Page 31 of Bonding Beasts (Bonding: The Ultimate Guide #3)

That’s what happened to her! Someone took advantage of my newly shiny, innocent wifey and made her hardcore.

She needs me to keep them away so she can keep fighting off the Goddess.

I can do that. I just need to find out who, make a list, check it a few times, play tic-tac-toe, wait, what was the first part again?

“Find out who,” Ben says calmly.

What a good doggo. And a mind reader, too! His voodoo never ceases to surprise me.

“You’re actually talking out loud,” His lip quirks up in a semi-smile.

How come he gets to do that, and I can’t? Smiles should be free, and I now have to pay tax? This reality sucks! I’m not pacing? I should be moving around! Why am I standing still?

“Is this common?” Ben asks King. He shouldn’t talk to the heart ripper. He’s a heart ripper . I’m not going to allow such a bad influence around our pet.

“ You are the heart ripper, apparently,” King replies as they watch me. “Iris wanted me to give it to you after all.”

One second, I’m standing still, and then I’m moving. Finally!

My tail listens to me for once and slides under the bottom of King’s chair, lifting him above the table and pitching him across the room.

No one touches my wifey’s heart. She’s a good guy now. Good girl? Good hermaphrodite, I don’t care! That heart is now a treasure chest to plunder for goodies in a romantic way, not a ripping way. It’s mine! You can’t have my booty. Am I yelling?

The chair breaks as he lands on his face, and I’m in front of him before he can take a breath, punting him in the face hard enough that he flips up and onto his back sans chair base. His legs and arms have sticks attached, but that’s ok. The trend won’t have a chance to catch on when he’s dead.

I raise my tail like a mighty anvil and bring it down onto his chest with enough force to entrench his carcass into the dirt.

Or I was supposed to.

Before I can make contact with the villain’s chest, the dog is there, arms braced in an X shape as he crouches over our nemesis. It’s too late to halt my swing, but I try to pull back anyway. Only monsters try to pulverize their pets.

Hefting back as hard as I can, the doggo’s arms take the brunt of the force meant to annihilate our foe.

His eyes widen as the force bends his arms, snapping them and forcing him into a deeper crouch until he’s sitting on King’s chest. His forearms rest limply on his forehead, elbows further down on his chest from the clean breaks.

His eyes turn to me, doing their voodoo despite his surprise.

I pull the tail back. I need to get our dog to the vet. That’s not natural. I don’t know CPR.

He stands slowly and drops his useless arms, shaking them until the dirt/smoke/stuff rights all his bones and muscles .

Good, I don’t know if we can afford the bills at the vet’s place. They charge an arm and a leg. Or maybe they’ll just take two arms. I would have made it work.

Ben uses one foot to scoot the growling King out of the reach of my tail. Or so he thinks.

“If you damage him, Bees will want to heal him. Do you want to wake her? She’s so tired and in pain.” He asks, oh-so-calm.

Oh, I get it now! He’s not siding with the bad guy. He’s protecting my wifey! Damn, that’s a good dog. I’m adding treats to the list when I go out. He’s going to be the most spoiled dog ever!

“We’re just going to pretend this didn’t happen,” he smirks back over his shoulder at King’s struggle to sit up.

He’s caught his breath but isn’t very mobile as a stick figure.

What a wuss. His face is drenched in blood from his broken nose.

Is he missing teeth? That’s so exciting!

If I find them, I can gift them to sugartits!

He opens his mouth to spew vitriol, but Ben interrupts him, “His wifey is sleeping. Do. Not. Wake. Her.”

He doesn’t have to emphasize it so much. King speaks English. He’ll get it. And if he doesn’t, we can just beat it into him a little more.

King’s brow furrows as his eyes flick between me and the doggo.

“Let’s all just get some sleep and make a plan in the morning,” Ben continues, speaking so slowly I’m having trouble understanding him.

“How come they get to stay the night,” is my voice losing taste now?

Ben sighs and glances at me over his shoulder, “They have no place to go currently. They have until dawn to figure it out. Bees may be sympathetic, but I’m sure I could convince her that you’re all evil without much more than a whisper in her ear. And then I get an early breakfast.”

After that threat, he heads towards the hall where Mitri and Bae disappeared earlier. “The hall on that side has three bedrooms. Enjoy your stay.”

“Psycho,” King holds his arms up and shakes his hands.

That’s not my name. Sugartits gave me a name, and that isn’t it. Fuck this guy, he doesn’t know me.

Oh yeah! That’s why I’m going out! Field trip!

I walk out the front door as King hisses curses behind me, gently closing the door.

The faeries are real out here. They’re everywhere .

Do you think that little twig is safe on the ground?

Nu-uh. BAM , there’s a faery. They look antsy as they watch me open the fence and step out.

I’m sure they’re confused because Mitri didn’t tell them he ‘convinced’ the Hag to give access to the ward to us.

Their faces when he hauled us all inside were priceless. I’ve never missed my laughter more.

I make my way to Mitri’s car. The idiots followed us to the doggo’s house like we were all besties. Then, oops, there’s Mitri. I haven’t given him the full account of what happened while he was dead, but he’s got good instincts for blame-laying.

I’m going to one-up his gift-giving if it kills me.

Once behind the wheel, I take a second to remember how to drive. Once it comes back, I notice that the spell charge is at a quarter of a tank. Guess I shouldn’t waste any ‘gas’ then. I pull my phone out and look up the address I need.

People are so stupid they have everything available on social media.

It only takes a few Featurebook scrolls to find what I’m looking for.

And to like a few memes and post the picture of Mal’s indignant face.

Then it’s to the interspells and gaggle to look up a few things and then come up with an address, phone number, and how much they make a year? Wow, that’s big bucks.

I set the phone on the dash with the maps open, so I don’t have to figure out directions and head out.

I take the long way just to hear the map’s foreign voice say, ‘recasting’ over and over, hitting potholes at high speed to shake the undercarriage and flashing the lights on and off.

I reach my destination and circle around it about fifty times before the spell juice runs out, and the vehicle stalls. Oops.

Then, I remove the engine's sparker and cut a few wires and tubes that leave neon fluid everywhere. My bad.

Guess Hubby #2 will think twice about keeping me out of my wifey’s room. I know that’s why he went in there, to watch over her. I can watch over her too, you know. The dog may want to placate sugartits, but Mitri will shoot first and ask questions never.

Maybe him being there with the dog is allowing me to go on my field trip, so I guess this punishment is a little harsh. Oh well. No regrets.

I walk right through the flimsy ward, feeling it shatter into pieces around me.

Stupid Others and their crappy protection.

Don’t they know interdimensional beings are superior by now?

Or are we still a hush-hush secret? Even Mitri doesn’t know about this little trick. Whatever, their loss, my gain.

There aren’t any guards on duty here. Who does that? I mean, I don’t have guards, but I’m awesome. This chick is definitely not awesome. I don’t even need to meet her to know.

Featurebook shows a million sins in the form of quack face selfies and political rants. You think you know a person, and then their messy custody battle is right there. People need to go on field trips more.

The windows are unlocked.

I sigh. I thought this would be more fun. It's at least worth a few giggles, even if I can’t laugh. I could have saved this memory for later when the funnies came back. Now, it’s just another boring thing.

I leave the window open, curtains billowing in the breeze. No one is stirring inside, so no worries there. I check the front door.

What the fuck. She locks the door but not the windows? I go back to the window and slip through silently. This is getting tedious.

I hear a light snoring from one of the rooms and head directly there. This whole plan was a waste of time, and I need to get to the store before it closes. I have a dog to spoil.

She’s lying on her stomach, blankets pooled around her waist. She’s short and petite and reminds me of GV, which gives me a shudder.

That disgusting pus yellow hair, I bet her eyes are big and blue too.

The quiver travels down my spine to my tail, making it rattle on the floor. Even that doesn’t wake her.

What’s a guy gotta do to scare the crap out of someone these days? Oh, I know.

I leap onto the bed and start jumping, lips pulled back in a malicious smile that I don’t feel inside.

She tries to sit up but flounders in place like a landed fish. I could set up my phone to take a picture, holding her up like a trout.

Damn it, that was funny! Come back, laugh!

The springy mattress gives a groan before the base breaks with a loud crunch under my weight. I stop jumping to see if she’s surprised.

Yup, she’s staring up at me with eyes bulging out in terror, and yes, they are blue.

Score for Kimi.

“Good gloaming, Delegate Tremaine. Would you mind giving me a hand ?”