may I cut in?”

We both turn to see Shaddy, who hasn’t said much to me, standing there. Uncle Junior cuts his eyes to me and smirks before hardening his glare at Shaddy.

“Take care of her, lil nigga.”

Shad nods, and Uncle Junior places my hand in his before walking off. He pulls me in close, eyes never leaving mine as everything else, the music, our friends and family, it falls away. Leaving only us.

“I have something… something I need to tell you.”

He licks his lips, but for once I can’t ogle him. Now when a shiver passes at the finality and seriousness of his voice.

“This is probably the wrong time and place to say this, but shit, it don’t be seeming like shit be working out in our favor anyway.”

I clear my throat.

“I’m all ears, Shaddy.”

He blinks twice, before tightening his hold on my waist.

“I never was one to believe in ‘right person, wrong time.’ Shit, I barely believed in meeting the right person. I… there’s… fuck. I been drowning, Mace. For a long time. Since I was born, it feels like. And then you come along, and you and Beanie become my lifeline. But I’m already sinking, and I just can’t… I can’t pull you down with me.”

I wonder if he hears my heart fracturing as his lids line with tears.

“You wouldn’t–”

“I would, Mace. I be wanting… I be wanting to tell you everything. About my family. About how I feel. About how some days, the only thing that gets me up is you. But that’s a burden I never want you to have, especially with you having a baby–”

“Our baby, Rahshad. I can be your lifeline… I can do it!” I stress.

He pulls me even closer, his warm breath at my ear.

“I can’t ask you to be that for me.”

I sniff, praying these damn tears don’t fall over, but when I lean back and see one traveling down his cheek, I know I’m a goner.

“I hate that I found you in this life, Mace. I hate that I can’t be the man you need.”

I wrap my hands around his neck to bring him closer to me.

“You can, Shaddy. You are–”

“I’m not, baby. But I promise you, I’ll find you in the next one. And then I’ll never let you go.”

He pries my hands off his neck and kisses the backs of them, before leading me off the dancefloor. As soon as YC comes up to me, Shaddy skidaddles, narrowly missing his hand reaching out for his neck.

YC’s menacing black eyes dance around my face.

“YP left some C4 in my trunk. Do I need to get it?”

I cough out a laugh and shake my head.

“No, fool, weddings just make me emotional, and I’m pregnant… just… dance with me. Please.”

He blinks, his stone face not softening at all. But he sighs, holds out his hand, and obliges his favorite godsister just this once.