Page 12 of Blood and Penance (The Puglisi Crime Family #1)

Chapter Eleven

Gianni

After she steps inside the rectory, I take a deep breath then close the door behind us.

I need to calm down because she’s right.

I have no right to be angry that she married someone else, but it’s something I won't get over or be able to control my anger about. The kind of love we share will never go away, and even though I’m bound by my vow to God, I’m human. I’m a man in love with a married woman.

Sometimes life can be so cruel.

Did I expect her to move on with her life?

Yes. Phoenix is a very beautiful, intelligent, and accomplished woman.

I wouldn’t expect her to waste away because of me.

But for it to be in front of my face and the words my husband slipping from the same lips I’ve kissed a million times and had wrapped around me—the same lips that whispered I love you, just hit me in a way I didn't expect.

Envy moves through my veins like molten fire, creeping through my bloodstream with a slow, agonizing burn.

It wraps around my heart, causing me to ache with resentment.

It simmers, growing heavy with every thought of them together in the same way we used to share.

Does she fuck him like she did me? Does she make him groan in ecstasy when her tight cunt tightens around him when she comes?

Does she confess her love for him like she used to do me?

I envy a dead man. God, help me.

It wasn’t easy making the decision to leave her even though she may believe it had been, but it had been necessary. If anything happened to her or her family, I wouldn’t be able to live myself.

Of course, we both dealt with the consequences of our breakup differently.

Apparently, she got married, and I married my faith after I tried to drown my sorrows in the ways of the world.

But she’ll always be the love of my life.

Regardless of whose ring she wears and regardless of the vow I made to God.

The only person above Phoenix is God himself.

“God, grant me the strength to see past my anger and envy that’s marring my soul so I can help the woman I love.”

I whisper this silent prayer to myself, hoping to gain the strength I need to get through this conversation without acting like the person I was before I gave my life to serve God.

I face her as she looks around the small living room of the rectory.

It’s nothing special. Once I received my assignment at this parish, I removed all the lavish furniture, and other items the previous priest had.

For me, it was too much. In my life before becoming a priest, I had fancy cars, took expensive trips, had nothing but a closet full of designer clothes and shoes.

When I left the old me behind, I left all the extravagant stuff too.

For me, simple is better, and the rectory reflects the man I am now.

A simple man living for God.

“Make yourself at home,” I say. “I’ll make us some tea. Or would you prefer water?”

She sits on the worn plaid couch that sits facing the fireplace. “I'm fine. But I didn’t take you for a tea person, Gianni,” she chuckles, the sound nervous.

But her smile slips off her face when she sees that I’m not smiling.

As a former alcoholic and someone who attends meetings every week and still talks to my sponsor at least once a week, I don’t keep any alcohol around me, especially where I live. I don’t even drink wine during Eucharist.

I took the seat next to her. “I don’t drink anymore.”

She looks at me strangely, and I understand her confusion. When we were together, my drink of choice had always been whiskey. I never bypassed any offered glass, and I always had a glass of wine with dinner. I was a very social drinker, while also keeping a wine cellar at my home.

“Because of the collar?”

I chuckle. I wish it was just because of the collar, that would be simpler.

“No, I'm sorry to say the collar has nothing to do with it. I’m a recovering alcoholic. Four years sober.”

Along with her audible gasp, her eyes widen. It’s not a conversation I’m ready to have with her. Maybe someday we can sit and talk about our lives after our breakup but today is not the day.

“A lot of things happened when we ended things.”

“When you ended things.” she says, correcting me.

“You’re right. When I ended things,” I say, correcting my comment and ignoring the bitterness in her voice. I know I hurt her, but I hurt myself too. “But we aren’t here to talk about that. I need to know what happened.”

She looks at me for a moment, and I wish I knew what she’s thinking.

Does she look at me differently now that I’ve told her one of my secrets?

Other than family, Father Giraldi is the only one who knows the struggles I’ve had with alcohol, drugs, and other addictions.

It’s not that I’m ashamed of the person I was back then.

I was in an awful place, and it pushed me to make a decision on what I want my life to be.

However, I am ashamed of the urges I have now. That I can’t control them because of her and the vow I’ve made to God. The issues with alcohol and drugs are behind me, but my need for her seems to be a curse I’ll die with.

“Have you heard of the De Maio Clan?”

My hackles rise at her question. I haven’t personally dealt with De Maio Clan, but everyone knows Vincenzo De Maio, boss of the De Maio Clan.

He’s a ruthless leader. Rules his territory with an iron fist. Before I joined the priesthood, he married his wife Isabella, the daughter of the head of the Lombardo family.

“I’ve never dealt with Vincenzo, but I’ve heard of him. What’s he got to do with what happened?”

“My husband,” she says, and my entire body stiffens. I hate how easy the term rolls off her tongue, but I hide my displeasure as much as I can. I have no reason to be upset. “Lio D’Amico is…was… shit, I don’t know, Gianni,” she says her voice becoming frantic.

I grab her hand. “Calm down, Phoenix. It’s me. Just start at the beginning.”

I give her hand a gentle squeeze, before letting it go. She nods, then takes a deep breath before letting it out. “I started dating Lio a few years after we separated. At first it was magical, then everything went to shit. Excuse me for the language,” she says quickly, and I wave her off.

“You said you killed him?”

She nods. “Well, I planned to kill him, but I don’t know if it worked.”

“You planned to kill your husband?” I ask in disbelief.

Phoenix had been the most caring person I’ve ever met. She wouldn’t hurt a fly, but she’s telling me that she tried to kill someone. She had to have a reason.

“It was the only way to escape. I slipped him something, but I’m not sure if it did the job.”

Jesus Christ!

“You’re afraid he’s coming after you?” I ask, swiping my hand along my face.

This isn’t good.

“If he’s not dead, he will come after us. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Us?”

Her eyes widened, but she shuts down her emotions as soon as they appear. I’m not sure what she’s hiding, but she’s hiding something. If she doesn’t tell me, I’ll find out.

“We’ll talk about that later,” she says. “Right now, I need to know if you can help me?”

Now I know why she came to me—my name will give her the answers she needs.

But if I contact my family to find out about this Lio D’Amico that may draw my father’s attention.

And I don’t want that either. There’s only one person I can call who might know or get answers.

But that will guarantee my father's involvement, but what other choice do I have.

“Where are you staying?” I ask.

“I rather not say. And before you think it’s because of you, I just want to make sure no one can find me, Gianni. It has nothing to do with you.”

Even though I don’t believe her explanation, I won’t push her. I think her keeping me from knowing where she's staying has everything to do with me. It shouldn’t make me angry, but it does.

“Is it safe?”

If she’s safe, right now, that’s all that matters to me. She doesn’t have to give me any information as long as no one can get to her, and that includes my father.

“For now,” she says. “I need to find out if he’s alive or dead, then I’ll get out of your hair and let you get on with your life.”

Get on with my life. She makes it sound so easy.

I sigh. “Stay here. I’m going to see what I can do.”

I rise from the couch, and as I walk past her, she grabs my hand, stopping me. It’s been years since I’ve felt her hands on me. My dick presses against my cage. I close my eyes, and breathe in and out through my nose, trying to calm myself down. She drops my hand, and my eyes pop open.

“I just want to say thank you.”

Her voice drapes over me like a warm blanket, causing my dick to press harder against my cock cage. I push down the hiss that’s climbing up my throat.

I nod the leave the room as soon as possible to put some distance between us because I can’t answer her with the amount of pain moving through me.

When I reach the inside of my study, I let out a relieved breath.

I ease into the chair behind my desk as I try to think of anything else that will clear the impure thoughts from my mind.

"This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. "

I pull in deep breaths and release them until my mind clears and the pain eases, then a few minutes later I pull out my cellphone and dial the only person I think can help.

He picks up the phone after the third ring.

“Big brother, what do I owe this pleasure?”

I can hear the smugness in his voice. He’s just like our father. A smug, arrogant asshole. I don’t speak that often to any of my brothers, especially Sergio, but unfortunately, he’s the only one who can help me get the answers as quickly as I need them.

I would go to Lorenzo, but he’s dealing with a lot with his wife, and I don’t want to pile this on him too. This is going to cost me, but right now I can’t think about the price I know I’ll have to pay because Phoenix is in trouble.

“I need a favor.”

I’m met with silence.

“Sergio, please. You know I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.”

After a few moments, he sighs. “What do you need?”

“I need you to find out any information you can on Lio D’Amico. He’s a member of the De Maio Clan.”

“I know who he is. What I want to know is why do you need to know anything about him?”

I sigh. “Can you help me or not?”

“Give me an hour,” he says, then ends the call.

I toss my phone on my desk, then pinch the bridge of my nose. After that phone call, I know things are going to spiral and spiral fast. It’s Sergio. But I pray things will work out in my favor.

For Phoenix’s sake.

God, why are you testing me?