Page 46 of Brighter Shades of Light

He drank more coffee, and I ate the rest of my food. The silence wasn’t bad, though. I glanced his way and was met with a small smile, which I returned. Dr. Vale was a man of few words, but being around him soothed me.

I hadn’t even known Ineededto be soothed.

The air shifted between us when I looked up again and our gazes locked. The spark I’d felt earlier had grown past attraction and moved into something deeper. By the way he stared at me, I suspected he felt it, too.

“I want us to go out again,” I said as an uncontrollable force went through me. I was tired of dancing around my feelings. Men never held my attention for so long. But he did. He’d held it from the very first time I saw him. “We can go to dinner at that new seafood restaurant that just opened up. I heard it’s pretty good and reasonably priced.”

“I…” He adjusted his glasses and swallowed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Enjoy the rest of your breakfast, Mr. Miller.” He gathered his things and stood from the table.

“You don’t have to leave.” I held his gaze. When conversation turned into something deeper, he bailed. On campus, at the coffee shop. “You’re always running away from me.”

The last part was said more to myself.

“Mr. Miller, we,” he paused to look around, “we probably shouldn’t see each other outside of class anymore.”

“Why?” My chest hurt.

Tristen wasn’t wrong in his earlier implication. I had become so defensive about it because I was thinking exactly the same. Dr. Vale could say we were meeting to talk about the TA position—one he still didn’t know if he’d even open, which told me it was bullshit from the start—but I knew better. The weekly tutoring sessions hid something deeper between us.

“It’s become a routine we need to break,” he said.

“That didn’t answer my question.” My heart thumped faster. “Are you afraid of something happening between us?”

The question slipped out before I could stop it.

He stared at me, emotionless. “See you in class.”

***

Three days later, I was pissed. Well, more upset than pissed, but being mad was easier than being hurt.

Dr. Vale had canceled our Tuesday tutoring session. Truth be told, I hadn’t needed the extra help for quite some time. Once I understood entropy, everything else became clearer. Having a one-on-one study session with him was amazing, but it wasn’t necessary. Apparently, he had picked up on that fact.

In class, he scarcely looked at me. When I asked questions, his responses were straight to the point. When I approached him after class to say something—anything—he treated me just like any other student, lacking the warmth he once gave me. We had reverted to how we were prior to tutoring.

And it was bullshit.

Amphibious Warfare wasn’t holding my focus like it usually did. I enjoyed learning about the evolution of sea power and the innovations over the years. We discussed historical campaigns, too, which was interesting. But I was too down in the dumps to pay much attention.

Gunnery Sergeant Colgrove taught the course. He stood at the front of the class, and I pretended to listen. Tristen nudged me a few times when Colgrove asked me a question.

After the lecture, I left the room and began walking toward the math and science building. I caught myself. It had become a habit to go directly to Dr. Vale’s office after class.

“See you in the dorm later?” Tristen asked.

“Yeah.”

He seemed concerned but hadn’t pressed me on the matter yet, which was good because I didn’t want to talk about it.

Even though I wasn’t that hungry, I went to the dining hall. The place was crowded, and I had to squeeze my way through the line to grab a cheeseburger from the grill and a basket of salty fries. Spotting a booth near the wall, I plopped down in it and stared at my food, trying to find an appetite beneath the disappointment.

I needed to pull myself together. Dr. Vale and I had never even been together.

“Hey, cadet!” Brandon yelled from across the dining hall. He grabbed a tray and came toward me, a self-satisfied smirk in place. “Shouldn’t you be at your tutoring session? You have them on Thursdays, right?”