Page 107 of Brighter Shades of Light

“Guess I better go,” Cody said, moving his gray-blue eyes back to me. “I’ll talk to you when I can. Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

After the screen went black, the room became too quiet. Silence had become a normal part of my world without him.

I would’ve done anything to hear him walking up the stairs right now. He would say, “Babe, I’m home,” and I’d smile and meet him in the hall for a kiss.

I left my study and was greeted with nothing but silence.

I used to love the quiet. Now it was just a reminder that he wasn’t here with me.

***

Six months had passed since Cody left. I thought I was dealing with the distance easier, but in the midst of the holiday season, I found myself withdrawing into my shell a little more. Cody loved Christmas, and as I walked down the sidewalk one Saturday morning, seeing all the holiday decorations and people coming and going with shopping bags in hand, it made me miss him even more.

I missed how Cody sang carols out of tune. I missed the way his cheeks reddened in the winter air and how he would press his cold nose to my neck to warm up. And his love of hot chocolate knew no bounds. I would make us each a steaming mug, tossing a handful of marshmallows into his, and then we would sit together on the couch and watch one of his favorite Christmas movies.

Most of all, I missed the way I felt while around him. I was tired of spinning.

“How are you holding up?” Jared asked, after pulling out a chair for Lucy and sitting across from me.

We were at The Milk Road, a small coffee shop in town. Jared had called me earlier and asked if I wanted to meet them, as it had been a while since we had visited outside of work.

“As good as I can be.” I took a drink of my coffee and gave an appreciative nod at the taste. Not bad at all.

“Just have to hang in there a few more months,” he said and offered me a kind smile. “He’ll be home soon.”

“Have you talked to him lately?” Lucy asked. She was soft-spoken and shy, but she had opened up to me more over the past few months.

“Not since last Friday,” I said, and the admission caused a string of worry to tangle in my gut.

Cody had said that ‘sometimes no news was good news,’ meaning if I didn’t hear from him for a while, it didn’t always mean something was wrong. He could be too busy, or his schedule could be off from mine due to the time difference, especially if he was assigned a new post to work all night and sleep during the day.

“You should spend Christmas with us.” Lucy cupped her hands around her mug. Her long blonde hair was pulled back, and she wore a decorative ear warmer that matched her cream-colored scarf. “We’ll have plenty of food, and it’ll be nice to have you.”

“I’m not sure.” I didn’t want to impose.

“Come on, Sebastian,” Jared said. “You shouldn’t spend it alone.”

“Very well. But just as long as it’s no inconvenience.”

“It’s not at all.”

“Thank you.”

Once I had some coffee in me, I talked more. They brought Cody up in conversation here and there, but they mainly kept the focus on other things, like the holiday, events coming to town, and future plans. When they spoke of Cody, it wasn’t about him in Afghanistan, but rather, what we should do once he got back. It was lovely.

“Have you picked a date for the big day yet?” Lucy asked.

“Well, Cody comes home in March,” I said, after dabbing at my mouth to rid it of blueberry muffin crumbs. I blamed Cody for my newfound liking of them. “So, we decided on a May wedding.”

Planning the wedding had given me a much needed distraction, apart from my work at the lab. Since Cody was a Marine, we were allowed to have the ceremony in a military chapel. The chapels filled up quickly, so I had spoken to the chaplain and reserved our spot. I was worried we would be denied for being a same-sex couple, but the chaplain had reassured me that wasn’t the case.

Later that afternoon, I sat at my desk, trying to decipher the theoretical probability on a computer program about how certain combined nuclei would react, when there was an incoming call notification on Skype. I answered, and upon seeing Cody’s smiling face, my breathing came easier than it had in a week.

“Hello,” I said, barely able to contain my joy.

“Hey, baby.” He looked so tired. “How are you?”