Page 2 of Blood and Penance (The Puglisi Crime Family #1)

Chapter One

Gianni

Six years later…

With a deep breath, I push myself up from my knees, the weight of my unspoken prayer still heavy on my heart.

With a groan, I drag my hand across my face, the throbbing pulse in my head a reminder of the long day ahead.

I’ve asked for strength to handle my family because I know I’m going to need it.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, and being here for only one day has already drained me so much. It’s like I don’t have the energy to even keep my eyes open. But I’m needed here, so I’ll have to be uncomfortable just a little while longer.

It’s strange and very difficult being back in my childhood home.

I haven’t stepped foot inside this house since I let go of the most important person in my life for this family.

And when I arrived, the only person to greet me was Gerald, my family’s long-time butler, who escorted me to my old bedroom at my request.

I’ve taken my meals here since I’ve arrived in the silence and within the confines of these four walls to keep my distance from them as well as strengthen my bond with God, so I can do my duty while here and not be pulled into the chaos that’s coming.

This isn’t a place of happy childhood memories despite my mother trying to make it a home instead of a prison for all of us.

My brothers embraced the life , while I shunned it.

I can’t say either of my parents were happy with my decision to become a priest, but at least my mother accepted it even though she wanted grandchildren to spoil.

My father was a different story. If it’s not the path he wants you to take, he’ll fight you every step of the way, which he has.

If it weren’t for my mother, I wouldn’t have even been allowed here today.

Now that I’m back, I know I made the right decision when I renounced the title of Don when my father made a big show of me finally coming to my senses and putting the family first. It caused an uproar not only within our family but within the other families too.

The fallout I assume he’s still dealing with today since he still has not stepped down and named his replacement.

I guess he still hopes that I’ll come around.

That’s never going to happen.

I had to forge my own path in this world, which I will not apologize for. I don’t want to become the next Don of the Puglisi family. He should give the title to one of my brothers who wants it instead of trying to force my hand.

This life has cost me everything. He wanted to take away what mattered most to me, so I took away what mattered the most to him—me becoming the heir to his empire.

I did what he wanted. I broke the heart of the only woman I will ever love, while also breaking my soul in the process.

He damned me to a life of loneliness, so I found my purpose in the priesthood.

And the only reason I’m here today is to give the woman who birthed me last rites.

She’s been a faithful servant of the Church over the years, taking communion and going to confession.

She deserves God’s grace and peace in her last days, but once that’s done, I’m closing the door to this world forever.

Standing in front of the mirror, I run my palm over my head.

I don’t keep my hair long anymore, buzzing it all the same length.

It just makes things quicker now, and it also had been a reminder of her .

She loved to run her fingers through my hair.

So, when I cut her out of my life, so went anything that reminded me of her, including my hair.

To clear my mind of the persistent and intrusive thoughts, I shake my head, grimacing as the metal of the cage locked around me presses into the sensitive skin of my dick.

At this moment, I lack the time or energy to do my typical routine I do to clear my mind of thoughts about her.

So, I wear a cock cage when I’m not at the rectory as punishment for the impure thoughts I have of her.

Temptation is always a beast riding me that I can never escape because of her. My burden to carry.

I adjust the starched cotton of my clerical collar, feeling the familiar smoothness against my skin.

It always brings a sense of calm to me. Whenever I touch it, it’s like His presence is with me.

And I’m going to need all the peace I can muster today dealing with my family, which is also a constant reminder of her because they are the reason she’s no longer here.

Immediately it works, pushing thoughts of her out of my mind, and the cage no longer digs into my skin. Breathing a sigh of relief, I adjust myself even though this will not be the last time I feel pain.

My father is unbearable. Sergio is just as bad as my father, a carbon copy of the man we all hated growing up. I get along only with Lorenzo and Dante. And that’s because they both refused to let me cut them out of my life when I walked away.

The knock on the door pulls a deep sigh from inside me. I just want a few more minutes of peace before I have to deal with the chaos I know is coming.

“Come in!”

The door creeps open and a young woman with dark hair pinned in a low bun at the nape of her neck peeks into the room before she steps in. I don’t remember her being a member of the staff the last time I came over.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Father, but Mr. Puglisi would like to see you in his study.”

“And who are you?”

She rubs her hands down the front of her black uniform skirt.

Every staff member wears the same crisp, starched black uniform.

Every woman wears a black shirt, a sleek black pencil skirt, and sensible black shoes with a small heel.

The men, all dressed in identical black dress shirts, slender black ties, black slacks, and black dress shoes.

“Anna Maria. I’m Gustavo’s granddaughter.”

I can’t help but smile. Gustavo is the family’s landscaper. He’s been around since I was a kid. I’m shocked he’s still working at his age. When I was younger, I just knew I would marry his daughter Lucia even though she was at least ten or fifteen years older than me.

“You’re Lucia’s daughter?”

“Yes.”

“And how is your mother?” I ask as I grab my Bible and rosary from the dresser then look back at the woman. She can’t be more than nineteen, maybe twenty.

“She passed away last year.” A mournful grimace blankets her face. “That’s why I’m here. I had to come back to help my grandfather. “

I grasp her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I knew your mother when I was younger. She was a very special person.”

“Thank you, Father.” Tears glisten in her eyes, reflecting the emotional turmoil of losing her mother. “I’ll go so you can meet with Mr. Puglisi.”

She dips her head, then turns on her heels, leaving the room. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, I try to calm my anxiety. “Lord, give me strength to deal with him. I ask in your name. Amen.”

***

“I’m shocked you came,” my father says as he puffs on his cigar and blows billows of white smoke into the air.

I release a deep sigh, gripping my Bible and rosary tighter as I push down the urge to lash out at him because that’s what he wants.

He wants me to react, and I refuse to give him any of my energy or the satisfaction of seeing me show him any kind of emotion other than civility.

It will only prove to him that the priesthood isn’t my calling.

“It’s her wish that I deliver her last rites. Of course, I came.”

His brows furrow, and I smile on the inside. He’ll have to do more than that to get under my skin. Why wouldn’t I give last rites to my mother? I don’t want to be here, but I need to be here.

My father hasn’t changed since the last time I saw him.

He’s still that self-satisfied bastard, his face etched with the same smug lines I don’t want to see on my face two decades from now.

While his hair is no longer dark brown like mine, he has a dusting of gray throughout.

More lines grace his face, but his tanned skin is still youthful for his sixty-two years.

“You didn’t care about your family before. Why do you care now?”

“Of course I care, but I refuse to be a part of this world. Mother understands. You choose not to.”

He leans back in his chair, narrowing his eyes. “You’re still pissed about that bitch?” He shakes his head. “You were to be the head of the Puglisi family, Gianni. She was holding you back, and you were to marry Arianna.”

I don’t understand why he can’t let it go.

I did what he forced me to do. I let her go just like he wanted.

I’ve never wanted to be a part of this world, and he knows it.

However, I would have endured it all if she was in my life.

I was willing to take over, like he wanted.

But he didn’t want it that way. So, if I had to give up what made me happy, then he’d never get what he wanted from me.

Now he has to live with his decision, just like I have to live with mine.

I’m not taking the bait.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” I ask. “What’s done is done. Anyway, I’m exactly where I need to be. God called me, and I accepted His call.”

Irritation flashes in his eyes. My father isn’t a true believer. Of course, he goes to Mass, and even takes the sacrament, but not once has he stepped foot into the confessional. According to him, there’s nothing he’s done that he needs to confess, and he sure as hell doesn’t need forgiveness.

We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. And he has fallen way short, whether he admits it to himself. Not that I’m judging.

“How long will you be staying?” he asks, picking up a tumbler of whiskey and swallowing it all in one go.

I rise from my seat with my Bible and rosary in my hand. “Just long enough to do what I came to do, then I’ll be out of your hair. Will you be attending?”

He shakes his head, dropping his gaze. But I saw it. My father loves my mother. They have a strange relationship, but I have never questioned the love they share. I just wish sometimes he had not interfered and let me have love in my life as well.

“Before I go, would you like me to pray with you for peace during this difficult time?”

While I don’t get along with my father and I really don’t like him, I’m still a priest. And whatever God’s children need from me, I’m here to provide. That's a part of my job.

A dark chuckle escapes him, and he glares at me, but he doesn’t say anything.

“The Lord has not forsaken you, Dad. Ask him for peace, and he’ll give it to you.”

“Gianni,” he says in a calm voice. “Get the hell out of my office.”

After a moment of staring at one another I leave his office. No matter how hard it was for me to do, at least I offered him a chance that he never gave me. I gave him a chance to have some peace amid the storm he is experiencing.