Page 105 of Brighter Shades of Light

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Shakespeare wrote that ‘parting is such sweet sorrow.’ That was just the pretty way of saying it fucking sucked to be away from the person you loved. The whole morning before I left, I was a bundle of nerves, and with it was a weight of sadness that slowly crushed the center of my chest.

The sendoff took place at Camp Lejeune. It was so early in the morning that it was still kind of dark outside. Marines stood with their families, lingering as long as they could before we had to board the bus and leave. For some, it was their second, third, and fourth deployment. But for others, like me, it was the first.

Buses were parked in front of the lawn where we all stood saying goodbye. Engines rumbled, and headlights shone ahead.

Anthony, another combat engineer I had become good friends with since my station assignment, stood with his fiancée. She had her arms around his neck and her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head, rubbing a hand up and down her back.

A little girl clung onto her Marine mom’s neck, not wanting to let go.

There were others who hugged their parents and some who held their children, kissing their chubby faces. Many of the kids were still babies. First steps would be missed on the deployment, maybe even first words. Birthdays.

I stood with Sebastian, holding his hand as I faced him. I brushed his swooping bangs aside before kissing him. He gripped my waist, and when he pulled back from the kiss, he rested his forehead to mine. I inhaled the scent of his skin, a soft spice that belonged to only him. Fuck, it was only nine months, but what if I forgot this smell?

I buried my face in his neck.

“Remember, don’t worry about me,” he said. “I promise to take care of myself while you’re away.”

“Okay.” I tightened my hold. “We can Skype as soon as I’m settled and able to.”

I wasn’t allowed to use my cell phone for security reasons, and the cost of long-distance calls would be outrageous anyway. But I was allowed to have my laptop and use the phones they had at camp to call home if I wanted.

Somewhere behind me, a kid started crying. I turned to see a little boy, maybe five or six, wearing a camo uniform and stretching his arms out toward his dad, who was leaving to board the bus. The dad didn’t turn around. I doubt he would have been able to leave if he did.

Sebastian hugged me closer and pressed his lips to my temple.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.” I straightened up, keeping my head held high, and stepped back a little. “I have to go.”

He didn’t say anything. He just nodded and kept his eyes on me.

Turning away from him, my legs felt heavy. Each step toward the bus was like stepping in wet concrete. It was hard to move. Hard to breathe. A small part of me began to panic as I wondered if this was the last time I’d see him. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I blinked them away.

I stepped onto the bus and walked down the aisle, plopping down in a seat and scooting toward the window. Families stood on the lawn, waving at us, some smiling and others crying.

Sebastian stood in the same spot, hands in his pockets and staring up at me.

The panic heightened, and I put a hand to my chest as my heart felt like it was about to explode. My skin prickled, and I fought the urge to stand up and run to him. In a matter of minutes, the bus would pull out of the lot and take us to the airfield, taking me away from my home. Away from him.

I can’t do this.

“Bye, Daddy!” a little girl screamed, waving her hands in the air.

The same little boy who had cried for his dad earlier now stood by his mom, wiping his tearstained cheeks.

I looked at Sebastian again. His gentle smile started to falter, but then he straightened his spine and put on a brave face. I appreciated that.

As the last Marine boarded the bus and took her seat across from me, the doors closed.

I held up a hand to Sebastian as we started to drive away. He waved, and as some of the children began running after the bus, he stayed still. Just like time did.

And right before the bus turned the corner and blocked him from sight, I finally saw his face crumble.

Chapter 27

Sebastian