Page 22 of Bonding Beasts (Bonding: The Ultimate Guide #3)

This was definitely not the other person’s choice. I always considered myself a monster for the things I did in the lab, but this feels so much worse.

“She could have been manipulated too, Ben. What if I could have helped her? I didn’t even give killing her a second thought. Just, bam, bye, GV.”

Ben’s bare feet slide in to gently frame my thighs. “What would she have done if you hadn’t killed her?”

“What would she have done if I had helped her? How can I call myself a healer if- “

“If you defend a group of people who were helpless?” he interrupts me with a growl.

“Sometimes it takes force to remove filth. She threatened us, and you reacted exactly how any of us would have reacted. Do you think I would have stopped at killing just her? I wouldn’t have stopped and wouldn’t feel bad about it. ”

“Ben-”

“No. I know exactly what you’re afraid of, and I’m telling you to stop and think. You are not becoming the Goddess . We both know that she would have never protected anyone. She would have let GV kill us all to laugh about it later. You are not that , and I don’t think you ever will be.”

Of course, he knows. He’s been inside every nightmare with me, watching and sometimes pulling me out of them when I can’t handle the psychological trauma anymore. I never want to be like her.

“What if this is just the start? And I keep going down that path, and then…” I trail off hesitantly.

“I’ll be with you, no matter what.” He shrugs without a care.

“There’s a good chance I would kill you too, Ben. Please don’t let me get like that. Please.”

He watches me silently before he bends his knees up and rises from the ground, offering me his hands.

I hesitate and then take them, letting him pull me up until I stand unsteadily. He braces me up with his hands on my hips. The only reason I don’t lean into him is the feeling of his hands causing the bruises underneath to flare with pain despite the gentleness of his hold.

“I’d say give it your best shot.”

Seriously? Give it my best shot? What’s with the attitude?

“Why is it that every male I’ve met that’s immortal is all, ‘Go ahead and just do it’? The ego, man,” I roll my eyes as my lips quirk up.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t act the same, Bees,” he gives me a crooked grin. “At least Mitri doesn’t play it up.”

“He totally does…” I trail off as I search for the green thread.

It’s gone. There isn’t a flicker of green anywhere.

“Hey, what’s happening?” I ask the spark, but it continues lying dormant and steady.

He should be back by now. He’s immortal. Why are we not connected?

“Ben, I can’t feel him,” my voice emerges filled with panic as I meet his vivid gaze. “I can’t feel Mitri. He was still in the chair when you left, right? Was he alive again?”

“I didn’t check him, Bees,” he frowns and tilts his head to the side. “Maybe when you died, it muddled things up?”

“I felt him disappear when she killed him. It would come back if he’s alive again, right?” I can’t keep the panic from my tone as I grip his biceps tightly.

“I think so? I’m not an expert on bonds. I’m only going off of what I’ve been told,” he tries to calm me with a soft tone, but it isn’t working. I can feel the anxiety building in my chest, cutting off my air.

“We have to find him, Ben. Now! ” I try to pull away, but his grip tightens painfully over my hips. He jerks me into his chest and wraps both arms around me, forcing my head into his shoulder with one hand.

“You are not going anywhere,” his voice carries the echo of the beast underneath. “You are wounded and weak right now. I’m not taking you into a dangerous situation.”

“But-”

“ No .”

“Ben, he needs me -”

“No, he doesn’t. He’s ancient. He knows what he’s doing.”

“He can’t know what he’s doing if he’s dead , Ben! He’s vulnerable!”

I begin to struggle in his arms, ending up doing nothing but hurting myself more. He doesn’t tighten his grip on me, allowing me to thrash until I’m weak and gasping through the pain.

“This is what you’ll feel like if we run into trouble right now.” His tone is decisive and angry. “And that’s if you’re lucky.”

I suck in a breath, and a sob rips its way out of me.

I know distantly that I’m being irrational, but I can’t stop it.

Everything in me is freaking out that Mitri’s gone, and I can’t check in with him.

It doesn’t matter that he’s immortal, emotionless, or a killer.

He’s… mine. I can’t even feel Vendetta or Peacemaker.

Did I drop Vendetta when I died? I don’t remember. Is he on a cold floor waiting for Mitri to pick him up again?

Mitri was wearing a collar, a nullifier. What if he can’t come back unless it’s removed? There are too many questions and what-ifs.

The sobs are choking me just as badly as the panic attack, and I begin to struggle again wildly, forcing Ben to clamp my arms to my sides as he holds on.

“Let me go!” I scream, trying to pull my face away from his neck, but his hand is pressing to the base of my skull, keeping me still.

I don’t know how long he stands there while I scream myself hoarse and kick at his shins. He never wavers.

When my strength finally runs out, all the damage I inflicted on myself slams into me, taking my weak knees out until Ben is the only thing holding me up.

“Baby,” he chokes out. “Please, take a deep breath for me.”

I ignore him and continue crying, silent now that my voice has given out. If I had my powers, I would put Ben to sleep and just walk out right now.

I’m so angry with him. I’m angry with my weakness and the fact that I’m, once again, bawling my eyes out. When did I get to be such an emotional mess?

Ben gently sets me down on the floor, and I sit there, crying big, fat, useless tears, while he steps past me and starts the shower. I’m so exhausted I can’t even force myself to try and crawl away.

“Come on, the shower will help,” he reaches out for me, and I turn my face away.

He stands up straight and makes a growling chuff sound before he walks out. I guess he’s done with this temper tantrum. Good, let him stay gone.

Even thinking that makes me cry harder, fighting to not call him back.

I’m not a child. I shouldn’t be acting like one. I’m on a fast track to losing my only friend if I don’t shape up. Is that what I want? No, I don’t. Because as much as I consider Mitri mine, Ben is in the same boat whether he likes it or not.

A shadow falls over me from the doorway, and I don’t pick up my head as I whisper, “I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re tired, insane, and weak,” a sultry feminine voice replies. “In pain and with a broken mate bond. I would say being coherent is the best you could do for now.”

I look up into Scilla’s narrowed golden eyes and wince.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.