Page 25 of Bonding Beasts (Bonding: The Ultimate Guide #3)

The warm water is soothing enough that it relaxes my screaming muscles. The pelting irritates all the bruising, though, and my knees are weak, so I sit on the shower floor. The great thing about showers? They’re relaxing, and no one can hear you crying.

I let myself lose it under the waterfall, my butt cramping up from the chill of the tiles. Once I feel calm enough to think, instead of panicking, I reach for the soap bar and lather up. It smells like Ben, which starts the tears up again.

I have to apologize to him, for real, this time. I’m dreading it because, for all intents and purposes, he just walked away after calling his Mommy. Where do you go with friendship after that? Or anything else really, not that it seems he’s interested in that.

Adding Mitri to the mix makes my confused feelings even worse. The man murdered his wife for cheating. He’s not going to tolerate interest going elsewhere in the least. I’m not sure if I want to pursue anything with him or if he can reciprocate my feelings.

Am I seriously having emotional angst in the middle of a missing persons search with a corrupt governing body sweeping it under the rug? What kind of person does that make me? Hello guilt, my old friend.

Okay, prioritize.

Step one: apologize to Ben. Damn you, emotions!

Step two is to find Mitri. Again, damn you !

Step three: did anyone survive the manor? Besides Kimi, he would refuse to die out of spite .

If so, are they all okay mentally? I wouldn’t be. Scratch that. I am not okay.

Is King a puppet or a player with the Delegates?

How long do I have until Kimi kills me?

Shit, I’m losing focus here.

Step one: finish showering !

Baby steps.

I put the plan into action, pulling myself to the knobs to turn the water off.

I pull back the curtain, trying to decide if I have the strength to walk out of here or should I say goodbye to dignity and crawl for it.

I’m looking for a towel when my eyes stop on a bathroom mat, rucked up from my struggle with Ben.

“Oh, come on! ” I scream out in frustration.

Lynn Singleton’s missing poster does not respond.

The bathroom door opens on a smiling Scilla. She peruses my nude form as I glare at her. I know I locked that. Her eyes drift to the floor, and she smoothly picks up the paper with Lynn’s smiling image.

“Makes sense,” she shrugs and drops the sheet back where she found it.

“Absolutely nothing makes sense right now!” I argue for no explainable reason. I don’t make sense right now.

Scilla rolls her eyes at me. “The girl is a mage. She has spelled the report to follow anyone with a passing interest in finding her. This means she is currently alive and awaiting rescue.”

She waves the words away as if they mean nothing to her.

To me, it means everything.

“She’s alive?” I gasp, and suddenly, I have the strength to stand and confront Scilla head-on.

“We have bigger problems, you and I,” she gestures between us with a single finger and a dainty frown. “I’ve left clothes for you on Ben’s nest. Dress.”

She leaves after she gives the command, and I fume.

One half of me is convinced I’m not wearing anything around her because she told me to dress. The other half says it's a bad idea. She’d like that.

I dry and dress, refusing to sniffle because they’re Ben’s clothes. A pair of cut-off sweatpants made into shorts and a Duran Duran shirt that both smell like him. I miss him already.

How long has it been since we’ve been separated for any length of time? Am I codependent?

Scilla isn’t in the room, so I’m left in relative peace and anxiety-ridden nerves, waiting to find out what her issue with me is now.

Getting clothes on is taking a lot longer than it should.

I have to stop and rest after putting one foot through the hole in the shorts for my leg. This is ridiculous and painful.

As soon as I finish dressing and start milling around, examining posters, and putting off finding her, Scilla returns with a fancy silver tray with a tea set ready to be poured.

It reminds me of that kid’s book about the Fae teatime. Where did that thing end up? Are there library fines if you don’t go to that school? Questions for later.

“Have a seat,” she smiles and sets the tray on a side table so far back against the wall it’s basically just a stand for a lamp.

When I glare at her, the smiling facade cracks, and she demandingly says, “Sit.”

I raise an eyebrow and silently refuse.

Her gold and black eyes narrow on me before she sniffs in disapproval and pours two cups of tea.

“Now, what’s this I hear about you being mated?” She brings the cup to her lips and gently blows as she eyes me over the steam.

“Mated?” I ask in confusion. “No, bonded. Plus, it’s broken now, so I don’t know - “

“Mated,” she intones darkly with a glare.

“A bond denotes trust in the person you’ve attached to and vice versa.

A true mating happens without conscious thought or decision.

However, the pull between two bonded increases over time to become a mating.

You have mated, whether you realize it or not. And not to my Benji, might I add.”

Her disapproval washes over me as I try to reconcile what little I know with what she’s telling me. It could be a lie. I wouldn’t put it past her. But this involves Ben, and she’s always serious about him.

“I’m supposed to be bonded to Ben? Says who, you?” I’m not touching the whole mate thing with a ten-foot pole.

Come inside, denial. There’s beer in the fridge. Make yourself at home.

“Says Hastur,” she sneers.

“Who the fuck is Hastur?” I ask with enough disdain to emphasize that whoever that is means nothing to me.

“Careful,” she smiles slyly. “Saying the King’s name has… consequences.”

“Okay, Candyman,” I roll my eyes, and she breaks into the most indelicate laughter I’ve ever heard from her.

Despite the dismissal, I can’t help but feel as if eyes are on me, creeping across my skin in a slow wave of menace and curiosity. I shake it off. Scilla always makes me uneasy, so her bullshit deity being played up is just making my anxiety rear its ugly head.

Scilla shivers in delight, and her smile gets wider, her sigil glowing as bright as a flare in a dark sky.

“Thank you, Beatrice ,” she emphasizes my name oddly as her eyes track to an empty corner of the room. “ You’re such a delight and entertaining in your immunity . I’ll continue testing you accordingly.”

She closes her eyes, gives a deep nod after the strange comment, and straightens up.

The odd feeling of a penetrating stare fades from my back, but it feels reluctant, like a lingering, creepy touch you can’t wash away. I shudder and look to the corner, creeped out by the sensation, to find it empty.

“To get back to the point,” I turn back to see her watching me with narrowed eyes of speculation. “Why is my pet not with you?”

“He is with me.” I hope he can forgive my crazy train breakdown.

“But not with you . Bond him. You are squandering my gift to you.”

“He is not your gift to me! He has thoughts and feelings of his own,” I grit my teeth to make an effort at being civil. “The bond is there, but it’s blocked. It isn’t like with Mitri.”

“Of course not. It’s a true mating,” she muses.

“I call bullshit. He doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

Scilla’s eyes narrow to slits as she hisses, “What?”

“He said he was happy for me to be connected to Mitri. Practically pushed me into his lap like, ‘Hey, your problem now’!” I wave my hands dramatically in the air as I yell. Big mistake, it’s agonizing.

She takes a moment to absorb my rant as I pace. I’m just warming my legs up, stretching out the sore muscles. I’m not pacing in emotional angst. Nuh-uh, not me.

“You poor, pathetic Human,” she mutters with a shake of her head.

My pacing stops abruptly as I glare at her.

“I forgot how little you know of anything. You’ve only recently come from under your rock.

Others do not have a single spouse, you fool.

Not enough females are on this side of the divide to make it feasible.

I have seen females with ten mates easily.

He is supporting your happiness in the hopes that he will be one of your chosen. ”

Brain.Explosion.

Mab’s guards… maybe her husbands? Shit, she’s pregnant. What was that conversation like? The Salt House guys blatantly said they were Laverne Rodriques’ husbands. I thought they were just an outlier, not the standard.

“They all have multiple husbands…” I gape at Scilla like the idiot I currently feel like.

“Yeeees,” she agrees, drawing out the ‘e’ unnecessarily.

“So, I’m expected to…”

“Yeees?”

That’s a lot to juggle. Literally.

“I have a choice,” I argue weakly. “I don’t have to deal with several male egos at once. I could be celibate!”

I really couldn’t, but it is an option.

Scilla is shaking her head with a smile. “Best of luck with that. Being, and I quote, ‘The Last Mender,’ there will be many who will try to force the issue. Best if you connect to your own choices now so you can have the protection.”

I can’t right now. No. Nope. #Single forever. The bond with Mitri can stay cut, and I can just walk out of this territory with my middle fingers in the air.

Even thinking of it makes my heart cramp, and I know deep down that it isn’t from the physical abuse it just suffered through.

Hold up a second…

“Who are you quoting?”

“The Other Dunmas Times, of course. A reputable news source that follows stories from downtown,” she shrugs as if unconcerned, but her sly smile says she’s stirring shit.

“Bullshit,” I say weakly.

“Hmmm. You’ve made a splash, little mender. There are consequences.”

The scientists could find me. No, they’re all dead. I saw them. There’s no way. It’s an Other newspaper, not Human. Surely, that would stay on this side of the divide.

Insane me thought this would be freedom.

She’s a moron.

Which means I’m a moron.

Before I can comment, Ben’s head pops through the doorway hesitantly.

He opens his mouth, and I interrupt before he can speak, “I’m so sorry, Ben. I freaked out. Did I hurt you?”

He blinks twice, and his eyes slide towards his Mother, who smiles sweetly at him.

“I found Mitri,” he says after a little silent communication with Scilla. “He’s asking me to bring you to him. Do you feel up to that?”

No. This perfect man - monster, whatever - did not leave me to find the guy I was freaking out about.

After I tried to beat him up over it. Who does that?

What kind of nice guy bullshit is this? Fuck him for being so perfect.

For real. I feel tears welling up, and I’m trying to force them down.

“Ben?” I can’t help the wobble in my voice.

“Yes?” He comes through the door with a curious yet hesitant head tilt.

“Come here,” I point to the floor in front of me and lower my head.

He stands where I indicated, shoulders back, without a question.

I throw myself at him, climbing him like a tree until my legs are wrapped around his hips, arms clamping around his neck to bury my face there.

I don’t have the words to tell him how much it means to me, and I doubt I ever will, so I settle on a whiney, “Yes, please.”