Page 18 of Blood and Penance (The Puglisi Crime Family #1)
Chapter Seventeen
Gianni
The guilt over my actions should have consumed me, yet Phoenix seeing me masturbate to the images and memories of her has filled me with nothing but a burning desire to sink my cock inside her.
The rough cotton of my shorts scrapes against my sensitive skin as I desperately pull them on, caught between the urgency to explain my actions and a rising tide of anxiety.
Should I explain what she saw, or should I just let it go?
It feels like if I don’t address it, we’ll walk on eggshells around each other.
And I don’t want that to happen with Phoenix.
Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I let out a shaky breath, the air fogging the glass. “It’s Phoenix, Gianni,” I mumble to myself. “She’ll understand. And it’s not like she hasn’t seen you do it before. Just get it over with.”
Making the decision, I head to my bedroom where she’s staying the night, while we figure out how to deal with Lio.
When I reach the door, I don’t hesitate before knocking because if I do, I won’t deal with it, when this is the better solution.
As soon as the door opens, her eyes zero in on my bare chest before she looks into my eyes. Putting on a shirt had been the last thing on my mind but the way she’s looking at me, I should have.
She looks delicious in my clothes. I can see the dark color of her nipples through the white cotton fabric of my shirt.
What I wouldn’t give to suck them into my mouth.
It’s one of the things that got me so hard when we were together.
She either slept in my clothes or naked.
Those were my rules, and she had no problems following them.
This conversation is going to be harder than I thought.
“Can I come in so we can talk?” I ask. “I need to explain what you saw.”
“Sure, you can come in,” she says, opening the door wider so I can step inside my bedroom. “But, there’s no need to explain anything, Gianni…” she stammers then I realize the mistake I’ve made.
My scars.
When I face her, her brows are furrowed, and I know I’ll need to explain more than just jacking off in the shower.
“Let’s have a seat.”
I sit at the end of my bed, and she sits beside me. “What happened? Did Giovanni, do that to you?” she asks with anger lacing her voice.
While my father has done a ton of things to me, he did not cause the scars on my back. That was all me.
Planting my forearms on my thighs, I try to think of the best way to explain my scarred back, so she’ll understand and not judge me for how I’ve dealt with the constant desire I experience as a priest.
“It’s called self-flagellation.” I look at her so she can see the truth in my eyes. “It’s how I deal with things I need to repent for, like lustful desires.”
“So, you did that to yourself!” she shouts in disbelief. “Why the hell are you hurting yourself for something that’s natural, Gianni?”
“I don’t expect you to understand, Phoenix, but these are things that I’ve vowed to not do as a priest. I must repent for them.”
She scoffs. “So, you’re going to do this again because you jacked off in the shower a few minutes ago aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation because just as soon as this conversation is over, I will repent for my sinful desires and for touching myself.
I drop my head because I don’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. While we haven’t been together for years, I do care about how she sees me, even if I shouldn’t.
“Look at me, Gianni,” she says with a tremble in her voice.
When I do look at her, tears glisten her eyes. She touches my face, and I lean into her touch. “Please do not hurt yourself. You did nothing wrong.”
“We can agree to disagree on that point. I’m a priest, Phoenix. I’m not free of sin, but I’m not of the world either. What you saw me do I shouldn’t have done.”
“You are a priest, but you are also a man. A man who has natural desires that your God created, Gianni. And there’s nothing wrong with that."
"Like I said. We can agree to disagree."
She sighs. "What else do you do?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“If you’re open to discussing it with me, I want to know.”
“I wear a cock cage sometimes.”
She lets out a breath, not in disgust but in disbelief. “It’s your life, Gianni, and I can’t begin to imagine what you go through, but I don’t believe your God would want you to do this.”
“Maybe not, but it’s what I feel I need to do to get myself back to where I need to be with God.”
She nods, but I can see on her face she doesn’t agree.
“I don’t need you to agree with it, Phoenix,” I say when I stand. “I just wanted to apologize for my actions.”
“Touching yourself?”
Her question sends a jolt of desire careening through me like an out-of-control freight train. It’s like I can feel how close she is to me. Her face is so close to my crotch all I have to do is slide myself inside her mouth.
“Yes,” I answer, and I harden inside my shorts.
“How often do you touch yourself, Gianni?” She reaches out and brushes her hand against my very noticeable bulge. “How often do you do it, thinking of me?"
"Phoenix, please."
"Tell me the truth. I just want to know.”
I let out a breath. “All the time.”
“Hmm,” she hums. “Do you know how often I touch myself to the thought of you too, Father?”
“Phoenix,” I call her name in warning.
“I’m just confessing my sins. Do, I need to get on my knees?” She lowers herself to her knees in front of me. “Would you like to hear my confession, Father?”
God forgive me, but I’d like to hear every filthy detail.
“I slide my fingers inside myself all the time thinking of you,” she says without giving me the chance to respond. “Imagining that it’s your tongue. I also imagine you sliding inside of me and filling me up with your cum.”
She gazes up at me, and she looks so beautiful on her knees. So tempting. A strangled sound leaves my mouth as I try to control the urge to slam inside her mouth.
“I’m here, Father. Use me.”
But it’s no use, all my restraint snaps and I grip her by the hair wrenching her head back. “You know exactly what you’re doing to me.”
And this temptress has the nerve to grin at me. “I do, but what are you going to do about?”
“Pull my shorts down,” I command, and she follows without hesitation.
Phoenix has always been a person who followed her own rules, but in the bedroom, she only follows mine. Just how I like it.
My erection springs forward, and she licks her lips.
“Put me inside your mouth, Phoenix.”
She wraps her hand around my length, and I grab her hair, wrenching her head back again.
“I know it’s been a while, but you know that’s not how I like to have my cock sucked, amore mio .”
“Please forgive me, Father.”
Damn it! Every time she calls me Father all I want to do is hear her call me that while I’m fucking her.
I’m going to hell.
“Now do it correctly and maybe I’ll let you come.”
I release her hair again. She places her palms on her thighs, then her warm, wet mouth engulfs my entire length from the base to the tip. Yeah, I’m going straight to hell, and at this moment, I don’t care as long as she keeps doing what she’s doing.
I push my hips forward, working with the pace she’s set. I know this isn’t going to last as long as I want it to because it’s been years since I’ve had a mouth wrapped around my dick, and it’s Phoenix. She knows what the hell she’s doing.
“Just like that, baby,” I praise, just as the tip hits the back of her throat. “Jesus Christ, Phoenix. What are you doing to me?”
My thrusts speed up as she sucks my dick, then swirls her tongue around the head, before engulfing my entire length inside her mouth, again.
From the soles of my feet to the top of my head, my entire body tingles and heats as my orgasm rushes over me. I grip the back of her head, holding her face against my pelvis. “Jesus Christ!” I shout as I release inside her mouth.
When I pull out, I expect the guilt to hit me, but the look of desire on her face only makes me want to fuck her more.
I help her to her feet, and I crash my mouth into hers. “I want to fuck you so bad,” I say against her mouth.
“Well, what’s stopping you?” she asks, stepping away from me.
She removes her T-shirt, then pushes the boxers down her toned legs.
“Stunning.”
Her body is not the same as before, her hips are wider, and her breasts are fuller. And I love all of it.
She climbs onto the bed, lies on her back, and opens her legs wide, before sliding her fingers through her wet pussy.
“I want you to fuck me now, Father.”
“Please forgive me for the sins I’m about to commit,” I pray.