Page 22

Nicole

Mason steers me over to the far side of the bar, getting right to business. “I hate to shit all over our nice night, but your parents have been looking for you.”

My mood sours immediately. “Why are they calling you ?” They shouldn’t even know that I’m here, damnit.

“Grace must have told them you were coming.”

“Ugh! Why is she snitching like that?”

“She cares about you.”

My heart drops because he’s right. Grace and I have been best friends for forever, and that I haven’t checked in with her or told her about my struggles—because I know she’s going through her own right now—makes me feel like a shithead. I should call her soon.

“What did you tell my parents?”

“That you’re here for a week at the spa.”

I roll my eyes because that’s not going to fly. No spa in this town is bougie enough for my parents to buy that bullshit. Still, I appreciate the effort. Mason didn’t have to lie like that for me. “Thank you.”

“Just talk to them, Nicole.”

“They don’t ever listen. And after the whole gala debacle, they’ve been working me nonstop. I swear I’m going to lose my mind if I have to go back.” Which I will soon, and I’m terrified of what my mental state will turn into when that happens. Tears prick my eyes and I’m not about to ruin a good makeup night with some saltwater leaking out of my face. Fuck that.

“You can’t blame them for being worried. You should have just said you were going away for a week. Mini vacay with Grace or something. Ghosting them, and your meetings, isn’t like you at all.”

“Well, maybe it’s exactly like me and they just don’t know who I am!” I yell.

Mason glowers like he wants to either chastise me again or hug me. He better not do either. “You don’t get it, Mase.”

“The fuck I don’t. It’s why I got out.”

“Exactly,” I snarl. “ You got out . I’m still fucking stuck.” I slump on my stool and glare at the bar top. “I’m never going to escape, am I?”

“You can if you’d let me help you.”

“I’m not a charity case.”

For years I’ve tried to figure out a lucrative business that I can run on my own and make bank with. Just like Mason did. But all my ideas suck and honestly, I’m not cut out for it. Being a career- woman is not in my blood. And that fucking shames me the most. I came from a line of powerful millionaires, and I have neither the sense nor the desire to do what it would take to run my own company that my family would inevitably get their teeth and claws into.

Any business venture I come up with requires a boatload of start up cash. Money I don’t have that’s not connected to a trust fund. Money that I refuse to ask for because even getting investors or loans would mean owing someone that they’d want to take from my parents, not me. And if my parents get involved, the Greystone Trust will, too. So, I’m fucked.

To make it worse, that’s not even my most crucial issue. The stress of my family isn’t the only worry I’m dealing with. There’s something much worse riding my tail that no one knows about, and I plan to keep it that way.

“What about Landon and Kerrington?”

Mason’s question hits me like a bat to the head. “What about them?”

When he doesn’t answer, I slowly turn to look at him, but his expression is too guarded for me to read.

“They’re my best friends, Nicole.”

“I know that.”

“They’re not your fucktoys.”

“Says who?” I push back, and immediately feel bad about it. Exhaling, I slouch again. “I know they’re not, Mase. ”

“Do you love them?”

I can’t have this conversation with him, here in this stupid bar, with the rest of our party waiting for us outside. I don’t want to have it at all.

“Answer me, Nicole.”

My instinct is to go on the defense and be a brat and tell him to kiss my ass. But Mason’s being sincere, and this conversation needs to be had. I haven’t been able to discuss it with anyone else, including Grace, and I’ve got to get it off my chest before it crushes me to death.

“I need a drink first.”

So much for having balls, right? I’m stalling and can’t help it. Once I say this, I won’t be able to take it back and Mason, the bane of my existence, will know my deepest secret. Well, one of them at least.

He flags the bartender down and orders two shots of top-shelf bourbon. Neither of us say a word until the glasses are set in front of us. He silently slides mine over and we both down our drinks.

“I’m in love with both of them.” There. I said it. Does he think less of me now? Is he going to laugh? Get mad? Tell them before I do?

Looking smug, he tips his head to the bartender. “Another.”

Bourbon pours into our glasses, and I recognize the label. Mason’s taste in friends, women, and bourbon are impeccable. I sometimes wonder if I could have stomached marrying him. The answer is absolutely fucking not. He’s got a big heart and all, but no. Just no . I can’t see myself in a relationship where my husband and I are merely roommates in a mansion and have to fake being perfectly in love in front of people.

But isn’t that what I’ve always done? Faked it?

I fake my happiness all the fucking time. Act braver than I am. Pretend to be something I’m not.

Gripping the fresh glass, I down it before I cry. The bourbon burns my throat and gut. I think I might throw it up.

“Don’t say anything,” I say quietly, not having the courage to look him in the eyes. “Please.”

Mason’s tone is sharp. “Nicole.”

“I want to tell them myself. It can’t come from you or anyone else. I just don’t want to tell them yet.” The whiskey’s gone straight to my head, making me feel loopy. “I don’t know what to do.” Turning, I finally let him see how raw and scared I am.

His face falls. “Christ.” Resting his elbows on the bar, he scrubs his face with both hands. “Want my advice or not?”

“Sure.”

“Walk away.”

·· ·

When we get outside, I’m feeling so buzzed that I can’t quite gauge my footing on the steps and nearly slip. Mason catches me. “Since when did you become such a lightweight?” he teases.

“Ugh.” I smack his arm, even though a smile curls on my lips. “Shut up.”

Kerrington’s waiting for us by my car. He looks concerned. “Everything okay?”

“All good.” Mason unceremoniously hands me over like I’m a sack of recycling that needs to be taken out. “You guys want to come over tomorrow?”

Kerrington glances at Landon, who’s in the passenger seat. “Mmm. Give us a day to recover, then we’ll be over.” He opens the backseat for me. “Is that okay with you, Duchess?”

I nod, too caught up in my head to say much else.

Kerrington shuts the door, and I can’t hear what the two of them are talking about because Landon’s got the music turned up. He’s relaxed in the passenger seat with a lazy smile on his face, as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“How you feeling, Duchess?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Focusing on him feels better than worrying about my troubles. “You look exhausted.”

“I am.” He squirms a little. “But it’s nice. I’ve been cruising in subspace for a while now. I’m gonna sleep like a baby.”

I love that for him.

Kerrington gets in the car and checks on both of us before hitting the road. The ride home is quiet. I fall back into my thoughts and the conversation Mason and I just had. Tears prick my eyes again, but I fight them for all I’m worth. I don’t want Kerr or Lan to see me upset. They’ll ask questions I’m not ready to answer yet.

My heart is already breaking as it is and when they find out my biggest secret, I’m fucking doomed.

Kerrington helps Landon into the hotel. Jeez, I guess having that many forced orgasms can really take it out of you. I wouldn’t know. But going off how I collapsed earlier with just a couple of hard climaxes, I can only imagine what Landon’s body must feel like.

“Almost there,” Kerr says to him in a soothing voice. “You did so good for us tonight.”

Landon offers another smile, his eyes at half mast, as he faces Kerrington and kisses him. They worship each other slowly. Thoughtfully.

“Fuck me?” Landon asks with a hopeful cadence.

“You’re not too sore?”

Lan shakes his head. “No. I’m perfect.”

Kerrington kisses him again and then crooks his finger, beckoning me to join them.

Funny, whenever they are together, I never feel like the third wheel. It’s like I’ve been part of… whatever they are… and always have been. We’re too comfortable for three people who haven’t spent a lot of time together.

Too comfortable around each other for me to keep holding this last secret.

Kerrington removes Landon’s clothes first and lays him back on the bed. Then he carefully pulls out the plug, making Landon grunt with relief.

“So. Fucking. Pretty.” Kerr kisses him again. “You’ve been such a good boy tonight.”

“Mmmph.”

My mouth waters as Kerrington strips down and gets prepped.

Landon looks over at me and smiles. “Sit on your throne, Duchess.”

I don’t even know what that means.

“Strip and sit on his face,” Kerrington explains. “He deserves a reward for his excellent behavior this evening.”

My hands shake as I do what I’m told, peeling layers of clothing off my aching body and climbing onto the bed. “Which way?”

“Face me,” Kerr demands. “I want to look in your eyes while I fuck him.”

Before obeying, I kiss Landon, double checking to make sure he’s up for this.

“You taste like expensive bourbon and heaven.”

That makes me giggle, lightening my mood. “How can you tell it was expensive? ”

“Baby, I’m too bougie to not know the difference between a three-dollar shot and a hundred-dollar one.” He flashes me a big smile and crooks his finger at me. “Saddle up, sweetheart. I skipped dessert in the restaurant, knowing you’d serve me a better one.”

How can he make the raunchiest things so sweet?

Climbing up on his face, I hover.

“Nope.” Landon hooks his arms around me. “ Sit .” With that, he forces my full weight onto his face.

Kerrington’s lubed up and already spreading Landon’s thighs, hiking them up. “Hold him for me.”

My palms sweat as I grip Landon’s knees and spread him wide. His tongue is already doing a deep dive into my pussy and the bourbon’s still flowing through my system.

I groan, watching Kerrington push himself inside Landon. The way his dick slides. The way his dark hair falls into his eyes when he looks down to watch it. The way his abs bunch and flex as he slowly moves in and out.

Landon moans against me, tickling a little.

Kerrington catches my glance and holds it. The tendons in his neck tighten. His eyes harden. Jaw clenches. Then he pushes all the way in, burying himself balls deep. Abs flexing, he picks up speed, until he has both Landon and I rocking from his thrusts .

I’ve never been on a better ride.

Kerrington leans forward and grabs the back of my head. Our mouths fuse and it’s like we’re one. All three of us are one entity. One heart. One soul.

One moment that will last me a lifetime.

My eyes sting from the tears I’ve yet to unleash. My body sings. Everything funnels into this heady, distilled heartbeat with a pounding rhythm that rattles my bones.

Kerrington pulls back from me. Landon squeezes my hips, forcing me to ride his face harder. His thighs tense. His dick is hardening again. I feel an impending orgasm barreling down on me. Tipping my head back, I close my eyes, riding the wave.

And I scream for all I’m worth. It’s not just with my pleasure. It’s with my whole fucking body. My pain and regret. My fear and resentment. My hunger and hope.

Kerrington’s speed quickens until he’s slamming into Landon.

I lift off, terrified I’m suffocating him.

Landon sucks in a rugged breath, his back arching, and he takes what Kerrington’s giving him.

Kerr roars with his release, and it’s fucking glorious. The man who is so put together, so perfectly stoic and calm, unravels on top of the man who holds his heart. Wanting to know what that tastes like, I crawl forward and kiss Kerrington while he still pumps his come into Landon. His groans turn to whimpers. Then he pulls out and away from us both.

“Fucking hell, that was amazing.” Landon sits up, catching his breath.

They kiss again, and Kerrington looks concerned. “You sure you’re okay? I was really rough that time.”

“Couldn’t be better.” Landon tries to climb out of the bed, but his legs give out. “Shit.”

“We’ve got you,” Kerr says, quickly grabbing him.

We’ve got you .

We.

And yes, we do. I’m already holding Landon’s right arm while Kerr takes the other. We escort him into the shower, and I make up an excuse about being thirsty so I can leave them alone for a minute.

We’ve got you .

Three simple words.

We’ve got you .

Such a comfort.

Feeling too vulnerable, I tear the sheet off the bed and wrap myself in it, then head to the kitchen to get each of us some water. I feel hungover. My stomach and head hurt. I think I have heartburn.

The conversation I had with Mason plays on repeat in my brain …

“Want my advice?”

“Sure.”

“Walk away.”

My body locks as my heart slips out of me and splatters on the polished floor. “What?”

“Walk away, Nicole. Leave everything behind and follow your heart. Wherever it leads you, that’s where you belong.”

The fact that I thought he was telling me to walk away from Kerrington and Landon, and the visceral reaction my instincts had to it, is a wake-up call.

“I don’t think I know how.”

To walk away from my entire life would be easy. But to walk away from my family too? I don’t think I have the courage. I love my parents. Whether or not I’m good enough for them, I still love them. I still want them in my life. The idea of them not supporting me and my choices guts me as much as the thought of cutting them out of my life does.

But they’ve never supported me the way I’ve needed, so why do I care so much? Besides, they’ll never accept me having two men in my life.

“What if it’s fleeting?” I ask, letting him see the raw fear I’m clinging to. “What if I’m just a phase for them, Mason?”

I’ll have given up my whole world and they’ll only use me up and spit me out when I’m too boring, too annoying, or too frustrating to deal with.

“Does it feel like it’s a phase?” He cocks his brow at me.

“It feels like it’s too soon for this conversation.”

Mason does this little side nod thing that tells me he might just agree. “What if I told you they’ve been in love with you since college?”

That’s impossible. I was horrible back in those days. Completely unlovable. “I’d say you’re reaching, and that’s unhelpful.”

“I’m telling you the truth.” He deadpans me. “They never touched you because of me. I’m no longer an issue, so they grabbed you the first chance they could.”

At the gala.

My mind reels thinking about that night again. We were so perfect. So right. So happy. I’d gaslighted myself so many times into believing that it was just a wild night where we could each be someone we’re not. It was a fantasy. A rebellious act that wasn’t meant to last.

But that’s not the truth.

We were ourselves. We were real. And we were so. Fucking. Happy.

“Walk away,” Mason says again. “You won’t regret it, Nicole.”

Kerrington’s laugh brings me out of my head. Filling three glasses with ice water, I tuck them against my chest and carry them into the bedroom. Landon’s pulling sweatpants on and Kerrington’s drying off his hair.

My heart bubbles with joy at seeing them like this.

“I have water.” Hurrying to Landon first, he takes two of the glasses and hands one to Kerrington. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He kisses my forehead, making me feel precious, and I almost spill the beans and tell them everything I’ve been holding back.

But my cell phone suddenly rings and I shut down automatically when I see the number.

TW .

My blood runs cold.

“Are you going to answer it?” Landon asks, innocently.

Not a chance.