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Chapter twenty

HYACINTH

Magic began to crackle in my palms and I clenched them shut, trying to slow it, to stop it from exploding out of me as I rounded the corner of the corridor leading from the throne room’s entrance.

The moment I was out of sight I stepped into the tether, letting it rip me apart as it dragged me from the castle’s walls.

My beaten body screamed against the pain, but anything— anything was better than the feeling of my heart cracking in two.

My face pulsed with pain as I landed in a thicket of trees in the furthest corner of Locdragoon that my mind could think of.

Tears spilled from my eyes, raging waterfalls that echoed the turmoil coiling inside my body as I screamed into the sky.

Searing tendrils of gleaming energy exploded from my skin, obliterating everything in its path for miles.

The roar of splintering trees and shattering rocks echoed around me as I was knocked to the ground.

My knees slammed into the frozen earth, sending waves of pain through my body.

With another scream, my fists struck the unforgiving forest floor, feeling the sting of my skin splitting against the hard ground.

Everything was wrong.

My heart felt like it was being crushed under the weight of the crumbling forest around me. Everything was falling apart in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed, clutching my chest as I rocked back and forth on my knees. The cold winter air pierced through my thin sweater but I didn’t care. I could barely feel the cold over the ache that was pulsating under my breasts.

“I miss you so much,” I wailed into the barren sky, hoping that wherever he was, he could hear me. “I don’t know how to do this without you. I don’t know how to keep us together.”

The words came out of me in short gasps as I tried to breathe against the hell that had been waiting to take me, waiting for me to shatter so it could latch its claws into my skin and pull me into its depths. I could feel myself caving in, giving in to its begging.

“Cin?” Wren’s voice called out and I turned to see him standing only yards from me. I hadn’t seen him get here, hadn’t heard him—but the sight sent a new wave of grief crashing over me.

I had taken his brother from him.

His only family had been ripped from his life— because of me .

His footsteps echoed as he sprinted toward me, his arms outstretched. He dropped to his knees, scooping me up and crushing me against his chest. I could feel his heart hammering through his tunic as his body melded into mine.

“It should have been me,” I cried into his chest, the tears streaming from my eyes burning the cuts marring my face.

“No,” Wren said, his voice commanding as he pushed me away from him, both of his hands gripping my shoulders as his own tear-stained eyes locked onto mine.

“No, Hyacinth. I do not care what Ata says, what venom she must spew to extract the pain from her heart—this was not your fault. My brother was the best man I have ever known and he did not die for you to live your life drowning in guilt.” Wren’s voice cracked as he said the words, pain exploding behind the eyes that were staring into mine.

I watched as new tears slipped over his skin, but he did not move to wipe them away.

“None of us have grieved him. None of us have dealt with the pain of losing him, not really. We have buried ourselves in our vices, hoping to find some reprieve in the absence of feeling. But we won’t find it.

We have to face it, and we have to face it together.

” His fingers dug deeper into my shoulders as he shook his head.

“Ardan was the best parts of all of us, now we have to find the strength to keep the best of him alive. That is all we get. We get the pieces of him that he left in us and I’ll be damned if I let that die too.

” For the first time since Ardan’s death, I watched as the color flared back into Wren’s eyes and I swallowed back the sob it sent racing for the surface.

“Ata . . .” I whispered, sniffing back tears as snow began to fall around us. “I don’t know how to help her.”

“That fight needed to happen; you two needed to lay it all out. But it is not your job to help her, Cin. Ata is the only one that can do that. It is our job, however”—he pulled my chin up to look at him—“to love her in whatever capacity we can, while she learns to help herself. Even if that means that, for now, we must love her from a distance.”

I didn’t know how to do that.

Didn’t know how to exist in a world where Ata wasn’t the other half of my beating heart. And though I had felt it coming, seen it in the ways she pulled away from me, in the way she refused to be alone in my presence—my heart was not prepared for the moment I could no longer reach her.

It was a strange kind of loneliness, a constant ache that pulses just below the surface.

The dissonance between knowing she still existed, yet feeling like the ghost of her was begging to be freed from my grasp—all while still holding onto hope.

Hope that, maybe someday, things might return to what they were.

But that hope had begun to feel fragile.

I buried my face back into Wren’s chest, my tears staining his grey tunic as we sat in what was once a thick forest full of life.

It was silent now, decimated by the magic I couldn’t control.

It was a symbol I think, a reflection of my reality that I had been refusing to face.

I couldn’t run from it anymore, couldn’t run from the pain that was sure to find me no matter how I tried to hide.

Wren stood, pulling me to my feet before wrapping his arms around me as I fell into his embrace, clutching him as tight as I could against my body.

“I love you, Cin,” Wren whispered into my curls and I could feel it—the healing magic he held within him seeping into me, calming my aching soul.

“I love you back,” I said, sucking in a deep breath, taking in his scent for a long moment before stepping out of his warmth.

Wren looked down at me with a soft smile and ran his fingers over my face, healing the cuts and swelling before taking my hands. His thumbs skimmed over my split knuckles and I watched as the skin there mended, specks of blood the only proof of the small wounds.

“Now,” he said quietly, pulling me back into his side, “let’s get you home. We are gathering to plan our next steps and it seems you could use a coffee.”

I nodded, locking my fingers between his as he tethered us back into the heat of the castle walls.

The smell of fresh baked bread filled my nostrils as we landed in the center of the kitchens and I took a deep breath. I was starving and my energy was quickly depleting. This day never seemed to end. My stomach rumbled as I walked to the stove and conjured up two mugs.

When I first came to Locdragoon, Landers had requested they keep a pot brewing for me at all times.

A week after my arrival I had come down here, expecting to make it for myself and one of the kitchen staff had told me about his request. I never told him that I knew.

But now, whenever I drank it, I was reminded of him and all the small things he constantly did to take care of me.

A weighted sigh slipped from my mouth as I poured a generous amount of liquid into each of the mugs, handing one to Wren as I lifted the other to my lips.

He pulled the mug from my fingers as he snatched two meat pies from the hotplate and gestured his head toward the stairs.

I scarfed the food down seconds after he handed it to me and desperately wished I had grabbed at least three more.

“Who is coming to this meeting?” I asked, brushing crumbs from my sweater as we ascended the staff stairs and pushed through the heavy wooden doors that led to the banquet hall.

Flames from the chandelier’s candles cast a golden glow across the stone walls and the tapestries that hung there, giving just enough light to see snow now falling outside the windows.

“Everyone,” Wren said, sipping from his mug. “Should be entertaining to say the least.” He lifted a brow and a nervous smile flashed across my lips as I pushed my hair behind my ears.

I knew she wouldn’t come, not after what had happened. But I couldn’t help the desperate hope that she would show up, that we could somehow work through the pain and anger and find our way back to each other.

“Are you ready?” Wren asked as I pulled my eyes from the liquid swirling in my cup to look at him. I was so stuck in my own head I hadn’t realized we’d already made it to the war room.

“No,” I breathed, forcing a small smile.

He nudged his body against mine, the contact helping to calm my nerves as he pulled open the door.

Landers rushed to my side as we stepped into the packed war room, his hands cupping my face as he searched for the wounds Wren had already healed with worried eyes.

He pulled me against his chest, his heart racing against my cheek as I clung to him.

“I’m okay,” I whispered. “I’ll be okay.”

“We need to begin.” Asrai’s voice cut through the quiet chatter, silencing the room.

Landers loosened his grip on me only enough so I could turn in his arms to face her. His hands slid across my stomach, finding their final resting place in the curve of my waist and I leaned back into his touch as Pri cleared her throat.

“A month ago, I told Nox—Brakan—that Dukovich was still alive under the guise that he was helping gather individuals willing to fight on our side of the war. Yesterday, we were ambushed by Hanth soldiers during our meeting. Before the attack, he was able to tell me that all of the Drow armies and their leaders have been taken to The Silliands—that their preparations for war are well underway.”

Deafening silence fell over the room and I could feel Landers’s body stiffen against mine. His fingers tightened around my waist as Pri continued.