Page 63

Asrai’s scowl slowly faded as she leaned back into her chair, the corners of her lips curling up. “That does seem like a fair trade.”

“I will worry about my side of the deal when or if we get that far. For now, my only focus is the next forty-eight hours,” Cin said as she stood. “It’s late, we should all rest and conserve our energy.”

Slowly, everyone stood, the quiet scraping of chairs against wood and chatter echoing through the room as it emptied. I stayed seated, pushing my chair onto its back legs and lifting my boots onto the table as Cin let out a heavy sigh beside me.

“I could watch you scold Asrai all fucking day,” I said, finally letting amusement flood my features as I looked up at her.

A breathy chuckle escaped her lips. “I should probably apologize, it seemed a bit harsh.”

“Absolutely not,” I snapped as my boots fell back to the floor with a loud thud. “Own your authority Cin. She is not our headmaster anymore and you are about to become her Queen. She is the one that should be apologizing for her condescension.”

Cin groaned. “Gods, a Queen . I am actually going to be a Queen.”

A grin broke onto my lips as I stood and bowed to her.

“Never do that again.” She laughed, draping an arm around my shoulders as we turned and walked into the sitting room to find Landers already immersed in maps he had strewn about the small table beside him.

She planted a kiss on my forehead before striding over to Landers and letting her arms fall over the back of his chair, her fingers caressing gently over his chest. He tilted his chin up toward her as a soft smile formed on his lips, his hands moving to slide over her forearms.

“I am going to bed,” she said, pressing her lips to his. I leaned against the hearth, flicking my fingers toward it and watching as the flames danced to life. “Try not to maim each other in my absence.”

I tilted my head, flashing a grin. “I can try, but I make no promises.”

She shook her head, giving Landers another kiss before walking into the bedchamber and closing the door.

“Have you seen Cyloe?” I asked, turning toward the bar cart in the corner of the room and pulling the stopper from the decanter to pour myself a drink.

“As a matter of fact, I have,” Landers said, grinning as I turned to face him. He gestured his head toward the home’s entrance and I followed his line of sight. “She almost gave Wren a heart attack on his way out.”

My eyes landed on the reptile coiled around the bamboo beams separating the small foyer to the sitting room and cringed.

I fucking hated snakes .

She slithered down the smooth surface and as her scaled belly hit the ground I watched as she morphed back into wolf form. It was such an unnatural, beautiful thing to watch and I wondered if that was what it looked like when I shifted from skin to skin.

“What you said to Gimara,” Landers started and I braced myself for a scolding. “It was needed and I am glad you said it.”

I blinked at him.

That was not where I expected this to go.

“We are lucky to have you on our side. You are lethal and unashamed of it. That is needed in times like these. I am glad you are back,” he said, glancing back down at his maps.

Back .

He said it so casually, as if I had been off on holiday and not actively destroying everything I loved.

But it was true, I was back. I had made it out of hell. A small smile crept onto my lips at the thought.

Maybe I wasn’t as broken as I’d believed.

“Why her?” I asked, as I turned to Landers and watched the flames dance across his features. “You could’ve had anyone, in all these centuries. Why choose her?”

A brief silence passed between us as he set down the map he was holding.

“I had no choice in it,” he said, a light chuckle falling from his lips as he glanced up to meet my stare. “You know, the first time the idea of loving her ever crossed my mind was in the safe house in Locdragoon, when she slapped me with her shadows.”

He smiled almost to himself, pulling his eyes to the fire as I fell into the chair beside him.

“I remember that,” I said, a faint smile pulling at the corners of my mouth. “You were being your usual insufferable self, as I recall.”

He let out a breathy laugh and nodded. “The first thought that went through my head when she did that was: ‘I think I could love this woman.’ It was fleeting and inconsequential in that moment, but it stuck in the back of my mind. And as I watched her, as I learned about her, that thought became louder, more persistent.” He ran a hand through his hair, leaning further into his chair.

“She is the most exquisite creature I have ever seen. Her beauty is unlike anything I have ever laid eyes on and still, it is the least interesting thing about her.”

It was such an accurate description of Cin. Her beauty could steal the breath from your lungs but it didn’t come close to the heart she had.

Nothing could compare to that.

“She has this hunger, this need to learn and grow that I have never witnessed in anyone.” Landers looked up at me, his green eyes dancing in the dim lighting.

“I have lived a long time, Ataliia. I have seen empires rise and fall. I have been the reason for some of the atrocities written into The Stories and have witnessed the best and the worst of what humanity has to offer. But in all these years, in everything I have seen, she is the first person that made me want to be better—to do better. And not for her, not for my realm or my people, but for me.”

He fell quiet for a long moment as Cyloe shifted in front of the fire, her wolf’s tail softly thumbing against the wooden floor panels.

“I really tried to fight it,” he admitted softly as a sigh slipped between his lips.

“I told myself that I was not worthy of her, that she deserved someone better. But it was a battle I could not win. She challenges me in ways I never thought possible. She sees beyond the facade I present to the world, beyond the power and the titles. She sees me . She understands me in a way I have never experienced. Her love, her mere presence, has become a balm to wounds I thought would never heal. She is my anchor, my home.”

I took a sip from my cup, my eyes staying fixed on the flames in front of us. “Aren’t you scared that loving her will only open you up to more heartache?”

“Of course,” he answered, pausing only briefly. “Love is the most exquisite kind of torture. Pain will come from the presence of it, and from its absence—but in choosing love, you are choosing not to endure that pain alone.”

I tore my eyes from the fire and watched him, taken aback by the depth and outpouring of his feelings. There was poetry weaved into the way he spoke about her. And for only a second, I wondered if Ardan had ever spoken of me like this.

“You are much like me, you know,” Landers said, smiling as he glanced at me with the tilt of his head.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes as a corner of my mouth lifted. “I’m not sure that’s a positive thing.”

“It is”—his smile deepened—“and it is not.” He chuckled, propping his chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“You do not believe you deserve love, yet you love at a depth not many can understand. You pretend as if you do not, but you do. And the mere thought of letting anyone see that frightens you. Because if they see it, if you let them in—it makes it real. Makes it tangible. But I can promise you, not showing that love does not shield you from the pain that comes with losing them. But at least, when they do die—and we all will eventually—they will die knowing they were loved by you, and that is the only thing that really matters.” He looked fully at me, such sincerity dripping from his features.

“Though I think this is a lesson you have already learned.”

A single tear slipped from my eye and I brushed it away as I nodded.

“The guilt of that has consumed me. That I didn’t tell him when I had the chance,” I whispered, swallowing the lump inching up my throat. “He never heard me tell him that I loved him. But I did— I do , love him. And I’m scared that I will never be able to give that love to someone else.”

“You do not have to give it to someone else, Ataliia. The love you have for him is his, something only the mix of your two souls could create. But the heart will always make room for more and you will find it is big enough to hold space for every ounce of it.”

More tears began to flow as Landers extended his hand to me over the table sitting between us and I stared at it for a short moment before slipping mine into it. He wrapped his fingers around mine with a gentle squeeze.

“I love you, changeling. You are a thorn in my side, but you are my sister and I love you.”