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Chapter twenty-seven

ATALIIA

I stood across from a house that was mine now.

It couldn’t have looked less like home, less— lonely .

It was bigger than I’d expected, just on the outskirts of Nethkar.

It sat alone on the edge of the forest, just across the clearing in front of me, and the hollowness, the emptiness of the view, felt like a symbol.

A reflection of what I had let my life become—the life I had created.

The key felt like a weight tied to my heart, as if it was chained around that muscle and pulling it into the depths of the blackest sea. Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I twisted the key between my fingers as I tried to force myself to move toward it.

“Are you going to look inside?” Andrues asked as he pulled his hood over his head.

It was snowing, but I hadn’t noticed when it started, hadn’t felt the cold flakes hitting my skin. The only thing I could feel was this twist in my stomach, the gut-wrenching feeling that this house—the house that was once my dream—would now become my cage.

A cage whose iron bars were intricately carved from every hateful word, every selfish action, every emotional and physical bruise I had left on the ones I loved.

“W-will you come with me?” I whispered the words, forcing the question from my mouth, embarrassed that I even had to ask it—that I was scared to do this alone.

His gaze scanned the side of my face but I didn’t dare look at him, too afraid of the pity I would find in those blue eyes. A sharp gasp left my lips and I flinched, my eyes shooting down to the warmth that brushed against my hand to see Andrues fingers slowly intertwine with mine.

His silent answer; his quiet presence pushing me forward.

Dragging my eyes from our hands, he took that first step for me as I sucked in a deep breath and followed.

My grip tightened as we walked across the clearing in silence, the snow dancing around us and our boots crunching against the frozen ground. I glanced toward him from the corner of my eye to see snow flakes catching in his raven lashes.

His cheeks had begun to flush from the cold and I watched as his lips parted, his breath flowing between them like smoke swirling in the air, and for a single moment my heart stuttered in my chest at the sight.

He pulled my hand up toward his mouth as we approached the stone steps leading up to the doorway, his lips brushing over my knuckles and blowing hot air onto my fingertips.

A shiver slid down my spine.

Not from the cold, not from the winter chill, but the feeling of his lips dusting over my skin. His gaze met mine before I could avert my eyes and I pulled away from him, the movement sharp and uncontrolled. The corners of his lips tilted up as he turned toward the locked door in front of us.

Something in the way he looked at me felt comforting, felt . . . good , and the feeling made my body instinctively recoil into itself.

I cleared my throat, trying to shake the painful pulse from each beat of my heart as I pushed the key into the lock and turned.

A sound somewhere between a squeal of joy and a painful gasp choked out of my throat as I pushed the door open to see a home.

Not an empty, lonely, skeleton of a house.

Not a prison.

A home .

There was love inside these walls.

Standing there, in that open doorway, with the afternoon wind blowing gusts of snow against my back, a solitary tear fell down my cheek.

And for the first time, I wasn’t ashamed of it.

Andrues’s hand fell to the small of my back, his palm applying a small amount of pressure and giving me a gentle push forward, just enough for him to close the door as my eyes drank in the space.

The foyer was open and round, with a staircase to the right that curved up to a den and a second one to the left that curved toward a hallway with doors lining each side.

In the center of the room sat a round, black stone table with a book propped into a stand, draped open with a dagger set across its pages.

I walked closer, my fingers gliding over the walls painted in the darkest crimson I had ever seen.

My eyes fell to the pages of the book, sliding over the longhand and feeling the rough texture of the pressed paper sing to every nerve in my fingertips.

There was something about books, about reading. The way you could disappear into them, hide between their pages for just a moment when the pain was too much.

I think books saved me these last few months.

Pulling my eyes away from the page, I looked down the long corridor in front of me and stepped around the table, following it to the back house.

Tapestries hung on the enclosed walls, shadow boxes of moths and butterflies with their wings pinned open, scattered between them—perfectly aligned and color coordinated with each other.

The hallway opened up into a kitchen that was brightly lit from the light pouring through two glass doors at the back of the house. They led out onto a covered porch that overlooked the forest and a small river cutting through the ground, twisting and turning between the trees.

It was everything I had ever wanted.

It was more than I had ever imagined.

And it was mine .

Slowly, I turned to face Andrues. He was leaning against the archway that connected the hallway to the kitchen, his hands tucked into his pockets as he smiled softly at the awe I knew was plastered onto my face.

“Did you know about this? That it was going to be . . . this ?” I asked, waving my hands toward everything that was so perfectly organized.

“Yes.” He pushed from the wall. “Do you want to see my favorite part?” he asked as a radiant smile broke onto his lips. He gestured his chin over his shoulder, turning to lead me back down the corridor as I followed behind him.

We walked to the right of the foyer, stopping at the base of the staircase as I peaked my head through the large rounded arch that led into a sitting room.

It was full of black velvet couches and chairs with crimson accent pillows and blankets strewn across them.

A large fireplace was tucked into the wall with a bow and quiver hanging above it and a silver dagger with a ruby hilt displayed on the mantle.

A smile crept over my lips thinking of all the books I was going to read in those chairs as I turned back to the stairs to see Andrues had already climbed them.

“What?” I asked as I watched him grin down at me from the landing.

He stretched his hand out to me. “Come see.”

I took the steps two at a time and followed Andrues’s line of sight as I reached the second floor. A gasp left my mouth as my fingers slowly brushed over my lips, my eyes widening with each new sweep they took around the huge vaulted room.

No, not a room.

A library .

Mahogany bookshelves that seemed to reach for the sky lined the walls, each one packed tightly with hundreds of books of all shapes and sizes—their spines adding a rainbow of color against the deep blue walls that seemed to match Andrues’s eyes.

The air was heavy with the rich smell of polished wood and old leather and I filled my lungs with it.

My hand slid up Andrues’s arm, my fingers wrapping around his bicep as I stared into the room in disbelief. “Andrues, this is—”

“Magnificent,” he said, finishing the sentence as I looked up at him.

“Did . . . did you do this?” I whispered the question, scared that if I so much as breathed too hard, I would wake myself from whatever dream I was standing in.

He didn’t answer, just stared back at me with that effortlessly beautiful smile and lifted his hand to my cheek, wiping away the tears I hadn’t realized were falling. The edges of his features blurred through the liquid filling my lashes as he took a step closer to me.

“Dance with me?” he asked quietly, slipping his fingers through mine.

My brows creased as the corners of my lips pulled up. “You’re a terrible dancer.”

He shrugged, pulling my hand to his chest as the other slid down the curve of my back. “I may have practiced what you taught me in the safe house.”

“There isn’t any music.”

His lips lowered to my ear as he pulled me closer.

“If you listen close enough, your stories might just sing for you,” he whispered. Then, in one fluid motion, he began twirling us around the room.

A laugh bellowed from my chest as I pulled myself against him, a real and raw sound that felt foreign coming from my lungs.

His fingers slipped from mine, meeting his other hand at the small of my back as I flung my arms out, leaning back as he whirled us around and around—our laughs colliding and echoing through the air. The room spun around us, but for the first time, in a long time, I felt grounded.

I could finally see colors swirling in my vision, pushing against that black veil that had fallen over my world.

My heart flared as I leaned back into his chest and felt the rapid pump of his heart against my cheek. The twirling slowed, turning into a gentle sway of our bodies in the silence.

A tear slid down my skin as I listened to the quiet and realized it wasn’t painful .

I didn’t know how long we’d been holding each other, or when we had stopped dancing, before I felt Andrues’s hands slide up the expanse of my back.

My heart stilled as his fingers brushed loose strands of hair over my shoulders before trailing up both sides of my neck and caressing my jaw.

There was an energy pulsating between us as I lifted my chin to find his eyes waiting to meet my gaze.

I swallowed.

There was something so haunting—so beautiful swirling behind those two glittering oceans and I knew that if I stared into them for a second longer, I would drown.

“Ataliia,” Andrues whispered, the sound of it almost desperate.

“Yes?” I breathed, letting my hands fall to his chest to find his heart beating like a bird trapped in a cage.

His eyes flickered to my lips. “I . . . I think I—”

A fist pounded on the door and Andrues moved quickly, pulling me behind him as the fist beat for a second time and echoed throughout the house.

My hand shot to my chest as my fingers clung to Andrues’s forearm.

“It’s bloody cold out here!” Elric’s voice sounded from the other side of the wood and I let out a sigh of relief.

Andrues dragged a hand over his face, the muscles across his body relaxing as he glanced down at me. That look in his eye vanished, disappearing as quickly as it had come.

The moment between us was gone—I knew that. But something inside of me desperately wanted it back, wanted him to finish whatever sentence was about to fall from his lips.

“Ataliia!” Elric yelled again as I pulled my eyes away from Andrues and toward the foyer below. I flung my fingers toward the door, opening it to see a foot of snow had fallen as Elric stumbled in.

“Are you trying to kill me? Any longer and I would have frozen,” Elric grumbled, shaking the snow from his leathers as he looked up to us.

“What do you want, Elric?” I asked, my voice annoyed but still sharper than intended as I tilted my head down at him.

“Hyacinth sent me.”

My back straightened at his words. “She’s back?”

“Only just. She sent me to find Andrues,” he said, cupping his hands to his mouth and blowing into them as his gaze turned toward Andrues who was already striding down the stairs. “Landers needs you in Ithia, immediately.”

“Is everything all right?” I asked, following after Andrues and trying to contain anxiety that had bloomed in my chest.

“As far as I know. She and Dukovich came back together.”

“Where is Wren?” Andrues questioned as he pushed his arms into his coat.

Elric shrugged. His casual body language told me that no alarm bells were currently being raised from their trip. “She didn’t give me many details—said we would all debrief together once you and Landers came back from Ithia.”

Andrues nodded as his fingers fastened the top button of his coat and turned to me. He paused for a second, his eyes searching mine before turning back to Elric.

“Can you please give us a moment?”

Elric lifted his hands to his chest, taking a step toward the door as his eyes bounced between the two of us.

“My job here is done. Hyacinth is in her chambers and I will be in the war room if you need me before you leave.” He didn’t wait for an answer before tethering from the room and leaving us once again in silence.

But it was different now. This silence felt familiar. The same unease creeping inside of it that I’d become so used to—that I had made a home in. I could feel my shell hardening as he looked at me with worry.

I hated that look .

It made me angry, made me feel weak, as if everyone expected me to fall apart if left alone.

“I am fine,” I snapped, before he had a chance to speak. “Your shift as my wet nurse is over.” My voice sounded harsh against the quiet but he didn’t flinch at it, only took a step closer.

“Please, take care of yourself while I am gone and do not go looking for trouble,” he commanded softly as his hand slid around the back of my neck, his eyes locking on mine and waiting for some kind of response.

Forcing a nod, I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, biting down to stop myself from spewing any more bitterness. He dipped his head in approval then leaned toward me, pressing his lips to my forehead.

I froze.

Andrues pulled away quickly, clearing his throat as he turned to the door, wrapping his fingers around the handle before looking back at me over his shoulder.

“Talk to Hyacinth, Ataliia. You need to make things right.”